Love Looks Not with the Eyes
by Auntie Shara
Summary: The continued story of Kevin Richard Barr from the moment we last saw him in Winged Cupid Painted Blind until the current events in Loves Fool. Kevedd, I do not own Ed, Edd and Eddy. Nat and Human Plank belong to C2ndy2c1d Rave belongs to KirKurryArt/Eyugho. Kevedd
1. Chapter 1

Love Looks Not with the Eyes Chapter 1 – Fun

 **A/N- I was going to start with a different title but I figure might as well start with the last song of the fic this story comes from. Fun is sung by Coldplay. So if you haven't read Winged Cupid Painted Blind I would suggest that you do so before you start this fic, or you will be all kinds of confused. So this fic will be the important events in Kevin's life from the time he left Edd standing at that locker to the moment they meet back up 24 years later, so it will be a lot of description. Trigger warnings are my usual with extra added if needed.** **Oh for those who have forgotten the setting of Winged Cupid Painted Blind, the year is 1992.**

Have you ever been so in love with someone that when you think about them, even after years of separation, your heart hurts due to their absence? Have you ever been so enamored with someone that they would dominate your dreams and when you woke you could feel them holding you as if they still lay beside you? Have you ever fallen so hard for someone that the instant you realized you were in love, you knew you would never truly get over them? These are the things that Kevin Richard Barr has come to realize about the one dork he let slip away due to his own child like foolishness.

But I digress, let us start where the tale has ended so that maybe you can get some perspective on how he has come to realize how foolish he was. This realization started the instant it was too late, as he drew back his fist, the one side of his mind that was being manipulated by Father O'Malley told him to beat the shit out of the fag that stood in front of him. That he was the reason his emotions and family were now a mess and that he deserved the beat down he was about to get. But looking into those mad blue eyes he loved so much, and seeing the sadness welling up in them, he flinches, punching the locker instead of that handsome face.

As he yelled his final words at the boy, his own heart ached with such a violent force that he could feel the tears threatening to come to the surface, to avoid discovery he turns quickly. Grabbing his bag from the floor he rushes off toward the front entrance to meet his mother and get away from the source of his heart ache. Telling himself that it was for the best, and that there was no way Edd could ever love him again, now that he has done this. That all he needed to do now was to concentrate on getting his family back to where they use to be, whole and full of the love they use to have for each other before this all took place.

Stepping out of the front door of the school he sees his mother's car and heads straight for it, hearing his friend's familiar voice call out to him, "What the fuck did you do." Turning to face him all he could think about was what he had seen when he exited his last class, Nat being affectionate with the boy he loved, but at the same time he was haunted by what he had just done. Dropping his bag, he pulls back his fist and swings at Nat, knowing he needed to be punished for breaking Edd's heart he left himself wide open as Nat blocked and punched him in the stomach. "He didn't do anything wrong," was bellowed at him by his best friend as he recovered from the blow, thinking _"_ _I know that Nat."_

Drawing back his fist again he swings once more, Nat easily dodging his halfhearted punch earning him a fist to the jaw as his reward for the pain he caused Edd. He hears his mother yelling as she ran toward them, "Leave him alone, you sodomite," a pain piercing Kevin's heart at the name she had called his best friend. Looking past his mother who was standing between them staring Nat down, he could see the pain in his eyes and the pain in his own heart doubled. Nat drops his arms and rushes for the school's front doors, Kevin wanting to scream out his apologies to his friend, that he didn't mean it wishing he could take it all back. But his mother was already directing him toward the car, picking up his bag where he had dropped it he obediently follows her and climbs in. Seeing the boy he loved out of the corner of his eyes, he fought back tears once again as he saw the pained expression upon his face. Biting into his knuckles as they drove down the road to his next appointment with Father O'Malley.

Entering the church after cleaning his bloody lip in the car, he did all the things that have been drilled into his head before he ever went and said his first confession or took his first communion. Walking to the front of the church, he finds the priest sitting in the front pew waiting for him to arrive. Standing as the boy approached him, he extends his hand, "Good evening Kevin, how are you on this blessed day?" Seeing that the boy was reluctant to talk out in the open he motions with one hand toward his office door while guiding him toward it with the other.

Now behind closed doors, the shame that was being instilled in him by the man he trusted was now lighter and he was free to speak. Clearing his throat, he still found it hard to talk about these things, "I've been doing what you told me and avoiding my temptation."

"Good," the man said leaning back in his chair, "And how has that been working for you, is it easing your urges?"

He felt compelled to lie, to show he was making progress, for though the idea was out of sight out of mind it didn't subside his longing for the boy. "It was going great until today," he paused wondering what he should say to him, "He cornered me after my last class."

"How did you handle it?"

"I made it clear that it was over and that he needed to stay away from me," Kevin's voice was cracking as he spoke.

"You seem trouble by that," he rested his elbow on the arm rest of his chair, placing his chin in his hand.

Kevin took a deep breath and let it out in one quick exhale, "I never thought doing the right thing would feel so wrong."

"We talked about this Kevin," Kevin could tell he was frustrated, "The enemy will do many things to try and trick you, to keep you on the wrong path and away from god. He will toy with your emotions to make you think what is right is actually wrong and what is wrong is right, and if one trick fails he will move on to the next. So, you must always stay vigilant and avoid the temptations he will lay in your path as we work to save your immortal soul."

"I understand Father," his voice went soft, "And I'm doing my best, but it's so hard, I lost my best friend today because of this."

"Was he the one you told me convinced you that being with the boy was alright," Kevin nods and he lifts his head out of his hand adjusting in his seat. "Then it was no great loss, just another agent of the devil gone from your life." The priest spoke under his breath but Kevin could hear him clear as day, "The two of them are probably fornicating as we speak."

"I don't think they were into each other father, they're just friends," Kevin knew that Edd had no interest in Nat like that.

"Kevin, their relationships aren't based on the same principals and beliefs that ours are, it is driven by an uncontrollable carnal need." He was quite adamant about what he was talking about, bordering on fanatic, "They don't love like you or I do and have no concept of faithfulness, compassion, trust or a need to make a true bond with someone. They hop from bed to bed trying to fill a hole in their lust filled hearts that they will never be able to with their godless ways."

Kevin furrowed his brows, "So, what you're trying to tell me is they can't be just friends?"

He returned Kevin's hard look, "No Kevin they cannot, they use their friendships to earn a person's trust in an attempt to lure them into their perverse lifestyles, just like your friend did to you."

"I don't believe you," Kevin's emotions were a hurricane destroying what little happiness he had left in him, "He was my friend, we've known each other since he moved here."

"Think about it Kevin," his voice was pleading, "People only start drinking or smoking because friends tell them it's alright, even though in the back of our mind we know it can destroy our lives. Homosexuality is much the same way, everyone knows that it is wrong and dangerous, but a trusted friend assures us there really isn't anything sinful about it and like fools we believe them and before we know it we're walking down the devil's highway to our doom."

"I got to go," Kevin stands and heads for the door. The guilt and shame this man was placing upon him, along with the heart ache he was feeling because of his family and the loss of his friend and love had all become too much for one day. His heart was calling his mind a fool while his mind was calling his heat a liar, this was the battle he has been wagging all week. The shame and guilt the priest has been feeding him only reinforcing his mind to silence his heart, the voice of his heart slowly getting weaker, only flaring up today during the confrontation.

Father O'Malley calls after him, "Kevin, we just started."

"I'm sorry Father," he grabs the door knob, "But I can't do this right now," opening the door he walks through it quickly, finding his mother praying in the front row where they had left her. Probably praying for his salvation no less.

Looking up as she heard his quick footstep approach her, she calls after him in a hushed voice, "Kevin, where are you going?"

"Mom, I love you, and I'm doing what you asked but right now," he motions with his hands to tell her to back off, his anger clear in his eyes. She knew that the fights he had in school today had worn him down and she wasn't going to fault him for needing a break.

Getting into the car he rubs the bridge of his nose breathing out in frustration, dropping his hand unceremoniously in his lap as his mother climbed in, "Can I stay at Tina's tonight?"

"I don't know if your father will approve," she replied as she put the keys into the ignition and started the car.

"Mom I promise it will be just me, Tina and Pat," his eyes were looking at her pleadingly with sadness embedded in them, "I just need to get out of that house for one day.

Though she was disappointed in him and didn't approve of the lifestyle he had participated in, he was still her son and the sad look in his eyes did affect her. "Alright, but only for tonight, I'll make your father understand."

Kevin insisted on driving straight there not wanting to make the trip home to get the things he would need, it was a quick trip to the girl's apartment from downtown Peach Creek. The two of them insisting on moving out of their parents houses the instant they graduated from high school last year. Getting a small two bedroom in town as they took the required course for their chosen carriers at the local community college before transferring down to Summerville University. Parking in front of the building they walk up the outdoor stairway to the second floor walkway making their way to his cousin's door. Standing in front of apartment 106 they could hear loud giggling coming from the other side of the entryway.

The laughter dies down from boisterous to quiet and hushed once he knocked on the door, his shorter brunette cousin opening the door, "Aunt B, what brings you here." Tina stood about five foot four inches tall with some meat on her bones, Pat who was sitting in the living room, stands five foot ten inches slender with black hair. Kevin looks off into the distance as his mother went on about how he wanted to stay the night with them, not going into detail about why he needed to get away from the house. "We would love to have him," she replied to the request, hearing this Kevin steps into the house to go sit at the table in the adjoining kitchen.

His mother continued, going over the rules he was to follow, "He's grounded right now, so no visitors, he is not to use the phone, no TV or video games and I want him in bed by nine. I'm bending his father's rules by just letting him come here, but I know you girls will respect our wishes."

"Sure thing Aunt B, we'll make sure he's a good boy and have him home first thing tomorrow."

Barbra called out to Kevin, "Good night sweetie, I'll see you tomorrow, I love you." Kevin did not acknowledge that she had said anything to him, his emotions were still in a tail spin.

Wishing her aunt a good night she closed the door behind her then came over to where Kevin sat, seeing the pained expression on his face, "What's the matter Kev?" She reaches out and caresses his shoulder, trying to sooth whatever was bothering him.

With that simple show of affection, he breaks down, the tears streaming down his freckled cheeks, his face contorted in pain as hurtful sobs escaped his lips. "Oh god, what have I done," The pain he has been bottling up all week and the pain he has inflicted upon himself today finally being released as it all sinks in. He has lost Nat and Edd for good, there was no going back, but how long would he suffer the pain of this loss? How long would he feel this guilt for causing his parents shame? And how long would it take before they looked at him with pride again? "I want to die," all the two girls could do for him was to hold him as he sobbed, comforting him with their affection and reassuring words that life gets better.


	2. The Lovers are Losing

Love Looks Not with the Eyes Chapter 2 – The Lovers are Losing

 **A/N- The song is by Keane**

The one thing people forget when they use shame and guilt as tools to try and change someone, is the mental pain and suffering they inflict upon that person. The feelings that they are somehow defective in some way, a mistake, an abomination to the natural order of things. With these feelings come a destructive nature that in some cases can be fatal, in others it continues the damage that has already been done by those who claim they are helping them. Kevin is no different, even though he puts up a tough front for the world, a mask if you will, to hide the weakness his emotions are causing in him. Bringing forth a need to prove that he is a man at every turn, not only to show his father that his treatment is working, but to prove to the world that whatever they might have heard about him was wrong. All stemming from the ideas Father O'Malley has been feeding the boy on the proper way a man should act and who he should be attracted to, all of this being reinforced by his father.

Don't get to close to other guys, comradery is good but don't be to affectionate, no hugging, don't put your arm around his shoulder, I don't care if your friends. No congratulatory pats on the ass, it doesn't matter that the other guys are doing it, would you jump off a cliff if they did? Take charge, be dominate, show them who the boss is, if anyone looks up the meaning for the word man in the dictionary your name should be its sole definition. These are just a few examples of the tumultuous thoughts that ran through Kevin's brain as a result of just a week of counseling, shame and guilt are powerful tools after all.

By Tuesday of the following week he was hanging out with Nazz again, it was a simple thing to get her to forgive him for the harsh words he had said to her before. By that Friday, which happened to be the 13th, they were officially a couple again when Kevin asked her out on a date to go see the new Dracula movie that had just released in theaters that day. Getting permission from his father was also simple, a date with a girl was viewed as a step in the right direction, "Here son, take these," he slips two condoms in his hand.

Kevin rolls his eyes as he stuffed them in his pocket, "Dad, it's our first date."

"You can never be too careful," he replied with a grin upon his face, "Besides you've dated her before, so you might start up where you left off."

Somehow this felt a little weird, like his dad was more excited about him sleeping with Nazz then he was, "Dad."

"What," the man said in a fake defense with a light chuckle, "Do you blame me for being happy for you? Just take her to the movies, then out for dinner with a little detour to lookout point and you're in like Flynn."

He groaned in annoyance as he took the keys his father was handing him, lookout point, really, what did he think this was some fifties beach movie? Arriving at Nazz's house with plenty of time to spare, he sat in the living room having the talk with her father while she finished getting ready. The usual stuff dad's say to boyfriends, things like being a gentleman to his daughter, have her home by ten and that he would be keeping an eye on him, so no funny business.

If he only knew that they had both already lost their virginity to each other a few years ago when they were fifteen. Kevin couldn't be sure, but he thought that the intimacy they shared in that act was one of the reasons Nazz still held a torch for him. But on the other hand, he had discovered that he wasn't as interested in her as he had thought he was during that act. We all know how it is, teen peer pressure to hurry up and lose the V card, the two of them were dating so it was only natural that they seal the deal together. But while he was having sex with her he came to realize that he wasn't as excited about it as he should be, or at least as excited as everyone said he should be.

But he kept the relationship going for a few weeks after that, in hopes that something might kindle his desire for her, but alas nothing did. Ultimately choosing to end it, hoping they could salvage their friendship from their failed relationship, he was glad when she finally started talking to him again a few months later, all thanks to Nat. He made a personal choice after that, he wanted sex to mean something, he wanted it to be an expression of his love for the person he was with not just be an act of lust. Keeping that in mind it isn't hard to figure out how many people Kevin has slept with in his short life, only two. Just goes to show you that a person's reputation in school sometimes is solely based on other people's perception of them and not in reality, and Casanova Kevin is an example of that.

But here he was, making that same mistake he made when he was fifteen and starting up a relationship with Nazz once again. Hoping that his feelings would evolve from loving her deeply as a friend into loving her passionately as she deserved. Nazz put the finishing touches on, a small spritz of Exclamation to each side of her neck before she made her way down the stairs. She was wearing tight stonewashed jeans, a white button up shirt undone at the top four buttons a pink t-shirt underneath, with her bangs feathered up and large hoop earrings, "You ready to go?"

"Yeah," Kevin stood up, coming over to stand in front of her taking her look in, "You look," he paused searching for the right word, "Stunning."

"Ah, thanks Kev," she gives him a quick kiss on the lips then takes his hand giving him a devious smirk before leading him to the door, "Bye mom, dad, I'll be back later." They exited through the door as her father once again reminded them that she was to be home by ten. Being the gentlemen his mother taught him to be, he opened the car door for her, helping her in by offering her his hand, before getting in himself and driving them to the theaters. The movie theater was relatively new to the town, sure it's a small complex by city standards, but it was a big deal for this small town when it opened. With six theaters inside the decently sized complex, it effectively closed the drive-in, leaving the Peach Theater downtown as it's only competition.

Getting their popcorn and sodas, they made their way inside, sitting in the backrow on the left-hand side against the wall, the door leading into the theater behind them and to their right. They made small talk as they waited for the show to begin, Kevin pointing out that this version was supposed to follow the original book rather well compared to previous versions. He was drawn out of the conversation by a loud, annoying but familiar voice, "Hey Lumpy, where do we want to sit."

Turning his head to the central walkway between the rows of seats, he sees the group of six friends walking past, "Somewhere in the middle Eddy." Kevin sinks into his seat so as to not draw their attention and cause problems as the big guy replied, Nazz cocking a brow at him. Ed's arm was around May's shoulder, Eddy walking hand in hand with Marie, Nat putting Edd in a mild head lock giving him a noogie through his beanie as he lightly teased him.

He watches as they made their way toward the middle row on the right-hand side, "Is this good enough," Eddy says still in a loud voice.

"Eddy, do keep your voice down," Edd could be heard admonishing the shorter boy, "We are in a theater after all."

"A theater not a library, Sockhead," he begins to walk down the row of seats, taking the furthest one from the center aisle, Marie sitting next to him.

"I'm glad you finally saw them for the social climbing leaches they are," Nazz said, leaning her head closer to him so he could hear her whisper, "I was beginning to wonder when you were going to realize it."

Kevin was irritated by what she had said, "Nazz, it wasn't like that."

"Really," she scoffed, "He stole your best friend, do you actually need more proof then that?"

"We just had a disagreement Nazz," Kevin kept his voice down afraid to draw their attention, "I was the one in the wrong, that's why Nat sided with him."

"If you're the one in the wrong, are you going to admit it and apologize?" Her question was more out of concern that he might start hanging out with the dorks again, not out of sense of altruism.

He shakes his head no and looks straight forward again, straightening up in his seat, watching the group from the side of his eye. Ed and May were sitting in the middle of the group, Edd and Nat on the outside of the group. Nat acting as though he was stretching, his right arm going around Edd's shoulder, his left coming back flipping Kevin the bird. A pit of jealousy forming in his stomach as he imagined himself walking over to break that offending arm as Nat leans in to whisper something to the boy.

He did his best to ignore them throughout the movie, holding Nazz's hand, they whispered to each other from time to time, commenting on the movie and its authentic period look. As soon as the ending credits begin to roll, Nazz and Kevin quickly made their way out of the theater and into the lobby. Excusing herself to the restroom Kevin waited for her at the entrance of the adjoining arcade, out of sight of the main lobby. Hearing the group of friends pass as they exited the building, "It was so sad," Edd sniffled, "They couldn't be together in the end."

"At least he found peace after four hundred years," Nat comforted him.

"But to have to kill the one you love is such a tragic ending,' the sadness in his voice was evident to Kevin and he peeks out from around the corner.

"It's just a movie Edd," Nat's arm was around him again, soothing him by caressing his shoulder.

"I know that," he replied as Nat opens the exit door for him with his free hand, guiding him through it with the hand around his shoulder. Nat locked eyes with the one who has been watching them from his hiding spot, mouthing the word asshole at him before walking through it himself to escort the boy to his car and back home.

"There you are," Nazz calls out as she rounds the corner, "I was beginning to think you ditched me."

"Nope just standing here waiting," he replied pushing his emotions deep down, "Just thought I would see if they got any new games." He offers her his arm and escorts her out of the building and to his car, contemplating all that he had just witnessed. Was the priest right, has Edd already gotten over him and was now seeing Nat? Or have they been doing this behind his back the entire time and he just wasn't aware of it until now? Either scenario hurt however, for even though he had called it off with Edd to try and salvage his family life, he had always thought that he had meant something to him.

Squashing his emotions down even further he takes his father's advice and drives them out to lookout point, parking the car in one of the spaces, he shuts off the engine and lets out a sigh. "You alright Kev," she brushes his bangs out of his face, "You've been acting weird tonight."

He turns to face her, "I'm fine," he reassures her, "Just got a lot on my mind."

"If you want to talk about it," she starts.

And he cuts her off, "No, it's cool, but thanks," and faces the front of the car again, drumming his legs nervously.

"Ok, if you're sure."

"Yeah, I'm sure." They sat in an uncomfortable silence for a few minutes as Kevin contemplated starting the car again and getting her home. She looks around and sees that no one else was in the area, the point being well known as a hook up spot for teenagers, for you could easily see cars approaching for some distance before they would even reach you. Letting out a soft sigh that was barely audible, she realizes that she would have to be the one to initiate things if she wanted to get anywhere tonight.

Leaning toward him, she turns his head to face her with a gentle touch to the cheek, joining their lips in a soft sweet kiss that lasted a couple of minutes. She wanted him to know that she cared for him deeply, that she felt they should never have broken up in the first place, that they were now where they should have always been, together. He felt his body react to the desire she was pouring into him, he runs his hand through her hair, taking control of that kiss as he placed his hand to the back of her head, panting for breath between each kiss. Pausing for a moment to catch her breath, she sucks on her bottom lip savoring his taste, "Did you bring?" He hums a yes as he joins their lips once again, "Do you want to," another kiss, "Maybe," and another, "Get in the back."

"Um, yeah, sure," with his consent she climbs into the back seat of the car and slides out of her pants quickly. Smiling at him as she nibbled on her bottom lip seductively, beckoning him to her with her forefinger. Climbing into the back after her, a wicked grin on his face, she sits him down on the seat and straddles his lap, joining their lips she reaches between them and undoes his pants to release the beast trapped inside. Sheathing him in latex she slides down his length panting at the sensation it brought forth, that exquisite pleasure that came in waves as she stroked his manhood with her body, enjoying the intimacy that comes with this act.

Kevin closed his eyes, grunting as he enjoyed the warm pleasurable sensation she was bringing forth as she rolled her hips with each thrust, the sweet taste of her lips upon his own. His mind wondering off to a certain raven-haired boy he loved, and though the intimacy they were sharing was special, it did not compare to the night he shared with Edd. His heart breaking once again to the memory, he shook the thoughts from his mind and quickened his pace, thrusting up into her as she slid down him, grunting as he did so. Bringing his speed to where he was roughly pounding their hips together, she screams out in pleasure at the delicious friction his speed brought. Cumming moments later, filling the reservoir of the condom, grunting and moaning as his orgasm piqued and washed over him, muting his heart for a moment as it screamed at him for his betrayal of the love he had for Edd. Throwing the used condom out the window, they cleaned up and got dressed, getting her home that night right on time.


	3. Ink

Love Looks Not with the Eyes Chapter 3 – Ink

 **A/N- The song is by Coldplay**

Kevin's remaining time in High School was quickly coming to an end, the season changing from one to the other. The nights growing colder as November was coming to its end, bringing with it that wonderful family holiday, Thanksgiving, and all the joys that family bring with it and the drama that accompanies them. Sitting down to a noisy dinner with all the aunts, uncles, cousins and grandparents that could make it to their house this year. He answered tedious questions from relatives he saw on a regular basis. Questions like the one from his aunt who thought she had the perfect catholic girl for him, even though he was already dating Nazz. Then there was the constant bickering from his younger twin cousins over the most minor of things, he touched my Gameboy to he's playing my game. It was enough to make him praise god that he was an only child, how Tina had lived with them growing up should have qualified her for sainthood.

After dinner was over he retreated to his room to finally get some privacy today, lord knows he couldn't take another one of grandpa's war stories. Or Timothy crying again because David was a cruel bastard to his brother only because they looked alike and he was jealous of any attention Timothy got from their parents. Closing the door behind him he plopped down on his bed, pulling the pillow over his face and lightly screamed into it, keeping it at a low volume so as to not draw any attention to himself. His mind wondering over to the house across the street that has been empty since thanksgiving vacation had begun. Wondering what out of town family the little dork must be visiting and how long he would be gone, not that it would do him any good when the boy came back. His heart just felt weird not knowing where he was or how far away he might be, like the piece of his heart he had given to Edd was so far away he could no longer feel it.

 _"_ _Stop it Kevin, you're never going to get better if you keep fixating on the boy,"_ he thought to himself as he took a deep breath. Letting it out he tries to release the anxiety that was building up from the shame he felt for thinking about him. _"_ _It's going to get better Kevin, you're going to get better, it just takes time."_ Throwing the pillow off his head he starts to say a silent prayer asking god to give him the strength he needed to avoid temptation and to help guide him back to his loving arms.

The door to his room bursts open and the twins come running in with loud excited voices, plopping down in front of his small TV, "Oh cool he's got it," David said pulling out Kevin's copy of Street Fighter 2.

Kevin shot up the instant the door flew open, jaw slack with disbelief at the two intruders, "What the hell are you doing in here."

They ignore him, Timothy turning on the TV, David loading the cartridge and flipping the switch to turn the power on. "I'm Chun-Li," Timothy announced proudly, knowing he could kick his brother's ass with her.

"Get the fuck out of my room."

"Go ahead, play a girl, queer," David teased him. Kevin huffed at the name his thirteen-year-old cousin choose to call his twin, only confirming his previous thought that he is a bastard toward his brother.

"Mom," Timothy yelled toward the door, a hurt expression on his face as though tears were about to come falling down his cheeks at any second.

Kevin snatches them both up by the collar, "I said get the hell out of my room."

Aunt Kim, the boy's mother, comes to the door hearing what Kevin was saying and she witnesses him dragging them to their feet by their shirts, "Kevin they just want to play the game." He lets go of the two boys giving his aunt an annoyed look, "I'm sorry, but I didn't know you were in here or I wouldn't have let the boys disturb you." She beckons him toward her with her hand, "Why don't you come down and spend some time with the adults and let the boys play."

"Fine," he said exasperatedly as he walks toward the door, "But if you break anything," he turns back to face the two of them, "It's coming out of your hides." Leaving the room, she gives him some weak excuse that he needed to spend more time with his family and that the game will help keep the boys out of their hair.

The following months Christmas get together was no different, if he tried to get a moment alone to clear his mind of the annoying drama his family brought, they would shepherd him back into the room with all the adults. He was getting the sneaking suspicion that they were trying to keep as many watchful eyes upon him as they could and separate him from anyone they deemed impressionable. Where they afraid that he would influence the younger generation in some way and somehow force them to stop being straight. This idea was starting to piss him off, not only were they not showing any trust in him, it was also proof that their feelings towards him were not improving.

It was as if they all still thought of him as the abomination, the freak, the monster that the Priest had told him any normal human being would shy away from. But he wasn't like that anymore, he was getting help for his illness, he was getting better, why couldn't they see that, why can't they still love him.

These actions they were doing and considering harmless safety precautions were tearing their son apart from the inside. Any guy he got close to in friendship was ruthlessly scrutinized for any possibility that he might get into another unhealthy relationship. Looks were given if they disapproved of his behavior with this friend, as little reminders that he needed to be careful were given with no thought of tact or his feelings. Father O'Malley would get word of these new friends from his parents and would drill Kevin, trying to discern his intent until he was satisfied that he held no lust in his heart for them. Any success, such as dating Nazz and sealing the deal, was met with mild reward, any perceived set back was rewarded with a verbal and emotional lashing that tore down his confidence and self-esteem.

February came and so did his birthday, the only thing he asked for from his parents that year was a tattoo. His father brimming with pride, for his son who is afraid of needles, has chosen to take this male rite of passage of his own free will, somehow proving his manhood by facing his fears. Richard took the day off from work to drive his son down to Summerville, to a highly recommended professional, even paying for all three sittings it would take to get the job done up front.

Standing at the counter in the tattoo shop, Kevin looked through the books filled with designs, flipping through page after page looking for the right one. Not wanting to get anything to hardcore like the grim reaper, nor did he want something that could be considered too cute. He needed something to strike the middle ground and at the same time suite his tastes perfectly. He found what he was looking for in the middle of the second book, pulling the design out he gives it to the artist who would be working on him.

Taking his seat in the chair he rolls up his sleeve on his right arm, giving the artist a few extra instructions about the design, agreeing with a few of her suggestions to those alterations. She takes those ideas and visualizes them as they talk, sketching them down on a piece of paper so she had the design and notes available for when he comes back the next time. For his first sitting Kevin was only able to last two hours, as he gritted his teeth trying to keep his mind and eyes off the needle working the ink into his skin. His father tossing him a congratulatory beer when they got home, sitting together and watching the game as they use to do before it all went down. Peeling off the bandage later that night, to do as the artist instructed him to do to clean his fresh ink, he sees that they had only gotten through the basic outline of the design.

On his second visit, he was determined for it to last longer than the first, and it did, but not by much. Withstanding the pain and his fears, he was only able to stay in that chair for two and a half hours before he had to call it quits for the day. By the end of that session they had gotten through most of the coloring, all that was left now was to finish that up and then do the shading for depth. His third visit was a week later, and he swore to himself that he would not get up out of that chair until the work was done, he was a man after all and he could do this shit. Four hours pass by before the artist finally tells him that she was finished as she wipes the last bit of excess off the completed work before positioning a mirror to show him his new tattoo. It was a realistic heart wrapped in rose vines, the thrones piercing that heart producing a trail of blood that dripped down the vines, a single blue rose bud at the top ready to bloom.

Admiring the artwork of his new tattoo in the bathroom mirror that night as he cleaned it, he waged a little war inside his mind. Was it wrong of him to get the rose the same color as his eyes? No there is nothing wrong with loving someone, god teaches us to love. But he's a guy and that makes it a sin, doesn't it? No, you're not seeking a physical relationship with him, so it is not a sin to love him, love is not the same thing as lust. Letting out a deep sigh, he talks to his reflection, "Maybe I should have them change the color." He looks at it, the blue reminding him of those eyes he loved so much, "Red and blue would make purple wouldn't it, maybe I should just make it black." He never did change the color of that rose, but instead wore it as a conscious reminder of where he has been, and subconsciously where is heart still was.

In the last week of March, he walked into the army recruiter's office and began the process of joining the military. The recruiter asking him several questions, like what were his goals? Kevin's main goal was to earn the money to go to college, "With the G.I. bill, you will be well on your way to meeting that goal." He also knew that the army was a good place to get some career training, "Yes we offer a wide verity of career paths, from mechanical training to office work." He also wanted to ensure he could provide for his future family, "A married serviceman gets subsidies for housing which we provide at a cheap and affordable rate on base. Top notch family healthcare, access to the commissary on base, child care and the support of a family like community."

They continued to talk about several other things during that meeting before the recruiter told him to go home and talk it over with his family and let them help him make this choice. In all honesty that decision has already been made in his father's mind, the army would help round him out and supply all he would need to be successful in life. His mother supported this decision, but in the back of her mind couldn't help the feeling that her son could be put in danger if any major conflict was ever to happen. With the choice made he was brought down to Summerville a week later to take the ASVAB test, getting the results a few days after that, the recruiter proudly declaring that he was qualified to do any job he wanted to in the army.

At this point is when he should have taken what his recruiter said with a grain of salt, for they have quotas to meet, a certain amount of people for infantry, a certain amount of people for engineering and so on. His recruiter told him the quickest path to start his career would be through the infantry, anything else could keep him in training and away from those he loved for a year or more. Then there was the nice two-thousand-dollar sign on bonus that accompanied this career path to sweeten the deal. Agreeing to his recruiter's suggestion, for that money could help with college, he took the next step, a very thorough physical examination at the MEPS in Summerville.

They tested his mobility and range of movement, more needles were ignored as they took blood, eye exams and hearing tests were done. They cataloged birthmarks, scars and tattoos incase the worst should happen, they also did a standard physical which including a prostate examine before they were finished that day. When the green light was given that he was physically sound and healthy to enter service, he signed his contract and took the oath. His deployment to Fort Benning Georgia, nicknamed Sand Hill, would occur a week after he graduated school.


	4. In the Army Now

Love Looks Not with the Eyes Chapter 4 – In the Army Now

Today was the last day before Kevin shipped out, tonight at seven his recruiter would arrive to take him down to Summerville. There he would stay the night at a hotel to be picked up early in the morning and take to the airport by shuttle bus to begin the trip down to Georgia. It was a nice sunny June day, as a gentle breeze swept across the backyard, the extend family gathering at Richard and Barbra Barr's home to wish Kevin farewell and good luck. The twins were playing in the above ground pool, to keep them busy and out of the adult's hair, David enjoyed making a game out of dunking his brother. Richard was standing at the grill on the patio cooking steaks, as his father William watches over his shoulder, giving his son pointers on how to properly cook them. His uncle Sam was sitting in a fold up lawn chair close to his brother and father, so they could all listen and talk about the baseball game that was coming over the small portable stereo next to him. His mother and aunt were in the kitchen preparing the side dishes to go with their meal, mashed potatoes, corn on the cob and deviled eggs.

Kevin and Nazz were sitting at the patio table with Tina, holding each other's hands, as they talked about nothing of importance. A little box in Kevin's pocket shifts, reminding him of an announcement he needed to make before his time was up today. Tina knew exactly what he was up to, having taken him to buy that cheap ring in some pawn store in Summerville, she was wondering what the hell he was thinking doing this. For it was obvious to Tina that he wasn't really in love with Nazz, it was the little things that told this story, from the way he held her hand to the hesitation he had before he would kiss her. Even now sitting there with her, he had a look of disinterest in his eyes as though he wanted to be anywhere else but there, his mouth might be smiling, but his heart was not. Then there was the boy he had told her about all those months ago, as he broke down and cried in her arms that day, laying bare all that had happened between them and why his heart was now breaking. But over those months he began to talk less about the boy and more about what his family and that priest were telling him he should be doing.

She sat there and stewed about this as supper was served, giving half-hearted replies to Nazz's overly jovial personality. As they ate, their Grandfather gave Kevin advice on what and what not to do during basic training, regaling the family once again with one of his Korean war stories that they were all well versed in. William pauses at the end of his story, his usually stern face softens with a warm smile, raising his beer he toasts, "Here's to my grandson, a soldier who fights and loves, may he never lack for either."

Kevin looks fondly at the 62-year-old man as he raised his soda can, sitting the can down he nervously rubs the back of his neck, "Thanks gramps." Looking to each one of his family members, he knew now was as good a time as any, "And thank you all for coming to see me off, I couldn't have made this choice without all of your support." Looking toward Nazz, "Especially yours," he brings the hand he was holding up to his lips and kisses the back of it. Releasing her hand, he stands, pushing his chair back a few inches, "Nazz," he goes down to one knee as he pulls the box out of his pocket, she cups both her hands to her mouth, as Tina rolls her eyes, "Will you marry me."

He opens the velvet box to display the ring with its small diamond upon it, and looks up and into her eyes as she nods her head excitedly barely breathing out her response of "Yes." Taking the ring, he places it upon her left ring finger, thanking god it actually fit properly as he couldn't remember her size. Looking up again he joins their lips for a quick kiss as those around them applauded the new fiancé's, Tina quietly scoffing as she shakes her head and begrudgingly joined in.

The men congratulating Kevin as Nazz felt like the bell of the ball as all the woman gathered around her to admire her small yet pretty ring. Kevin's emotions were on fire, he was anxious, nervous and dreading this decision he had just made, the way that his stomach was already in knots you would think they were standing at the altar. But this is what was expected of him after all, so he hid his fears behind a smiling face and a confident look, trying to enjoy the rest of his day. They spent the rest of that evening talking over their plans with the family and each other, Nazz would stay up here and go to college while Kevin went through basic, getting married once she graduated, Kevin's idea. There hopes were that he would get his first choice of Fort Knot located thirty minutes outside of Summerville, if he didn't get it she would move to where he was after they got married, Nazz's idea.

In truth, Kevin never put Fort Knot down as any of his choices on his application, if anyone had known this and asked him why, he would be unable to tell you. Subconsciously it stemmed from a desire to get as far away from these people he called family for as long as he possibly could, so that maybe he could gain some semblance of control over his own life. But consciously whenever he went to write that name down on the form he found that he couldn't, he would feel sick with nerves and his hand would start to tremble. The further his real choices were from Peach Creek the more at ease he would feel about them.

As the sun began to dip toward the horizon Kevin's time here was coming to an end. Saying his final goodbyes to the people he has grown up with and that he called family along with his new fiancé. He walks out the front door of his childhood home to get into the recruiter's car to begin his trip toward adulthood. The trip to Atlanta began the next day before the sun came up, arriving at the international airport a few hours later, he marveled at its size. Being from a small town it was his first time being in an airport that had its own subway system, from there it was a quick trip by van to Fort Benning.

Stepping out of the van, the small group of new recruits were ushered into the reception building by the drill sergeant that waited at the door to "greet" them. The next few days were spent here at the reception building, where he was issued an advance on his first paycheck to buy the supplies he would need from the list they provided. Running shoes, PT uniform, hygiene supplies, shoe shine kit and then his hair cut, which amounted to a buzz down to nothing. From there he was issued all his gear, ruck sack, class A dress uniforms, BDU's, boots, t-shirts, underwear, socks, canteens, flashlight, duffle bag and a shit ton of reading material on army SOP's.

The next day was his first PFT (Physical Fitness Test), which had to be passed to move on to basic training, if failed they would keep him there until they ensured he passed. But of course Kevin passed the test easily, and found it amazing that some people actually failed it, since they only expected you to do 13 push-ups 17 sit-ups and a one mile run in eight and a half minutes.

With the prerequisites met, he was grouped up with the recruits shipping off to Sand Hill the following morning. Waking before the butt crack of dawn, they shit showered and shaved and were in formation to salute the raising of the flag at revelry. Afterwards they were quickly loaded onto cattle trucks and shipped down field to their new home for the next three months, Alpha company of the 1-19, he was placed in the first platoon. As the doors of the cattle truck opened they were met by barking drill sergeants who ordered them off the trucks, harassing them and taunting them to try and make them flinch, their reward for doing so was push-ups. As a matter of fact, there was very little they could do that didn't end with them in the front leaning rest position from then until the red phase was completed. Twitch you were down, go to slow and you were down, didn't have the right answer you might as well just admit it and go down.

The first three weeks consisted of mostly classroom type training as well as physical fitness, in the classroom they learned how to dismantle and maintain their weapon. As well as the uniform code of military justice and the proper way to read a map and how to use a compass. Anytime they went down field for training they either marched there with full ruck sack or were transported by cattle truck. By the end of the third week they were given a special little present by their drill sergeants, one they were eager to give to them, the gas chamber.

Throughout the day they were taught the proper way to signal their comrades of a gas attack and how to quickly put on their gas masks. At the end of the training session they were shown that the masks actually worked. Brought into the building wearing their masks, they stood in formation, their drill sergeant then triggers a canister of tear gas allowing them stand there for a minute breathing normally before they ordered them to take their masks off. The first thought most have is that this isn't going to be so bad is it, but when Kevin took his first unprotected breath, he felt as though someone had reached into his chest and was now squeezing his lungs. All he could do was cough, his body desperately trying to get air, his instincts telling him to run for the door. But he was not allowed to leave until the drill sergeant got to him and asked him a single question, his question was how many cans of beer are in a six pack.

Coughing out his answer he then runs for the exit when told he could leave, continuing to cough and sputter as fresh air hit his lungs, a single strand of mucus running from his nose and upper lip down to his knees. Wiping and flinging the disgusting snot off him, he was instructed to wash his face off with the water in his canteen to get the chemicals off of his face.

The rest of his training consisted of learning different weapon systems, from the M16 to the M60. There is nothing like the thrill having to low crawl through an obstacle course while having live 60 calibers fired over your head. He learned the different types of grenades and how to use them properly, five seconds and they better be out of your hand. How to properly deploy and retrieve landmines, and that there would be none of that Hollywood bullshit of "Guys I stepped on a mine," he would be blown to pieces before he ever figured that out. The final physical test of his training consisted of two parts, the first was a seventeen-mile road march in full gear done through sandy hilly terrain, hence the nickname Sand Hill. And the second part was a PFT where he had to do 42 push-ups in 2 minutes 53 sit-ups in 2 minutes and a 2-mile run in less than 16 minutes. Anyone who failed these had to take the entire three-month course over again, none did, for they had learned to work as a team and help those that needed it.

Graduating his training, he marched down the parade field in his dress uniform, proudly wearing his blue infantry cord on his right shoulder. The visiting families applauding their sons as they took the next steps in their lives, none of his family were present that day, but it didn't matter to him. He had neither called them or wrote them while he was in training, nor did they make the attempt in contacting him. The only letters he had received or returned were those from Nazz and Tina.

Returning to Peach Creek to help his recruiter with a little hometown recruiting before going back to Georgia to join his unit, he immediately heads over to Tina's house as soon as he got in town. Her and her girlfriend were now living in a small town twenty minutes outside of Peach Creek and halfway to Summerville. Kevin felt more at home with his cousin then he did at his parent's house now a days, making it the natural place for him to go when he came to visit.

Knocking on the door, he could hear footsteps approaching on the other side and he prepared himself for what was too come. Swinging the door open as she reached it, Tina sees that all too familiar grin plastered upon his face and screams in excitement, bouncing upon the balls of her feet. "You son of a bitch," she opens the screen door and exits the house, snatching him up in a tight hug, "Why didn't you tell me you were coming."

Rocking her back and forth in that hug, "I wanted to surprise you, Cuz."

Pat comes to the door, wondering what all the commotion was about, and seeing the two cousins together rushes off to get the camera. "Well consider me surprised then soldier," Tina pulls him around and leads him into the house by the arm, getting a quick flash from the camera as they walked in the door.

Kevin blinked a few times to regain his vision, "Really Patty melt, that's the first thing you do?"

"What?" She turns the camera in her hands and away from her face, "You looked so handsome in your uniform, I had to get a picture."

"Aren't you supposed to give me a hug first," he opens his arms wide for the woman to step into, growling as he squeezed her tight.

Sitting down for dinner, he tells them in more detail what his training was like along with a few fun stories that accompanied it. "So are you going to see Nazz while you're in town?" Tina was hoping that the three months apart would have opened her cousin's eyes on what a big mistake he was making getting engaged.

"Of course I'm going to see her," he said with a bit of food in his mouth, "What made you think I wasn't Teenie?

"No reason," she adjusts in her chair a little, "Just that I hear she's been up your mother's ass about the wedding," she lowers her voice for the next part, "Even though its four years away."

"So, she's a little excited about it, that's natural."

She points her fork at him, "Well, maybe you can help reign in some of that excitement." She sops up some of her spaghetti sauce with her garlic bread, "Do you have any other plans while you're here?"

"Thinking about going to see Nat."

Pat asks sharply, "What for?"

He replies casually, as though there shouldn't be any other thought about it, "I don't know, to say I'm sorry for what happened."

"I would avoid him if I were you," Tina's expression was one of sadness that the two long time friends wouldn't be able to patch things up anytime soon. Kevin cocks a brow, for surely Nat would have forgiven him by now, they were best friends before this all went down, that must count for something. "Since your fight, he has become really close to the," she pauses as she did not want to irritate Kevin, "Boy."

Kevin's brow furrows, "Oh, so he's still fucking him I see."

"Kevin," both Pat and Tina exclaim and Tina continues, "It's not like that."

Kevin's voice became harsher and colder, "I should have fucking known that there to be a reason he always hang out with us. It had nothing to do with helping us out, and everything to do with getting his dick wet."

"They're just friends Kevin," Tina said in an aggravated tone, she was not liking the implications of his words.

"Really," he scoffs, "I saw him hanging all over him like some dog in heat."

Pat's tone was just as irritated at how he was acting, "When, where?"

"At the movies, shortly after our fight." With each of the following words, Kevin's voice was becoming more irritated, "He kept hugging him or putting his arm around him."

Tina looks at Pat and they both laugh, "Yeah, he told us all about that," Pat says mid laugh.

"He was trying to piss you off," Tina added, "He was hoping your dumb ass would do something about it, and in the process, get over your bull shit and admit it to yourself."

"Admit what," the wind had been taken out of his sails as he emotionally collapsed in on himself.

"That you still love the boy, duh," Pat replied gently smacking the palm of her hand against the side of her head with the last word.

He nervously replies, "I don't love him," the words tasting bitter upon his tongue, "That's disgusting," he added softly.

There was that trained response the priest had instilled in him, "Whatever dude." Tina picks up her plate and takes it to the sink, shaking her head as she goes, for she has seen this kind of behavior before. It was in her senior year that one of her friends and classmates, Derek, who is also gay but was in the closet at the time, had become smitten with a boy he met at a party they went to. Tim was his name and was a junior at the time, he was one of Kevin's classmates and on the baseball team with him, if she recalled correctly.

Derek and Tim spent most of the beginning of that night slyly flirting with each other, under the guise of male bonding of course. Sneaking away together sometime in the middle of the party to do god only knows what away from prying eyes. When they returned thirty minutes later, Tim had distanced himself from Derek, becoming loud and boisterous, letting as many people know that he was all about the pussy, in a way that he thought was nonchalant. Derek told Tina a few days later that Tim had sucked him off in the bushes behind the house when they had disappeared together. It took Tim another year to come to terms with himself before he asked Derek to forgive him for his mistakes and out on a real date for Valentine's Day last year. They have been together ever since, and though they can't get married, have taken to referring to each other as their husbands.

 **A/N- by the end of this chapter we are now in the 93-94 school year. Putting Edd Sr. in tenth grade and Alice in eighth grade.**


	5. High and Dry

Love Looks Not with the Eyes Chapter 5 – High and Dry

 **A/N- From here time will start to speed up, I have to cover twenty-four years in decent amount of chapters after all. So it will be a lot of description, only getting dialog at important points from here on out. The song is from Radiohead.**

Before he left Peach Creek to return to Fort Binning, Kevin did spend a few days with Nazz, as per their plans, she had remained in their hometown to go to the small Ivy League school of Orchard Heights. The small college was located in the neighboring town of Lemon Brook which lay only five miles outside of Peach Creeks boarders, making the commute from home to school relatively short for Nazz. She preferred this over the distance the bigger school of Summerville University was from her home and family.

Their time together was spent on quick dinner dates followed up by either bowling, a movie or a walk down on the river as the sun set. On a few of these dates he would avoid her attempts to initiate sex by claiming exhaustion from a long early day of recruiting or some other halfhearted excuse. He did care for her and loved her in his own way, it just lacked the fire of passion that romantic love was supposed to have, causing his desire for intimacy with her to falter. When he ran out of excuses before he left and finally laid down with her, the act was more mechanical for him rather than being filled with desire or love, but he did his best to hide this from her.

To this he thought he had succeeded, so then why is he marrying her you might ask yourself if he doesn't love her? Well she had been hinting in subtle ways the months before he left for basic that she wanted to get married, then there was the fact that his family expected him to marry some beautiful girl, so why not marry someone he was close to. They did get along pretty well and have been friends for several years, she was pretty attractive, so willing himself into the sexual act wouldn't be an issue for him, beside they were dating at the time. So, it all boils down to some screwed up and manipulated logic, boys were meant to marry girls, and she was a girl and a prime candidate for marriage.

Returning to Georgia after his hometown recruiting was over, he was assigned to his company and began his military life, and in the process erected a wall around himself to hide his perceived sins. This didn't mean he distanced himself from his comrades, no, he quickly and easily made friends with the people in his company and his platoon. This wall was in the form of having to prove himself to those around him, by following the things Father O'Malley and his father had brow beat into his head. Take charge, led by example, be a man, and most importantly do not show weakness to anyone, only pussies cry.

These thought processes lead Kevin to make another bad choice in his life, instead of saving the first installment of his bonus check for college, he squandered it away on a down payment for a Harley. In essence, the hog was a status symbol to prove his manhood to the rest of the world, subconsciously it became his escape from it.

Riding the roaring best down the country roads he would have time to clear his head from the things that were bothering him, he could let out all the emotions he was holding in away from prying eyes. This would become his routine on days he was trouble by things in his life, or if he was emotionally stressed about something and needed the release. His first night owning the motorcycle was no exception, taking it out he began exploring the back roads near the fort, going over the things that were bothering him. He actually consciously went over the hopes he had that during their four year engagement Nazz would meet someone else in college that would catch her interest more than he did, she could keep the damn ring for all he cared. At least then his family couldn't really blame him for their breakup, and question him to much about it. He also let lose all his grief that his family was still treating him like a disappointment, he had done all they had asked of him, but nothing seemed to be changing their opinion of him. Why did he have to be so fucking careless, if it hadn't been for his mistake and his parents coming home early he would still be with the boy that his heart refused to forget about, no matter how hard he tried.

Screaming over the roar of the engine, his speed was becoming dangerous upon those curvy back roads, nearly losing control of the hog as he hit a bump in the road. The back tire swerving from right to left causing his heart to nearly pound out of his chest, he eased up on the accelerator and slowed the bike down to a stop. The adrenaline pumping through his veins, his chuckle turns into a hysterical laugh before he breaks down and cries. Maybe it would be better if he was dead, then he could no longer disappoint them, now could he, and maybe Nat and Edd could learn to forgive him as they mourned his passing.

"Fuck you, dumbass," he admonished himself, "Death will fix nothing." How right he was, for no matter how bad he felt, because of the way his parents treated him, or the way he was deceiving Nazz into thinking he loved her, or the heartbreak he suffered. Death is to permanent and fixes nothing in the end, it just leaves those left behind with questions that will never be answered, for dead men tell no tales. He would just have to learn to live with the mistakes he has made and move forward with the continued hope that his heart would learn let go and make room for Nazz.

Over the course of the four years he spent in his self-imposed banishment from Peach Creek, his heart did just that. Slowly the pain of his loss began to subside now that he was no longer face to face with the boy on a daily basis at school, or living across the street from him. But even though the pain was going away, his heart would always hold a special place in memory for his first love. His love for Nazz, however, was not growing, even though they talked to each other on the phone every day, or with the little visits he made to Peach Creek when he took leave. These visits consisted of going over to Tina and Pat's place to catch up, then over to see Nazz and to take her on a date, very little to no time was spent at his parent's house. He quickly went up the ranks during this time, making Specialist within six months of joining his company. His commanders impressed with his drive and motivation put him on the fast track making him a Corporal in a little under a year and a half from his enlistment date. Having completed his military driving training early in his carrier, he was then assigned as the driver for his platoons Sgt. First Class (SFC), their ranking Non-Commissioned Officer (NCO)

From there it was just a matter of experience, and only time and effort would afford him promotions from here on. Mentoring under the lead NCO of their platoon, he learned a great many things from the man, leadership skills, decision making, how to communicate by radio with the squads under the SFC's command. His teachings were invaluable to Kevin, earning him the rank of Sergeant a few short months after his third year of enlisted service, and command over his own squad. Over this time his hopes that Nazz would leave him were beginning to subside as well, he would find a way for this to work between them. He had a successful carrier and someone who obviously loved him, what more could a man want really, like they say, if you can't be with the one you want, love the one you're with.

Time continued its relentless march as it always did, and the final year of their engagement was quickly coming to its end and he needed to make the choice now. Stay down here in Georgia and have Nazz move down there with him, or move back up to Summerville where they would be closer to their families. Either choice would work for him, but Nazz was addiment about staying close to her family, "Baby, you're going to have to get use to the idea of being away from them eventually," Kevin said to her over the phone, a flustered tone in his voice.

"Yeah, I know," she replied meekly.

"I mean even if I do get transferred up there, what's going to stop them from transferring me again, and to some place even farther away, like Germany." He lets out a sigh, trying to abate his frustration, "Don't tell me that once we get married you're going to stay here if that happens?"

"No," was her quick response.

"Alright, then you're just going to have to mentally prepare yourself to move to other places," he needed to sell this to her now and not wait till the last moment. "Just think of all the nice places we could go."

"Yeah, like Alaska," she huffed.

"Oh, now don't be like that," he said soothingly, "I hear Alaska's beautiful."

"And cold," her tone turns to one of irritation, "And what about my career Kevin?"

"There are always going to be a school for you to teach in Nazz, no matter where we go," she's now only thinking about this, she knew this was part of the deal when she said yes to his proposal three and a half years ago. "I'm not saying your career is any less important than mine baby, but if they tell me to go somewhere, I kind of have to, I can't tell them no."

"You're right," she said halfheartedly, "But can you at least see if you can get assigned up here."

"I'll put in a request and see what they say, but I can't make any promises," his tone was soothing again as he was trying to defuse the situation.

"That's all I'm ask for," her voice was returning to a calm tone, "I love you."

"I love you too," he replied softly, "But I've got to go, I'll call you again tomorrow," saying their farewells he hangs up the phone.

He schedules a meeting for later that week with his company commander the very next day, talking to the man, he explains the situation and his fiancés wishes. "It's a shame to hear that you wish to transfer, but I understand. I can look into it and see if there is someone on the SWAP program who might want to transfer down here from Fort Knot."

"Thank you Sir," Kevin salutes the man and waited for him to return it then exits the room. The process from there was slow going, but by three months Kevin was filling out the papers waiving any cost to the government for his travel expenses. As well as his acknowledgement that he was changing posts with the soldier transferring down to his post, before he was handed his transfer orders to begin making his way back up north to Fort Knot.

 **A/N- By the end of this chapter it is 1997, Edd has finished his first year of college and is engaged to Leslie, Nat has graduated college with a bachelor's degree in Business Administration. Alice is 17 and well, you'll just have to wait and see, mahahahaha**


	6. Get me to the Church on Time

Love Looks Not with the Eyes Chapter 6 – Get me to the Church on Time

 **A/N- The song is from the musical My Fair Lady**

Kevin adapted quickly to his new position at Fort Knot, and the command over his new squad. He was a hardnosed leader, expecting discipline from his men in all their actions when on duty. But he wasn't so ridged that he wouldn't allow them time to let of some steam when the moment called for it. His work life continued to be a success, impressing his commander with his drive and motivation, his home life however was fraught with chaos. Nazz was a frantic mess with the final preparation for their marriage, as though all her earlier choices over their four year engagement were all suddenly not good enough. Kevin tried to help at the beginning, making little suggestions on what he thought would be best choice, only to learn that she had a vision for that day that would not be compromised, the term bridezilla comes to mind.

Every little detail had to be absolutely perfect, she has already snagged the perfect guy, and she knew she deserved the best, this was her dream wedding after all. She wanted the reception to be at the river front hotel, it had a beautiful park between its two buildings that would be perfect for what they needed. Not to mention the honeymoon suite in the hotel was spacious and lavish, everything she could hope for on her wedding night. She wanted the wedding to be held at Our Lady of Peace down in the older part of Summerville, the gothic style building would make the perfect backdrop for the wedding photos with the family. Guests list were made and scrutinized, she didn't want the wrong sort of people there, several of Kevin's old high school friends not making the cut because they fell into that category.

His budget couldn't afford a lavish dinner or fancy flower arrangements she wanted, but his grandfather chipped in and she got her white Lilies and Caprese stuffed chicken breast. Both sets of parents chipped in for the romantic honeymoon to Hawaii that she so wanted. She even went so far as to choose Kevin's best man for him, begging him to ask her best friend and matron of honors husband to do it. By this time Kevin was putting up no resistance to her ideas, the only person from high school he would have wanted to fill the role was no longer in his corner. And those that he had become close to in the years that followed his graduation all lived in Georgia and were regrettably unable to attend, and even than none of them had filled the shoes that Nat's absents had left behind.

The night before his wedding the guys in his squad had decided it was one of those moments that blowing off a little steam was in order. "Come on Sarge," Pvt. Dwight urges after formation had ended, "You have to celebrate your last day of freedom."

PFC. Peterson seconded that, "Yeah Sarge, you've got to at least let us send you off in style."

"Okay, okay, I get it," Kevin held up his hands in surrender, "You boys want to go out drinking," he motions toward the phone, "Just let me call Nazz to let her know where I'll be." The boy's excitement was noticeable as Peterson and Dwight fist bumped, SPC. Taylor from first squad and Cpl. Rodriguez from fourth squad were joining them for the night. The four of them running off to change into their civvies as he called home, Nazz quickly answering, "Hey sweet heart."

"Hey baby," she replied, "Are you on your way home?"

"Well," he said in an apologetic tone, "The boys want to take me out tonight to celebrate."

She was mildly disappointed but understood, she had learned quickly that military men were men of passion. When you're in the military you have the mindset that you had to enjoy life as if it was your last day on earth, for who knew when you might be sent off to die on some foreign battle field. "Alright, I understand, but no strip bars, and please make sure you're home at a decent hour."

"Yes dear," he replied warmly, "I love you."

"I love you too" her disappointment was still noticeable, "I'll see you tonight."

Hanging up the phone, he goes to the locker room to change into his civvies as well, having decided long ago that it would be better to be in blue jeans, chaps and wearing a leather jacket if he got in a wreck then in his BDU's (Battle Dress Uniform). Joining the guys in the parking lot he follows them on his Harley as they led him into the red-light district of town. Parking in front of a strip bar, Trisha's Titty Twister, he takes off his helmet and shakes his head, what Nazz didn't know wouldn't hurt her after all. The five men stepped inside the establishment and their first order of business was to get Kevin a lap dance. Rodriguez motioning to one of the girls with some money between his fingers, as Taylor has Kevin sit in one of the leather chairs, "He's getting married tomorrow," he says to the girl as he motioned toward Kevin.

"Oh, is he," she said taking the money and placing it in the string of her thong. Dwight comes over with a round of shots, tequila, as she straddles Kevin's lap, "Getting that last taste of freedom before you tie the knot?"

Her eyes were looking into Kevin's with smoldering desire filling them, as her black raven hair fell into her face obscuring one of her blue eyes, "Something like that," his flirtatious grin dancing across his face.

"That's one lucky girl," she presses her bare breasts up against his chest as she slides upwards, rubbing her body against his.

"No, I'm the lucky one, Uh.."

"Vixen," she answered the question on the tip of his tongue, her voice filled with seduction. "If that fire ever dies down," and she knew that for some married men it does, or there would be less customers here, "I'll be happy to stoke that flame for you," her hands upon the back of the seat, her breast inches from his face. The boy's tipped her well, keeping her all to themselves for the next forty minutes, each receiving her personal care and devotion in turn for their generosity.

"I'm in love," Dwight cooed when she finally left to take her turn on the stage.

"I wouldn't get your hopes up," Taylor warns, "A girl that fine must already have a boyfriend." The group stayed at the bar for another hour, ogling the girls and being a rowdy bunch, getting asked to leave when Dwight got a little too frisky with one of the girls. As they exited the building the sun was hanging low in the horizon, Taylor was helping an inebriated Dwight to his car when he asks, "What ya going to do now Sarge?"

Kevin was feeling the effects of the numerous shots the boys had bought him, and knew he needed to let them run their course before he drove home, "Probably head home," he lied. He knew that if he went with the guys to the next bar that they would insist that he continue drinking with them, and he would never get home in a decent hour to wake up for tomorrow. "You all should be getting back as well," he said when Dwight took a misstep and nearly fell out of Taylor's grasp.

"Right you are Sarge, I'll make sure this lot get home safe and sound," Taylor shoves Dwight into the car, cursing the boy for being a lightweight. Taylor had only two shots at the beginning of the night and was fine to drive from there, Kevin watched the car drive off toward the base. Looking across the street he sees an adult book store, seems like a good enough place as any to let the alcohol runs its course, no temptation to order another drink in there. And this is where the justifications begin, jogging across the street he enters the building through its only entrance located near the back parking lot that was hidden by a wooden fence. Walking up and down the aisles of the store, he perused their selection of dirty movies and magazines, checking out some of the toys that were upon the shelves. Wondering if this little piece of silicon really did feel like the real thing, deciding there was no way it could feel like a pussy or ass like the advertisements on the boxes stated.

Every so often his attention was brought to a door by the counter as it slammed shut whenever someone would either enter or exit that door. Upon the door was a sign that stated peep show booths, beside the door was a slot to deposit money in that would unlock the door for you. This is where justification number two came into play, he could really use the release right about now, the strippers having given him a serious case of blue balls after all. There couldn't be any harm in busting one out watching a porn, now could there? Stepping over to the door he sees the sign above the money slot that stated, ten-dollar entry fee, no free reentry allowed. Pulling out his wallet he slides a ten-dollar bill into the slot, the machine coming to life as it took his money then the click as the latch to the door was released.

Grabbing the handle he opens the door quickly and steps through, he was now in a well-lit hallway that headed to the right, he lets the door slam shut behind him. There were two bathrooms on the left wall and a case on the right wall that held a display of all the movies that could be viewed in the booths. Everything from straight, bisexual and gay films in many variety of flavors, bondage, to straight boys first time. Stepping a little further down the hall he takes a right into the adjoining dimly lit hallway that had doors going down the right and left walls, and at the end of the hall a door with a sign on it that stated it lead to the theater. Trying the first door he comes to, he jiggles the knob to find that the door was locked, he steps to the next and opens the door.

Entering the small room he locks the door behind him and takes a seat upon the stool and begins to flip through the channels on the small TV screen before him. Finding something he likes he begins to kneaded the semi-hard meat trapped in his pants, bringing the sleeping giant to stand at attention. Slowly he undoes his zipper, pulling his cock out through the hole in his jeans, spitting into the palm of his hand he works the saliva against the head of his prick, relishing the sweet slick sensation. His cock nice and firm now, he lets another glob of spit fall into his hand and begins to slowly stroke down the shaft then back up. He was going to take his time and make this last, enjoying the pleasure he knew he could bring himself, a wicked idea of shooting a healthy load all over the girl's tits on the TV screen entering his mind.

The girl in the video was being tag teamed by two guys, one taking her from behind while she sucked on the other, the idea was strangely a turn on for him, two bros having fun together sharing a girl. They switched positions and laid her on her side, the other guy joining his friend, sliding his cock up inside her, the idea of two cocks rubbing against each other inside of her nearly had Kevin busting a nut. "Pst, hey," Kevin turns his head in the direction he hears the sound and for the first time sees the hole in the wall, instinctually hiding his cock from view. Through the hole he could see a dimly lit figure watching him, his cock twitched under his hand at the idea that someone was enjoying watching him stroke his meat.

Kevin couldn't hear what the person was whispering only catching the last word, cock. Getting off the stool he maneuvers closer to the hole while keeping his cock hidden from view, squatting down he did not look through the hole as he asked, "What?"

A feminine voice replies, "Do you want me to suck your cock?"

Rationalization number three, that though his mind logically knew that it was a guy on the other side of this wall from him, he convinced himself that it was probably a girl because the voice sounded feminine. All he needed to do to confirm this was to turn his eyes and look through the hole, there was enough light for him to clearly see if it was or was not a girl, but he did not turn his eyes. Instead he weighed the pros and cons, he could sit down again and bust his nut using his own hand, staying faithful to Nazz, he was sure to get off quicker with the audience watching him. Or he could stand up and turn his hips, test the water, see if they would be worth the guilt of cheating on Nazz, either way this person was going to get a front row seat to the massive nut that was built up in his balls.

"Fuck it," Kevin breathed out, standing he readjusts his cock so its full length was properly out of his pants through his zipper. Turning his hips he puts the head of his cock through the hole, feeling a pair of lips sucking and kissing upon it, he releases a low moan as he leans his hips forward sliding the rest of his cock through.

The lips remove themselves from his cock and he feels the rough masculine hand stroke his length as the voice on the other side said louder, "God you're a big boy," no denying it now, it was a dude touching him. His inner guilt almost forced him to pull back and run for the hills, until that mouth was once again around his cock, his meat sliding between the squeezing tongue and the roof of his mouth, a soft suction applied. He bobbed up and down his shaft a few times before Kevin felt the stubble of his chin come to rest against his scrotum, _"_ _Did he just take all of me,"_ he thought to himself. A deep husky moan escaping his lips, the head of his cock was being massaged by the man's throat as he swallowed him down. His imagination running wild, he pictured that it was a certain person worshipping his cock on the other side of this wall. When that head began to slide back up he could feel and hear the satisfied moan of the man working his cock. A twist of his head as he slid back down the shaft and a powerful suction drawing him in had Kevin's knees shaking. The tongue squeezing him against the roof of his mouth as he slid back up, alternating between suction and squeeze in quick short strokes, swallowing him whole every so often.

Kevin bucked his hips against the wall in time with the man's strokes, panting with the exertion and pleasure, hearing the clang of his metal belt buckle as it struck the wall. The back of his mind warning him that he was making too much noise, that the people outside that door will know what he was doing in there, the rest of his mind ignoring that part as it enjoyed the skillful blow job. His thrust became erratic as his cock swelled even further, his balls drawing up as they readied to release their seed into the awaiting mouth. Slamming his hips against the wall as his cock twitched, wade after glorious wade of his spunk filled that mouth, he moaned out the name, "D," he only wished that he could grab the back of that guy's head to push him all the way down on it. While the final waves of pleasure rolled over his body he got his wish, the guy on the other side took him all the way down as he swallowed his load making Kevin twitch with pleasure.

Slowly coming off his cock as Kevin slid back through the hole, savoring the final taste of that succulent meat. Kevin awkwardly tucks his still rock-hard cock back into his jeans, zipping up his fly, he caught a simple, "Thanks,' as he exited the room. In quick strides, he made his way toward the exit and out onto the sales floor of the store, painfully aware that his bulge was noticeable against the contrast of his chaps. He had to make himself walk at a normal pace, his guilt for not only cheating on Nazz but sinning again overwhelming him, how could he be this stupid after all that he has done to stay on the righteous path. He was completely sober now as he made his way across the street and toward his bike, mounting his metal steed, he brings the engine roaring into life to speed his way home.

It was dark upon those curvy roads as he drove back screaming his frustration into the pitch-black night, he had thought about him again after so long. It has been a year and a half since he has even dreamt about him. It was the situation, that's it, it had reminded him of his past sins and his subconscious mind grabbed that memory and slapped it into his fantasies. He would make this right, he would never fall into temptation again, he would not be going back to that place ever again by himself.

Arriving home forty minutes later, it was a little before ten when he walked through the door, Nazz was already in bed having to get up early in the morning to get ready for their wedding. Grabbing a quick bite to eat he climbs into the bed and snuggles up against her, she roles into his arms. A quick kiss turns into passion, a flame of desire he hasn't felt for her before was now kindled deep in his groin. Climbing on top of her he takes her in a way he hasn't done before, visions of his fantasy about Edd sucking him off through that hole playing in the back of his mind. Their wedding went off without a hitch the next day, though the fancy chicken was not to his liking.


	7. Always in my Head

Love Looks Not with the Eyes Chapter 7 – Always in my Head

 **A/N- the song is by Coldplay. The term breeder is a derogatory slang word in the gay community used toward heterosexuals back in the day.**

The funny thing about temptation is that we occasionally say that we aren't going to do it again, but somehow find a justification to go through with it anyways. Kevin is no exception, for even though he had sworn before god, family and friends that he would love honor and cherish Nazz until death do they part, he could not get him out of his mind. The fantasy he had about Edd during his gloryhole encounter had stoked the embers of his desire for him. And if he could not be with him physically he could see no harm in thinking about him and using his desire for him to bolster his sexual desire for Nazz. The funny thing about fantasy is that it often becomes not enough, and we vicariously live them out through other people.

When the fantasies about Edd started to have less of the desired affect he was looking for some months later, he began to occasionally make trips back to the bookstore. This began a cycle of guilt and desire, his guilt being spurred on by his perceived sin for desiring male sexual contact and that he was cheating. He did love Nazz after all, his guilt keeping him in check for most of the time, his desire only winning out a few times, in all only a handful of times including the night before his wedding. This experimentation, though wrong because he was lying and cheating on his wife, was one of many steps he would take to accept who he truly was. And to come to terms with the fact that his sexuality hasn't been changed by what the priest put him through and that there was nothing about him that needed to be changed. This of course would take him years to come to terms with, for the damage of mental abuse such as he was put through does not simply go away overnight.

To all those who knew them, and this included Nazz herself, their marriage was happy and normal. The discussion on whether or not to have children right now was had, both of them agreeing that they had time and could wait. Nazz having just started her new carrier could ill afford to take time off to mother a child, and the prospect of having to relocate with a new born or toddler did not appeal to her at the moment. But by February of '98 the decision she had made was starting to look a little less appealing as word reached them that David, Kevin's seventeen year old cousin, had just got his longtime girlfriend pregnant. The child was luckily due in September, giving the two teens enough time to graduate, get married and for David to find a job to start supporting his new family. Kevin's father getting him a job at the candy factory once he graduated, the man is still there to this day.

This turn of events led to a few arguments between them, "If we planned it out right and tried to get pregnant during October and November, I could be giving birth during the summer and wouldn't have to miss any time off work." Nazz had been counting out the months on her hand as they drove back to Peach Creek for the baby shower, their presents of baby clothes and essentials in the trunk. It was a hot July day as they traveled the rural highway, the AC in the car was broken, the muffler needed replacing, the credit card bill was staggering forcing him to cut them up when he saw how much she had been spending. His bike was currently in the shop, leaving him no escape or alone time and on top of their normal bills they had her college loans.

And now she wanted to add on to their mountain of bills by wanting to have a child, he just didn't feel like they were in a financially stable enough place yet to be taking on that responsibility. "Nazz, we're only twenty-three, there's time, I don't know why you're so gung-ho about this all of the sudden."

"Because, I don't what to be forty and childless," she huffed, crossing her arms as she pouted.

"Well I don't think we're financially ready for it," the 80's station they were listening to starts to play The Promise by When in Rome, and Kevin breaths out, "Fuck," as he changed the station.

"I like that song," she whined.

"Well I don't want to fucking hear it," he turned the channel to a heavy metal station and they were playing Nothing Else Matters by Metallica, then to the 70's station and Songbird by Fleetwood Mac was on there. Kevin has had enough of things trying to remind him of Edd for now and turns the radio off.

"What's gotten into you?"

"I'm tired, I'm sweating my fucking balls off and we're going to go see my asshole of a cousin who's going to hold this over my head that he's having a kid before me," his voice was now full of bitterness. "Like that somehow makes him better than me."

"Well, there is one way to fix that," she said trying to get back on the subject.

"Drop it Nazz, we're not having a kid right now," he was almost yelling at her, "And that's the end of the conversation."

She was almost ready to break down in tears, he didn't need to yell at her, but she stiffened her lip and hid her emotions, "Then when? When would it be a good time?"

He took a few deep breaths, knowing he needed to reign in this unreasonable anger, it was only a song, "I don't know, how about we talk about it next year and see where we're at." She turns her head to look away from him and out the window, she was angry and preferred to sit in silence for the remainder of the trip then to talk to him anymore. Why didn't he want to have a kid with her? It wasn't really because of their financial situation, was it? Did he not want to get tied down to her by having a child? Was he going to leave her once he was tired of her? She asked herself these and many more like minded question over the course of their marriage. Each time she asked him if he wanted to have children he would shoot down the idea with one excuse after another, until there was no more excuse to be had and no more time to be gained. But we will get to that part of the story eventually, until then just know he wasn't interested in the idea and these little arguments about finances and family were putting a strain on their young marriage.

Right on schedule the baby was born in mid-September, being named after their grandfather, Kevin Anthony Barr, or little Anthony as the family quickly started calling him. Nazz cooing over the baby pictures the family had sent them to put in their photo album only increased her desire to have a child more, and the wedge between them deeper. This lead to more nights out with the boys, also known as his front to go to the bookstore after they parted ways. This early October visit would be one that would be etched into Kevin's memories for as long as he lived and would ultimately put an end to this guilty pleasure. Stepping through the door to the backroom, he surveyed the few inhabitants that leaned against the walls of the hallway. A few older men in their fifties or sixties standing sentinel next to a gloryhole booth, two men in their thirties and forties who were apparently friends chatting and mocking the older guys secretly, as if they were any better.

At the end of the hall standing by the wheelchair accessible booth was a young man in his late teens or early twenties. He wore a pair of black denim pants with a metal studded leather belt, a black t-shirt with the anarchy symbol covering the front. His hair was blonde, with the sides shaved up into a high and tight, he clutched a cigarette between his lips, taking a deep drag exhaling the smoke through his nose as he leaned his head against the wall. Kevin had learned the routine by now on how to cruise the bookstore, he walks passed the boy looking at him through the corner of his eye catching the half-lidded stare the boy gave him as he took his measure. Leaning against the wall next to a gloryhole booth across from the boy, he crossed his arms and propped his left foot against the wall, continuing to look the boy over. They exchanged glances a few times as though they were coming to some silent agreement that they were acceptably sexually attractive to each other. Satisfied that the boy was interested Kevin kicks off the wall and enters the booth, locking the door behind him and squatting down to the hole to make sure he walked in. He has had the experience a few times where all was going well, he thought the guy was interested, but one of the older guys seemed to somehow get into the booth next to him before the person he desired did.

The door opens and a figure walks into the booth, Kevin could see the metal studded belt and knew it was the guy he desired. The young man walks toward the hole, foregoing the usual surfing through the channels for a video. Kevin stands to undo his pants figuring the guy was getting down on his knees now ready to receive his cock. But a funny thing happened on his way to put his cock through the hole, the dude on the other side had already stuck his through. It was a handsome dick in its semi-hard state, the pubes were nicely trimmed and the foreskin of his uncut cock was already drawing back from the head of his engorging prick. Kevin was a little put off by this, he had only ever sucked one cock in his life, and that is because he was, or I should say still is, madly in love with that person. But to suck off a total stranger was not his thing, sure he didn't care if a stranger swallowed his cock, but he wasn't down for returning the favor.

The cock started to go flaccid again and was retracted through the hole and the guy on the other side squatted down to look through it at him, "Not into sucking cock?" Kevin shakes his head no, "That's cool neither am I, so are you a bottom?" Kevin looks at him in a weird way, he had never heard this term used before in a sexual sense, "Ok I'll translate it into breeder for you then, are you a catcher?"

Ah now he understood, "No."

"Well sorry dude, but it looks like we don't mix. Two tops don't make a bottom and my dick aint going to suck itself." He gets up and walks out of the door without looking back, the door slamming shut behind him. A few moments later he hears the familiar creak of the hinges opening on the other side and Kevin makes due with the substitute, he was just going to use them to fantasies about Edd, so what did it matter whose mouth was on his cock anyways.

The following day was business as usual, getting up early, he got dressed and showered to make it into work on time. Waking Nazz before he left with a gentle kiss to the cheek and a promise that he would see her tonight when he got home. Walking into the companies barracks he was greeted by the First Sargent, "Good Morning Sgt. Barr."

"Good morning First Sgt. Hernandez."

"Your new recruit is here," the 1SG pointed down the hall to the room on the left, "He is stowing his gear now."

"Thank you, First Sargent, I'll be sure to greet him," that's right, he had forgotten that the new member of his squad was due to arrive today. Dwight had been transferred out two days ago and his replacement was going to be a man right out of basic training. It was a good opportunity for him, for it would show them that he had the skills to help mold a fresh soldier into the man the army needed in its ranks.

"Alright, but make it quick, formations in twenty, I'll see you there Sgt.," he walks off towards his office, leaving Kevin to take care of business. Readjusting the strap of his rucksack on his shoulder he walks down the hall toward the dorm room of his new squad member.

Finding the door slightly ajar he knocks and pushes it open, "Good morning Pvt., are you finding everything alright?"

The young man turns quickly going to at ease and in a loud voice replies, "Good morning Sgt., Pvt. Carpenter reporting for duty and I am finding everything I need, thank you Sgt."

Kevin's jaw hit the floor as he was now face to face with the guy he had cruised at the bookstore last night. Quickly composing himself and shaking off the shock, he clears his throat and continues, "You can relax Pvt., I am Sgt. Barr and I will be your squad leader from here on." Was that look in his eyes recognition? Was he going to say something to the rest of the platoon? Is he looking in the eyes of the person who would end his career and his marriage? "If you need any help adjusting to things here or have any questions or concerns, my door is always open."

"Thank you Sgt., I will use all the tools available to me," his voice was still very serious and kind of loud, "I won't let you down Sgt."

"I'm sure you won't Pvt. Carpenter," was the guy nervous around him, was that why he refused to relax? Looking at his watch he adds, "You have fifteen minutes until formation, but I would go ahead and head that way, you can finish stowing your gear after."

"Yes Sgt., right away Sgt." he continued to stand there in his ridged parade rest.

"Dismissed," Kevin stated and Pvt. Carpenter walked from the room with a purpose, "And Pvt.," the Pvt. pauses, "You can take it down a notch, I'm not going to make you do pushups for talking to me casually."

"Yes Sgt.," and he continues to head to the parade field. Kevin stows his own personal effects and makes it to the parade field with time to spare, the business of the day going by as normal. The entire platoon going out of their way to make the new soldier, who preferred the nickname Plank, feel welcome and at home. Over the course of the next week Kevin's nerves were on high alert about having cruised his subordinate, but he was slowly beginning to realize that the boy wasn't going to tell anyone about their encounter. At the end of the week he was stopped by Plank as he was leaving to go home for the night, "Sarge, can I talk to you?"

The idea made Kevin feel nervous, what could he possibly want to talk about? "Sure Pvt., what's on your mind?"

Plank looks around and sees people leaving to go home for the day as well as those coming in for night time duties, "Can we speak somewhere a little more private?" He nods and leads Plank away from the parking lot, to the grassy lawn just outside the black topped surface. This gave them distance from everyone changing shifts, but stayed in the open so no complaints of inappropriate conduct could be made against him. "So, I know this guy who went to this place," he mockingly whispers the next part, "Where gay sex happens." He smiles to try and show he was joking, but Kevin's nerves did a spin, "But while he was there he ran into somebody, who he found out the next day was his subordinate, and now he is all freaking out about it." He drops the charade and speaks plainly, "I mean what are you thinking? Do you really believe that I'm going to tell anyone about it, you know it puts me at risk too. So, I want to ask you to please stop worrying about it, I swear I'm not going to tell a living soul. I just really want us to have a good working relationship, get along and hopefully become friends someday."

Though he was still leery about the situation his nerves were eased just a little that the boy had been so frank with him. "Thank you Plank, for showing discretion on this subject. I'm going to put my trust in you, so consider the matter dropped on my end."

"Thank you Sgt., I mean when I saw you the next day I almost totally flipped the fuck out, I was like oh fuck no I so totally didn't try to feed my cock to my Sgt." Kevin nervously laughs at the statement, he was taken aback by how comfortable the man was in his own skin and so at ease with who he was.

"It's alright, we were both in the wrong that night."

"Nothing wrong with being who we are Sarge," Plank says seriously, "It's not like we knew each other then, so let's just consider it an oops."

"Agreed," Kevin chuckles, "oops," then looks at his watch, "I really should get going, the wife's waiting on me."

"Yeah, it's cool, sorry for keeping you so long, I've got to go meet up with some friends tonight anyways," Kevin smiles and waves goodbye and Plank calls out as he begins to walk away, "I'll see you tomorrow Sarge." Kevin realized that he must be a local boy then if he already has friends in town, or were they just acquaintances he met somewhere?

Over the course of the next few months their relationship became closer as Plank was in Kevin's squad. Their training regiment consisted of better familiarizing him with the weapon system mounted on the top of the Humvee, then acquiring his military driver's license. Plank was to discover that the hardest part of driving for the military was the use of the night vision goggles, as they gave you no depth perception. The vehicle you were following might look a car length away from you, but in reality, you're almost kissing its bumper. But he managed to not get in an accident and grew accustomed to using the headgear during their drills.

During this time Plank told Kevin more about himself, he discovered that they shared the same hometown and even went to the same school. He also explained that the friends he was meeting with were his high school friends, some he was reconnecting with after years of separation, others had always been there. They were a family, bound together through trial and tribulation, and even though they might not see each other for years in one case, they would always have a place in each other's hearts. These brought back memories of lost friends for Kevin, and the hope that one day they could maybe reunite and say their peace, getting it all out in the open and become whole again.

December, however, brought news that put a damper upon that hope. His cousin Tina, ever the purveyor of the goings on in the family or the people they knew in Peach Creek, let it slip that Edd had gotten married a few weeks ago. To his high school sweet heart, no less, and that word had it that he had a child on the way, due to be born in March, a boy if she had heard correctly, and since Nat was the one who had told her, she had.

This news had turned Kevin's mood foul for the next few weeks, he tried his best to contain it, but it showed through. The rational part of his mind was telling him that it was alright, throwing in some of that trained bull shit that it was the correct path for him to take. His emotional side however was raging against it, telling him that he was so stupid for letting him go, cursing the day he ended it between them. He was supposed to be the one kissing him, he was supposed to be the one loving him, all those plans they had made together now would never have a chance, for he was happy now. Reminding himself that Edd should be happy, he deserved to be happy, and he was the one who had ruined all they had planned with his selfishness.

Needing an escape from his thoughts, he didn't hesitate to accept Plank's offer to go downtown and met these friends of his he has been raving about for months. He followed him down to the commercial district of the city, where the streets were lined with tall skyscrapers and impressive midsized buildings, all towering above him, blocking the dusk sky. Reaching the fringes of this part of town the buildings began receding from their dizzying heights, back into some semblance of normality. Parking his bike close to where Plank had parked his car, he follows him toward a row of buildings hoping that when he came back out later he would still find his bike where he had parked it.

He didn't care right now that the building they were approaching had rainbow flags hanging from it every ten feet. Or that a neon pink light that ran the length of the building along the top of the wall, or that you could hear the thump of the dance music through the walls some thirty feet away. Or that he felt like a juicy piece of prime cut meat set on display in front of a hungry pack of wolves. Stepping through the front doors of The Dock Kevin sponsors him past the ID check, Plank taking care of the cover charge for both of them. Rushing past the dance floor Plank led them straight to the bar his friends had told him to meet them in. Group hugs and warm greetings were had all around, Kevin being introduced to the two friends that were sitting at the table, shaking both their hands before they sit again.

The one boy, Rave he believed his name was, leans over and whispers something into Plank's ear. Kevin isn't normally insecure or the snooping type, but he was out of his element and before he could stop himself asks, "What did he say."

Plank smirks and repeats it for all to hear, "Rave here was just telling me that he thought you were cute."

This started the teasing back and forth between the two as Alice leans over and whispers, "Rave was probably just agreeing with Plank. He had told us that he met a kindred spirit in the army, that he was handsome but was married, so we were to keep our hands to ourselves."

Kevin's lips show his trade mark flirtatious grin as he looked at the beautiful lady next to him, "And do you agree with him."

"Mr. Barr, my mother taught me better then to go around flirting with married men," her smile was warm and her eyes flirting with him, "Regardless of how attractive they are."

"Ah, so you do think I'm cute," Kevin's knee brushed up against hers under the table.

"Why Mr. Barr, the impropriety of it all," she replies teasingly, moving her leg away from his, "What will the neighbors think."

"They'll think you had a damn good time," it was her blue eyes and black hair, along with the gap in her front teeth that had reminded him so much of someone else that it had his head spinning. Kevin really had no intention of sleeping with her, this was Plank's friend, and he would be respectful of her, he just enjoyed watching her reactions. And the night he met Plank had taught him that he needed to give up his cheating ways or he could run the risk of losing everything, Nazz included.

Plank leans over and says with a chuckle, "You want to be careful of this one, she has a trick or two up her sleeve."

She tosses her waded up napkin at Plank, "You're an asshole."

"What," he laughed, "I'm just saying your feisty." The four of them chatted while they watched a drag show, everyone was very interested in getting to know Kevin a little better. The alcohol loosening his lips just a little, but not to the point that he would tell them about Edd. He was just honest about things that were already known, like when it was revealed that Plank had told them how they had met, he didn't deny it, but told them it was a case of curiosity.

"Just wanted to see if it was true," they all cocked a brow at him, "Whether men give better head."

"And once you discovered it was, you just kept cuming back for more," Plank teased.

"You know what they say about experimentation, you can't base your conclusion on the first result," he laughed, he was really at ease with these people, he didn't feel like he had to hide himself or his past sins when he was around them. If he wanted to look at someone he was free to do so and not feel like he was going to be judged for it. After the first show was complete they moved out into the dance floor area to join the crowd and dance the night away to the latest and greatest hits, like a remix of Madonna's Ray of Light. A few classics were thrown in the mix like Le Bouche's Be My Lover or Annie Lennox's dance mix of No More "I Love Yous".

Alice and Kevin left Plank and Rave on the floor some time later to go get some refreshments from the bar and take a seat at a table close to where their friends were dancing. Kevin has noticed all through the night how Plank would tease or look after Rave and he had to ask, "Plank likes him, doesn't he?"

"Like would be putting it mildly," she replied.

"Oh, so are they dating?" If that was the case then Plank had also been cheating that night, but then why did he tell them how they met?

"No they're not dating," she saw the confused look in his eyes then elaborated, "It's complicated to say the least. Plank loves Rave and Rave loves Plank, but because of a misunderstanding several years ago they have never been able to broach the subject."

"It's still kind of confusing," he scrunches up his nose, "They love each other and are comfortable with who they are, so why can't they be together?"

"Because love isn't that simple Mr. Barr," she looks at her friends with a sad look, "Plank gives off the airs of being a player, but he really isn't, it's just his way of being confident in himself. Rave is guarded with his heart and doesn't want to be hurt and thus keeps Plank at arm's length, and acts oblivious to Plank's feelings. Each thinking friendship is enough for them, not wanting to risk the what ifs, and ruin what they have with each other." They both see Plank lean in and kiss Rave and Rave return the loving affection, a warm smile on each of their faces as they broke the kiss.

Kevin's heart went out to the pair whose misunderstanding of each other left them both with unrequited love, "So why haven't you tried to help them come together?"

She lets out a heavy breath, "Because sometimes friendship filled with love and understanding is enough for some people, why mess with it if it works for them. And who am I to tell them that there is only one way to express their love for each other?" She felt a little guilt about their situation, blaming herself for it, the situation that happened to her a few years ago had interrupted their chance with each other as they had concentrated on her needs instead of their own. By the time the bar had closed that evening Kevin was plastered and unable to drive home, leaving the three of them to help him to Plank's car to drive him over to Alice's to stay the night. Rave and Plank crashing there as well, helping to lay Kevin down on the sofa, the red head was mumbling to himself in his half sleep, begging Edd to forgive him for what he had done and that he still loved him.

 **A/N- Plank, Alice, Rave and Kevin's friendship will be elaborated further in Down the Rabbit Hole. This story is just a summary of Kevin's experiences after all, and it would take too much time to go in depth.**


	8. How to Disappear Completely

Love Looks Not with the Eyes Chapter 8 – How to Disappear Completely

 **A/N- The song is by Radiohead.**

Kevin woke up the next day hung over and feeling like shit, glad today was a pass day to recover from this mess. Quickly he called Nazz and let her know that he had gone a little overboard last night and was alright, that he would be on his way home shortly. She didn't sound too thrilled with this, and told him they would need to have a talk once he got home. They did and it was something Kevin did not wish to ever go through again, he watched his drinking from that day forward to avoid her wrath. But he wasn't going to let her stop him from going out with friends to let off some steam, as he didn't stop her from hanging out with her friends. All relationships are built on respect and trust, it was just a matter of respecting her wishes about the drinking and show her that he could be trusted to make the right choice. But none the less they landed in marriage counseling to try and fix their trust issues and Nazz's view that he didn't respect her.

Over the course of the following years Kevin became rather close to Plank and his friends, making it a regular thing for them to get together on Saturday nights and go to the bar together and spend the night dancing. He met a few more of their friends during this time, when they came home from college on summer break. One of these friends was clearly someone Alice had a romantic interest in sometime in their past. But because of circumstances that Kevin wasn't going to ask about, a wedge had been driven between them destroying their romantic relationship and they were now just starting to patch things up in their friendship.

For the group of friend's the times were good, they were peaceful, these days seemed like they would never end and they liked it like that. But that is when it happened, the unthinkable, that would spell the end of these carefree days of their youth and force them all head first into adulthood. It was a mild September day like in other, Kevin was in his twenty-sixth year of life, Plank had just turned twenty-one a few short months earlier. This Tuesday started just like any other, PT at 0530 in the morning, followed by a quick shower before starting their duties for the day. It was shortly after nine in the morning that everyone on base started following the news and the horrific events that followed. Reports of a plane crashing into the World Trade Center in New York City were on every station, speculation on what was happening was flying all around in those first moments of the tragedy. Kevin and Plank watched in horror as a second plan struck the other tower on live TV, making it perfectly clear that this was no accident. Reports of a third plane hitting the Pentagon and a forth crash landing were also circulating through the news.

Before those towers fell all military bases were put on high alert and at readiness status for what was surely to come. The orders came down quickly, the battalion that Kevin's company belonged to was moved to Germany, the first stage of their deployment into hostile territory. Tearful farewells were exchanged as the soldiers said their goodbyes to their loved ones, Plank wanted to profess his love to Rave before he left, but knew his friend would be worrying about him enough and could do it when he got back. Landing in Germany they spent the following weeks making sure all their gear and equipment were in top condition, knowing it was only a matter of time before they were sent out on the battle field. Down time was sparse, barely enough to get a decent night's sleep in most cases, Plank using what time he did have to himself to write letters home, knowing this would probably be his last chance for a while.

One letter he wrote never saw a mailbox, as he destroyed it over and over again, never believing he had found the right words to express himself. It was something he wanted to show perfectly how he felt and all that he loved about Rave, he wanted it to be the exposure of his very soul to his longtime friend. But the words never seemed to fall upon the paper the way he wanted them to, and thus he would try again until he felt it was right. But time and patience would lead him there, he just knew it.

October sixth 2001 and the troops were put on the ready for deployment once again, on October seventh they were sent out to Afghanistan to wage a blood battle against those who had attacked us. Air strikes littered the land as they paved the way for the army to advance, victories were had but short lived as the enemy would counter attack sending fellow soldiers home and to their final resting place.

One of the duties for Kevin's platoon was to escorting convoy's, being a 11H or heavy anti-armor weapons infantry unit made them ideal for protection against any heavily armored vehicle that might attack the convoy in transit. This meant nights out under the stars when they reached their destination, resupplying a brigade stationed in a remote part of the country. The night sky away from the lights of the cities is a beautiful sight, but looking at it with the enhancement of the night vision goggles revealed stars that were not able to be seen by the naked eye.

"Hey," Kevin greeted Plank who was standing by the Humvee, he had just rotated the night vision equipment up to rest on his helmet.

"Hey," he responded taking the MRE offered to him.

"Beautiful, isn't it?"

"Yean," he whispered as he poured water into the chemical heating bag of the MRE, "Rave liked looking at the stars out at the creek." Looking at the food pouch, yum goulash, then drops it in the heating pouch.

Kevin finished chewing his food and asked, "Alice and Rave told me about some of the parties there, I can't believe people still go up there."

"Well yeah," Plank Laughed, "Where else are you going to go in that town?"

"I don't know, you could go bowling." He replied and Plank scoffed, "So, when we get back are you going to tell them how you feel?"

"Yeah," he looked up at the stars again, "I think I might."

Kevin knew that Plank wasn't the most eloquent of speakers so he had to tease him just a little, "So you're just going to walk up to them like some high schooler and be all, I like you will you go out with me," he chuckled at the end.

"No, I've got a plan," he playfully smacks Kevin on the arm, then pulls his food out of the heater and opens the package. "I'm writing a letter that will tell them exactly how I feel."

Kevin hummed his approval, nodding his head as he finished chewing his food, "Smart, no chance to stumble over your words for the important stuff, then it's out there and you can talk."

"How about you? Are you going to find your lost love of yours when we get back?"

Kevin sloshed the water in his canteen around, wishing he had something a little stronger in there, "Maybe." But he knew that he wasn't happy in his marriage anymore, and that Nazz wasn't either, the counselling hadn't done anything for them, his first step when he gets home is to ask for a divorce. Then maybe he could reach out to Edd and ask to be forgiven, it didn't matter to him if anything came from this apology, he just needed to tell him he was sorry.

"I think you should," Plank insisted, giving his friend a warm smile.

Over the course of the next year their platoon saw a few engagements as they assisted in taking control of Kabul, along with a few fire fights as they escorted convoys. A few casualties were had as Taylor was shot in the arm and Rodriguez lost a leg from the shrapnel of a grenade.

It was a late November day in the war-torn country when their orders were given to them early in the morning, another convoy mission to resupply the troops down range. Kevin's squad took point leading the convoy to their destination, followed by the Lt. then the first duce and a half, two more squads behind that one then the next duce pulling a water trailer then the Staff Sgt. and the last squad behind him. On these long trips the only thing you have to do is look at your surroundings for possible threats and to talk to one another. Your vehicle making enough noise already that there is no way your sneaking past anyone, you just can't let the conversation distract you from your duty.

"What's the first thing you're going to eat when you get back?" Plank asked from the driver's seat.

"A big juicy hamburger," Kevin replied from shotgun.

"My wife's taco," Taylor added from the gunnery hatch.

"Man, we don't need to know what's in your spank bank," Kevin laughed as he teased the man.

"What, I like her taco's," he clarified. Gunfire rang out from their left, the driver side window shatters and Plank is hit, two in the chest, the Humvee comes to a stop, curving the left side of the road as Plank slumped over. Taylor swivels the weapon in the direction of the incoming fire and lets the 60cal do its work. Kevin undoes his waist belt and quickly undoes Plank's, opening his door he climbs out keeping low, dragging the boy out of the vehicle and to better cover. Plank lets out a cry at the pain of being moved, good he was still alive Kevin thought to himself, "Medic, I need a medic," he calls down the line. Kevin sees the medic jump down from the duce as he leaned Plank against the vehicle, "Put pressure here." He puts Planks hand against the wound with a bit of cloth, then turns to return fire, aiming his weapon over the hood of the Humvee. He wasn't trained in combat lifesaving, and only knew basic first aid, the medic would be the only one that could help Plank now, the only thing he could do was keep the enemy from overrunning their position.

Plank's breathing was shallow and quick as he reached into the pouch on the leg of his pants, his voice week as he said, "Sarge." Kevin did not hear him over the sound of the gunfire, he freed a wrinkled envelop from the pouch, "Sarge," the medic was being pinned down behind the duce as the enemy continued to fire upon them. "KEVIN," Plank yelled with the last bit of his strength, Kevin turns when he heard his name called to see his friend clutching the piece of paper in his hands, the white of the envelop splotched with the red of his blood.

"You're going to be alright buddy," he lets loose a few rounds, "Just hang in there." He sees the medic firing away trying to find an opening to move toward them, "Medic," the man looks at him, "Get your fucking ass over here."

"Kevin," a quick gasp for air, "I need you," another gasp, "To take this,' two quick gasps, "To him." His lungs were fighting to bring in oxygen now as one of them was close to collapse as it was filling with blood.

"Don't do this Plank, you're going to make it."

"Kevin, please," a painful gasp for air, "Promise me," he reaches out to hand him the letter, his other hand holding pressure to the wound dropping into his lap, blood pouring out.

Kevin drops down, taking the hand that the letter was in, "No Plank, you're going to get through this and do it yourself." He grabs the cloth with his free hand and applies pressure to the wound again, there was so much blood, too much has already been lost.

"It's alr," quick gasps for air, "Alright, sh-shit happens, it's not, it's not your fault." Plank grows weak quickly, "It's not, your, fault," his breathing stops and his eyes go empty as his head slumps to his chest, his hand falling from Kevin's landing upon the ground.

"NOOO," he screamed picking up his weapon again, "You mother fuckers," it was a strange feeling to watch yourself die, Plank thought to himself as he stood a few paces away watching the scene unfold as Kevin grieved. Witnessing him collapse to the ground as he got shot by an enemy soldier who had gotten line of sight of him from his hiding place, Taylor spun the weapon in that direction, mowing that person down.

"I'm sorry Kevin," he comes over and kneels beside him, seeing the three wounds on his body, one in his leg, his hip and his stomach, "You don't get to join me today." He didn't know how he knew that, but he was certain what he had said was true, "Love yourself,' the medic was finally able to get over to where they were, he checked Plank's pulse and declared him dead, he then begins to try and stop Kevin's bleeding, "And accept the love you are given."

Two names enter his thoughts along with his mother, blinking his eyes, he was no longer in Afghanistan but in his mother's trailer, she had fallen asleep reading the letter that he had sent a week ago. All he wanted when he had joined the army was to go to college, get a good job, buy them a nice house and get her out of this trailer. He leans down and kisses her cheek saying his farewells before moving on to his friend's apartment. Walking through the bedroom door he finds Alice asleep in her bed, leaning down he kisses her on the cheek. His eyes long blurry with tears, he whispers in a shaky voice, "I'm sorry big sis, I couldn't keep that promise I made to you. But please watch over him for me," she whispers his name in her sleep and he almost lost it, "I'll always be thinking about you too."

Going into the next room, he could barely stand saying his farewells to the person he has loved for so long, but he was getting the feeling that his time here was coming to an end. "Rave, I love you so much, I'm sorry that I wasn't brave enough to do all the things that I should have, I hope you can forgive me. I want you to find happiness and someone who will cherish you as much as I have." He calms himself and climbs into the bed next to him, mad as all hell that he couldn't feel him as he wraps his arms around him, "I should have told you a long time ago how I felt, please, please forgive me for that, and please don't blame yourself." He spent the remainder of the time he was granted to say his goodbyes holding him, watching him sleep, whispering his love to the man in his arms, saying his final farewell as he was taken into gods arms. Rave woke up the next day with Plank's scent surrounding him, his heart grieving that he was not here beside him, he was looking forward to the day that he would return home.

Kevin woke up in the field hospital the next day after they had stabilized him, he would be shipped back to Germany to undergo more surgery to repair his fractured hip bone. There he would rest and recover as they decide his future in the army, if he had one. While he lay in that hospital bed healing form his surgery, family and friends gathered halfway around the world from where he was, to mourn the passing of their loved one. Plank was buried in the Summerville National cemetery with honors, he was posthumously awarded the purple heart.

A rifle party of seven fire the three-volley salute as two soldiers stand at either end of the flag draped casket. All soldiers and veterans who attended the funeral slowly raise their hands up to salute as the volley of riffle fire ended and the bugle began to play the mournful melody of taps. Once the melody was completed they dropped their salute slowly and the two standing at the casket begin to fold the flag, bringing it to Plank's mother, stars facing upward. "On behalf of the President of the United States, the United States Army and a grateful nation, please accept this flag as a symbol of our appreciation for your loved one's honorable and faithful service." She takes the flag, but it did little to abate her sorrow, for what mother should have to bury her twenty-two-year-old son. That flag and medal sit framed on a shelf in her home to this day along with a picture of her son in his dress uniform.

 **A/N- I'm sorry, but we've all known someone was dying that Alice knew. And even though I've known it was coming since before the chapter the grave was mentioned in Loves Fool, it still made me cry. At the end of this chapter Kevin Anthony Barr has just turned 4 and Edd Jr. is now 3 about to turn 4 in a few months, Edd Sr. and Leslie are also divorced.**


	9. If I Get High

Love Looks Not with the Eyes Chapter 9 – If I Get High

 **A/N- The song is by Nothing But Thieves. Warning: Drug use, as if you didn't figure that out by the title lol.**

During his recovery in Germany Kevin started to show signs of depression, and shell shock for even though Plank had told him with his dying breath that it wasn't his fault, he couldn't help but feel responsible. He was his superior, and couldn't help but feel that he was supposed to keep him safe and bring him home, and though it was an ambush and he didn't pull the trigger that killed him, he still felt responsible. There was probably more he could have done to save his life, more than just a fucking piece of cloth pressed against that wound to stop the bleeding. He was a piece of shit, he let his friend's life slip through his fingers, and all he could do was sit there and watch helplessly like a child. The army gave him grief counselling to help ease the burden of his guilt over the loss, but talking about it wasn't helping him and he began to shut down. He spent his time in that hospital bed transcribing the letter that Plank had given him onto clean paper.

The army decided to give him a medical discharge, with only six months left until his reup date, and the fact that he would be going through rehabilitation for most of that time, that it was best to just go ahead and discharge him since he wasn't going to reenlist anyways. Being discharged honorably gave him all the privileges of veteran status, and that all his medical care would be handled through the VA hospital in Summerville.

The call home to tell Nazz the situation was bitter, "Hello," she answered a crying baby in the background close to the phone.

"Hey, is little Anthony visiting?" He knew that it wasn't his cousin, he was what, 4 now, and this child sounded like an infant.

"No," she let out a frustrated breath, "We need to talk."

The floor had just fallen out from under him, he knew what was going on before she said the words, "Okay," was all he could get out.

"I want a divorce," Sure, he wanted a divorce as well, but his emotional state right now was not ready for it, "I've been seeing someone, and we're happy."

"So, you're leaving me?" a small part of him was relieved, but the thoughts his depression were producing was causing his feelings that he was a failure to be magnified.

"I've already left," her tone was flat, there was no signs of sadness in it, either she was hiding it well or she has already moved on. "You'll be getting the papers soon, I just wanted to tell you first."

"Alright, I'll sign them as soon as I get them," he didn't have the strength or will to do much else, it was what he wanted after all.

"Don't worry, I'm not going to ask you for anything, just the divorce."

"Alright, I wish you the best then," he hangs up the phone and lays down to rest. When he got home and signed his discharge papers he entered their home to find it empty. All her things were gone, nothing of his was touched, as though she wanted nothing to remember him by. Was their marriage really that bad?

A week after arriving back in the states, he had finished moving out of his home on the base and had settled in a small apartment in the historic district of the city known as Old Summerville. Swallowing his fear's that weekend, he made a trip to give his condolences and to beg them for forgiveness, knocking on the door of their shared apartment. He stood there leaning on his crutches, waiting for the door to open, Rave opening the door. His face twisting into rage at the sight of him, but he held his tongue and didn't say anything hurtful or mean to him, he just turns around and walks away calling out, "Alice, you've got company."

She comes to the door a few moments later, peering around it to see who it could be, she gives him a sad smile as she steps out and closes the door behind her. Kevin clears his throat trying to dislodge and swallow the lump that had formed there, "How are you doing?"

She turns her head to the side and looks down at the floor as she rubbed her right arm with her left hand, "I'm doing better, thanks. How have you been?"

Kevin couldn't hold back the flood of emotions that was threatening to drown him, it was pretty obvious that Rave blamed him for Plank's death, now it appeared that she could barely stand to look at him. "I'm sorry," he sobbed out his voice breaking, he squeezes his eyes shut trying to keep the tears from falling, his head bowed to the floor "I couldn't keep him safe."

Her gentle arms wrap around him, pulling him in as she comforted him, "It's alright, it wasn't your fault, I'm sure you did everything you could."

He drops his crutches and wraps his arms around her, she supported his weight as he sobbed, "I couldn't do anything, he just slipped away and I couldn't do anything to stop it."

"It's alright," she could feel his pain, her own eyes beginning to fill with tears.

"I was so helpless."

"You did all you could," her voice was starting to break now.

They stayed like that for a few minutes as he composed himself again, releasing his hold upon her he supports his weight against the wall with one hand as he leans down to pick up a crutch, she retrieves the other one for him. "I'm sorry," he sniffles, "I shouldn't have come."

"No, I'm glad you came," she reassured him.

He pulls an envelope out of his back pocket and hands it to her, "Can you give that to Rave," she looks at it curiously. "Plank told me to give it to him," he turns to leave.

She stops him by placing a hand on his arm, "Kevin, you're welcome to come by anytime."

"I don't think Rave wants me here," his eyes were sad as he said those words.

"He's just trying to find someone to blame, just give him time," she was filled with worry on how Rave was taking this, "Deep down he knows it wasn't your fault."

"Alright, I'll be sure to stop by sometime," right now he wasn't sure if he could keep that promise either, he didn't want to be the thing that reminded them of why their friend was no long here. He also didn't know if he could take seeing the hurt in their eyes because of that reminder.

The following week his home town of Peach Creek honored him as a returning war hero with a small ceremony and dinner in his honor. Several generations of war vets including his grandfather were present, each of them talking to him, sharing old war stories and remembering long dead friends. Is this what Plank has become? A story that he would tell the next generation as they are honored for their deeds protecting this country. He was so much more than that, he was a happy, vibrant young man who had his whole life ahead of him, with plans to make a better life for himself then the one he grew up in. Now he was just a memory in everyone's minds, a tale to be told when he was feeling nostalgic. No fuck that, that isn't going to be his future, and Plank's story would not be shared with people who didn't know him or love him, it was to special for that.

Kevin's drinking also took a turn for the worst, as he didn't feel comfortable yet to go around Alice or Rave and all his army buddies were still deployed, he had no one to talk about this other than his shrink. His family being useless in the matters of a man showing his emotions, he was supposed to stow that shit and be a man. His grandfather being the only one who understood what he was going through, but the man had little advice on how to deal with the pain. So, the bottle became his new best friend, that he would pour all his pent up emotional instabilities into, to hide the pain and try and stop the memory replaying itself over in his mind.

At first it was mildly under control, he would get off work at the factory, hit up the bar, drink himself into a stupor and pass out in a dreamless sleep to wake up the next morning and do it all over again. Slowly however he couldn't get is day started without a nip of that old Dutch courage, spiking his thermos of coffee, drinking it on the way to and during work. This in turn lost him his job at the factory, and the next one and the next as well leaving his employment opportunities grim for the moment. Because of this chronic unemployability his counsellor suggested getting put on the VA pension until such time as they could work out the root of his issues and get him back into society. This would at least ensure that he had a roof over his head and not wind up on the street homeless like so many forgotten souls who have faithfully served their country.

This excess of downtime only increased his time at the bar, and his escape from reality. He also started going to the American Legion to drink. Feeling comfort in being around other veterans who would understand what he was going through, and give him a little more due curtesy and leeway in his drinking. Making sure he got home safe and sound, calling him a cab on particularly rough nights. But like any predator, wherever the injured come to heal the wolves will come to prey on their perceived weakness. That is where Kevin met him, Michael, a shorter man to Kevin's towering height but built, he could take care of his own when needed. Black hair still done up in the high and tight military style with deep brown eyes and light skin with a few scars on his face, making him handsomely rugged.

He was a sympathetic ear for Kevin to drunkenly talk to, pouring out his regrets on how he couldn't save his friend when he needed to. Michael told him of his experiences during wartime and the loses he suffered, giving them a shared bond over tragedy. They met up a few times at the Legion a few nights that first week, reminiscing and talking, getting to know one another. By Friday Michael made a suggestion, "Hey, why don't we ditch this place and head over to my place, I got something that will help ya forget."

Kevin agreed easily, he figured there would be a free bottle of Jack and a place to crash, it could be fun. But with his whiskey dick he didn't see much more coming out of it if Michael decided to invite some girls or guys to join them. Jumping into Michaels truck they made the short trip from the bar down to Old Summerville, Kevin made note when they parked in front of his building that Michael only lived a few blocks from him. Climbing the stairs of the older building to the second floor he opens the door to his apartment, "Make yourself at home, mi casa es su casa." He pulls off his jacket and hangs it up on the rack in front of the door then motions for Kevin to head into the living room to the right while he headed to the left toward his bedroom.

Kevin turns on the light in the living room and sits on the couch awaiting his hosts return, the man enters the room a few moments later and places a candle on the coffee table dropping a spoon beside it. "Man we're going to fly tonight," Kevin looks up but Michael was already heading to the door on the opposite side of the room, hearing the faucet turn on he assumed it was the kitchen. He walks back in the room and Kevin sees him holding the following items, a plastic cup, a rubber tourniquet tube, and two white packages with black letters on it and a cotton ball.

Dropping the items on the table Kevin could see that the white packages contained syringes in them and his anxiety about needles kicks in, "What are those for?"

Michael digs into his pocket and pulls out a little plastic baggie that contained a white powder in it, "They're for this," he flicks the bag with his middle finger a few times.

"I don't know, I don't do needles," he was clearly feeling his anxiety now.

"Don't like shots?" Kevin shakes his head no, "Don't be a pussy, this shit is going to help you forget."

Shit if it did what he claimed it would then, "Fuck it," Kevin rolls up his sleeve. His already inebriated mind not thinking about all the consequences that could come from this.

"Alright," Michael opens the baggie and drops a little bit of the drug into the spoon, "I knew I liked you the moment I saw you Barr." Opening one of the packages he dips the needle into the cup and draws out some water. Pouring it over the powder, letting it soak up the drug, lighting the candle he hovers the spoon over the flame swishing the contents lightly to mix it together. The liquid started turning a dark brown under the heat, he removes the spoon before the liquid started to boil and sets it on the table. Ripping a little bit off the cotton he puts it over the liquid, placing the tip of the needle in drawing up the drug.

Setting the needle aside, he wraps the tourniquet around Kevin's arm, the man started pumping his fist to bring up his vein. As Michael picked up the needle he started reciting Pink Floyd, "Okay," he taps out the air, "Just a little pin prick," he inserts the needle, "There'll be no more, AHHHHHH," and pushes in the plunger. Removing the needle and the strap Kevin was hit by the effects of the drug instantly as a wave of pleasure surged through his body and an intense warm feeling enveloped him. Michael began prepping his own dose, "Though you may feel a little sick."

The overwhelming pleasure of the drug only lasted for a few minutes then Kevin began to feel drowsy, nodding in and out of consciousness. Seeing a night filled sky, he was standing twenty feet away from the Humvee that Plank was leaning against looking up at the sky with his night vision goggles. Kevin didn't remember much about the reality of that night, only that he had fun and that Michael had kept his promise that the pain would go away. For a time, it did, he did remember bits and pieces of the dream though, he had a nice conversation with Plank, but he couldn't remember what it was about. He put it aside as it must have been the same conversation they had talked about that night, just a memory replying itself without the guilt.

He went about his daily routine as always, he would visit Michael to get is fix every now and then at a steep price. Though he was being stubborn about going over and seeing them, Alice was being just a stubborn and forced herself into his life. She called in a favor and got his address through Tina, she in turn having to get it from his parents since she now lived in New York. She would come over to make sure he had groceries, help clean up the pigsty of an apartment and take him to his doctor's appointments since most of the time he was "drunk". She would kindly advise him that this amount of drinking wasn't healthy, but never scold him about it, getting a spare key from him so she could check up on him with more ease. She did note however that there was a lack of beer cans and whiskey bottles in his apartment, she assured herself that he must be getting rid of them to lesson her nagging. He was waiting for the day that she would give up on him and never show up again, to his surprise that didn't happen.

A year after Plank's death, Kevin's grandfather passed away, Alice and Kev were kind enough to drive him down for the service. The family in mourning put themselves at a distance to the pair of strangers they knew nothing about. Little Anthony staring up at the tall woman with wide eyes hiding behind his father's leg, the man protecting his child from those unknown. At the wake, without his usual fix he began drinking which spiraled out of control, one beer led to shots and one shot led to two and before Kev or Alice could reign him in he was a stumbling slurring mess. He and his friends were asked to leave in a rather rude tone by David and Tim, one of only a few times Kevin has ever seen them working together. The disappointed look on his parents faces as his friends helped him out to the car would be another mark on his list of failures. The events of this night and the unusual pair of strangers became the thing of family gossip whenever Kevin's name was brought up.

Alice and Kev, along with the Barr family had noticed that something was off about him, not just his drinking, but something physically was wrong. He had lost most of his muscle tone, his face looked gaunt, his hands cold to the touch, his skin pale with abrasions on it from where he had been scratching. But when she would ask him if he was alright he would tell her that he was fine and get irritated with her if she pressed the issue. So she left it alone, but would keep a watchful eye on him for any signs that she needed to put her foot down and squash whatever was causing it. Right now she was ninety percent sure it wasn't the drinking that was causing this, was it just his depression? She would get her answer soon enough.

Kevin had already gone through his monthly check, he was late on his rent, had pawned everything that was worth anything in his apartment and now was desperate to get back to that feeling, and to see him again. He banged upon the door hoping to god someone was there, it was a Saturday night so he was certain Alice was at work, but maybe Rave was here. The door swings open, "What in the holy fuck are you doing?"

Kevin scratches his neck, he hadn't thought this far, "Is Alice here?"

"You know damn good and well that she's at work," Rave was furious having been woken up, he had an audition tomorrow and didn't need this shit.

"Do you have any money I can borrow, I swear I'll pay you back," he hasn't spoken to Rave since the time he came to deliver the letter. It wasn't that he didn't want to see him, the drugs had just taken over his life before he got around to doing it.

"What is it for?"

Kevin was bouncing from one foot to the other, looking down the hall then back at Rave, "I need groceries man, I don't have a thing to eat at my place.

Rave folded his arms and hummed out a sarcastic acknowledgment, "Sure, and where are you going to get them at this hour and in that state."

"Are you calling me a liar?"

"No Kevin, I would never do that," he was still being sarcastic and it was pissing Kevin off, "You look like shit."

Don't look down on me, he thought to himself, "JUST GIVE ME THE GOD DAMN MONEY RAVE!"

Rave took a step back and Kevin's hand was up to the door stopping him from closing it, he pulls out his wallet and throws sixty dollars at him, "Here take it." Kevin falls to the ground picking it up and Rave closes the door barking out, "Now get the fuck out of here," slamming the door inches from his face, locking it. He quickly picks up the phone and calls Alice letting her know how screwed up Kevin was acting.

Kevin practically runs out the front door of the build and made his way down to Michael's house on his Harley with the sixty in hand, getting very little of the drug for the money he paid for it, "Is that all?"

"That's what you paid for," his eyes were unsympathetic.

"Can you front me a little extra?"

"Kevin, you already owe me, I shouldn't be giving you this," he looked down his nose at the drugs in his hand. "I should be taking the money you gave me for what is owed."

"No we're cool, I get it, I'll pay you as soon as I can," he started backing toward the door.

"See that you do," he closes the door roughly once Kevin was clear of it. Kevin could hear him through the door, "Junky."

Getting back to his apartment he started preparing the drug, in his screwed-up state of mind he knew that there was barely anything there, and he would have to use it all to get any kind of buzz. Filling the spoon he begins, tightening the tourniquet around his arm using his teeth he squeezes his fist, slapping the veins a few times to make them pop up. Finding one suitable he inserts the needle and pushes the plunger in, releasing the grip he had on the rubber tubing with his teeth, feeling the rush hit him, he leans back and rides the wave. But this was a tsunami that he wasn't expecting and he passes out as a key was put into the lock of his front door.

He could feel the gentle night breeze brushing his face, the clouds in the sky were slowly moving past obscuring the moon that was hanging low on the horizon as the stars speckled the black shroud of the night sky. The Humvee was twenty feet from him and as before Plank stood there looking up at the stars, he takes a step forward. A voice on the wind calling his name, they sounded scared, Plank rotates the goggles upward to rest on his helmet, smiling at him as he approached, "Kevin," he expression turns to a mock scold, "You shouldn't be here." Kevin couldn't find the words to express himself and Plank looks down at the item in his hand, "Is that for me?" Kevin looks to the hand he was looking at and sees the MRE he gave him that time, handing it over, "Thanks."

"I miss you," his voice was cracking a little as his eyes teared up.

"I know and I'm sorry," he rips open the package as he did before preparing the food inside, "But everything has it's time and place in this universe and mine is over."

Kevin couldn't accept this, he grabs the man's hand, "We can run, get far away from here, it doesn't have to be like this."

"Kevin," he furrows his borrows as he freed his hand, his eyes a little sad that his friend hasn't been able to move on yet, "You know this isn't real, my troublous dreams this night doth make me sad."

"I didn't know you liked Shakespeare," he let out a sad laugh at the reference.

"I don't, but you do," he turns around and sits on the ground, leaning his back against the side of the Humvee. Kevin takes a seat beside him, that voice on the wind again begging him to come back to them. "What's done is done Kevin and can't be undone, but I live on in here," he taps the forefinger of his right hand against Kevin's chest, "Just remember the good times we had and don't dwell on the bad."

He leans his head against Plank's shoulder and whispers, "What am I supposed to do though, I dream about it every night."

The sounds of gunfire surround them and the night has turned to day, "You accept that I am dead and gone," Kevin looks up and sees that his chest was now covered in blood his complexion pale, "But that you are still alive. So do me a favor and honor my memory by living your life to its fullest, be happy, fall in love, have wild passionate sex. Living does not mean that you have forgotten me, but that you have taken everything that I have taught you, by being in your life, and used it to be a better person."

"But," Kevin began but Plank silenced him with a finger to his lips.

"There are no buts, you simply have to." Plank turns his head away looking off into the distance and the scene shifts around them and they are now in a building, the nose of wheels rolling along the floor and music playing fills Kevin's ears. They are sitting upon a bench across from a pair of teens who were talking, one is eating nacho's looking all nervous while the other gently teases him. Several teenagers were rolling around the skating rink as I Ran by Flock of Seagulls plays over the speakers. "He's cute," Plank states and Kevin turns his head in the direction he was looking and see the familiar scene. The night he started falling in love with Edd if he was being honest with himself, "I can see why you were attracted to him, but it was his kind and gentle nature that made you fall in love."

"Yeah, he was something else," Kevin's heart skipped a beat as he remembered his first true love, the old pain of letting him down coming to the surface with this memory. The voice calls out to him again, his stomach churning, he retches and turns to the side letting what little was in his stomach hit the floor. Whipping his lips and spitting what was left out he comes back up a little weaker, "I'm sorry," the dream fading in and out now.

"It's alright, your bodies just trying to get rid of the toxin you put in it," Plank turns his attention back to the pair at the other table. "It's never too late to try again until it is you know, you should go find him and apologize then tell him how you feel, then you kiss his face and you keep kissing it so that he will never forget."

A voice comes over the speakers, filled with sadness and grief, "Kevin, you wake up right now god damnit, don't you fucking do this to me you mother fucker." He feels a sharp pain against his cheek and raises his hand to caress it, "You're not going to die on me."

"If only she knew that she was right," Kevin looks at his friend his hand still upon his cheek, "Well looks like your times up," Plank smiled to him, "Tell Alice and Rave that I love them."

"I love you man," he wraps his arms around his friend, not wanting to let go of him.

Plank returns the hug just as tightly, "And I love you, now wake up and live."

Another smack to the face and he is brought back into reality, "Stop it, that hurts," he said in a groggy voice.

Alice praised god that he had woken up, she had been fighting an internal battle on calling the cops. On one end it would increase his chances of survival if he was in fact ODing, on the other she knew that she would have wound up in jail. "Thank god your awake," A transgendered woman in the company of a man overdosing on heroine, there is no way the cops would have believed that she had nothing to do with this. And being put into male population in the county jail was not on her list of things she wanted to do tonight. She wasn't trying to gamble with his life, she just didn't want to gamble with her own as well. Forgive her for thinking this way, but we all know how things work out for minorities at the best of times, and this isn't the best of times.

"I'm not dying if that's what you thought," he was still high as a fucking kite and his speech was slurred, "Damn girl, you've got a mean right hook."

"You're lucky I didn't knock your god damn block off," Kevin starts to drift off again, "No, no, you're staying awake," she forces him to stand and walked him around the room, keeping an eye on him the rest of the night. Only allowing him to sleep once the effects had fully worn off and it was safer to let him sleep. While he was out she went through every drawer and hiding place she could think of in the apartment carefully, getting rid of everything he had in his possession. Tomorrow they were going to have a long conversation about his sobriety and the need to end this.

 **A/N- Please remember that this is a work of fiction and that I ultimately control whether he lives or dies. With that being said, if you see someone overdosing please call 911 immediately and get them medical attention. If you don't feel comfortable being there when the cops arrive like the situation Alice was in, use their phone to call for help and make sure they are laying on their side so they don't drown in their own vomit. Better yet, don't be like Kevin and let someone put you in this situation, it is alright to say no, if the condition of being their friendship is to do drugs then they are not really your friend. They are a Roxy or a Michael, just trying to see what they can get out of you, be it money or free drugs for themselves.**


	10. Everybody's Changing

Love Looks Not with the Eyes Chapter 10 – Everybody's Changing

 **A/N- The song is by Keane.**

When Kevin woke up the next day he felt like death warmed over, not an inch of his body was without pain as he sat up in his bed. Seeing a sleeping Alice lying beside him, throwing his feet over the side of the bed he smells himself, god he needed a shower. But his first impulse was to go try and make some money somehow to go get his next fix to stop the pain that he was currently in. He looks at himself in the mirror and wondered how he could accomplish this, he remembers Michael suggesting that he work the corner of 4th and oak. It was possible, if he took a shower and cleaned himself up he could probably get a few tricks and earn enough money for a party tonight. Hell he might get lucky enough that someone might have some dope on them and would be willing to share some in exchange for a good time.

Taking a few steps toward the bathroom to enact the first step in his plan, "Where the hell are you going?"

Fuck busted already by mommy dearest, he looks over and sees her sitting up in the bed "To take a shower," he points in the direction of the bathroom.

She hums out a sarcastic acknowledgment to his statement, "Going to get more drugs is more like it," she stands and walks toward him.

Was he really that easy to read? "And what of it, you're not my fucking mother!" Was he really being this irritable about it, was he really this badly in need of it that he would yell at her?

"No, I'm not," she bellowed, "But if I wasn't here last night you would have drowned." He looks at her in disbelief, "Yes Kevin you almost died last night, I rolled you ass over when you started to puke."

It hit him that not only had he hit rock bottom, but he had slammed right through it and borrowed his way ten stories down. It was all starting to come back to him, he had threatened Rave for money last night, the weird dream with Plank in it and puking during it. Now he was willing to go and suck some strangers dick who probably had who knows what disease for a few bucks to get his next fix, hell he would have sucked Michael's dick last night for just a little extra. But his body craved it, it needed it just to feel normal now, "You can't fucking keep me here."

"Kevin," she looked at him with an expression that dared him to try it, "Right now I could fucking kick your ass in stilettos you're that fucking pathetic." He charges for the door wanting to get the hell out of here, she was right on his heels easily slamming it shut on him, "You're staying put."

"This is kidnapping," he was getting desperate, "I'll call the cops."

"Go ahead, call them, tell them I am keeping you from getting your drug fix and see what happens. Better yet I'll tell them why I am keeping you here." The look in her eyes told him that she would do it, "If you don't believe me, try me."

"I fucking hate you," he was about to break down in tears the pain was getting so bad.

"Right now you do, but I love you and you will see that I am doing this for your own good," she forces him to go back into his room, "Now get back in there and be a good boy." For the next few days she took a leave of absence from work under family emergency, sitting in his room, her back against the bedroom door watching over him. She would have Kev deliver her food and take a shift when she needed some sleep, taking a nap on the couch, only being woken up once. It was during the first time that Kev was watching over him that he tried to overpower the shorter man. Alice had to tackle him to the ground before he reached the door, the two of them holding him down until he was calm again. He called her every name in the book as his body was racked with pain while it flushed the toxins out of his system and regained its natural chemical balance again. She whipped the sweat from his brow, force fed him his meals and held the bucket as he threw it up moments later. She held him as he cried, letting all the emotions he has been burying finally out into the open. His grief over not being able to save Plank, his fears that his family would hate him if he admits who he truly is, and his regrets about abandoning the one love he could not seem to get over.

Slowly over time the pain subsided and he was once again able to hold down his food, she was afraid that he would lose all his strength it had been so long. Finally, after several days "Thank you," he breathed out his weary body ready to fall asleep.

"Don't thank me just yet," she stood up from her position by the bed putting the rag in the bucket of water, "We still have to get you checked out."

"For what," his voice was weak.

"STD's," there was a knock at the door and she takes the bucket and heads in its direction.

"I didn't share a needle," he says as strongly as he could.

"Can you say that with absolute certainty?" He took a moment to think about this but didn't respond, "I didn't think so." She opens the door to his bedroom then the door to the apartment leading the new person back to the room, "Rave will be sitting with you while I go to make sure I still have a job." She looks between the two of them with a stern look on her face, "Now you two play nice, I'll be back in an hour and then we'll go to the VA."

She leaves the room and grabs her purse and went out the door, Rave sat there looking at him, halfway expecting him to jump up and attack him. The last time they had saw each other Kevin had scared the hell out of him and he was still nervous around him. Kevin sensing this apprehension speaks, "I'm sorry for what I did."

"You should be," Rave retorted, turning his head not wanting to look at him.

"I wasn't myself then, I hope you can forgive me," he starts to tear up again, "For everything," he hadn't apologized to Rave for his failure in saving Plank yet. "I did all I could to save him, I just, he just, I was."

"It's alright," Rave's voice was barely a whisper, "I know you did all you could," he reaches over and takes Kevin's hand, "It wasn't your fault." He sees that the man was barely staying awake, "Now get some sleep, we'll talk about this some other time." Rave never brought the topic up again while he still lived in Summerville, he had come to terms with what had happened and knew that bringing it up would only hurt the both of them.

True to her word when she got back, still employed, she threw Kevin in the shower, ashamed that she hadn't noticed the signs sooner. The man was now practically skin and bones, a specter of his former self, her Kev had more muscle then he did, the towering wall of muscle that was Kevin fucking Barr was no more. Kevin pauses and looks at his naked self in the mirror and he could hardly recognize himself, how could he let it go that far? Dressing him in his old clothes, he was swallowed whole by them, his pants were baggy his shirts loose where they were once tight against his chest. She rushes them down to the VA, to get him the promised physical, Kevin tapping his leg nervously on the drive there, as they waited to be seen and the drive back. They were to find out later that it was one of the long term effects of his heroin use, nervous behavior, that even though he didn't want to use again, subconsciously he would in an instant if the chance arose.

Kevin's results came back all clean of STD's, Alice reminding him that he was one of the lucky ones, because people lose their sense of decision making while on that drug. And he could have easily been infected by sharing a needle with someone who knew they had HIV but because they were high didn't care that they were spreading it to others.

Over the next month Alice helped Kevin find support in the form of NA, making sure he went to his meetings until he got a sponsor that would help look after him and keep him on track. A few months later Kevin was able to hold a steady job, getting work as a tow-motor driver for a factory that built parts for Chevy. He filled his free time with constructive things, like going to the gym, though he never returned to his former glory, or starting college to get a degree, taking courses in social work. He didn't want to see the same things happen to others that have happened to him or his friends, parents who could not accept their kids for who they are. Thus, mentally or physically abusing them as they tried to change them into what they wanted them to be. Or just tossing them out into the street to fend for themselves because they realized sexuality or gender identity could not be changed. Leading some of those kids down the wrong path to survive or cope with the pain. If he could help one child not go through those things he would feel that he has made a difference in the world. Rave moved up to New York at the start of 2005 to pursue his career in acting, getting his first gig with Kevin's cousin Tina in an off, off, off, off Broadway production. A play focusing on human sexuality and societies unwillingness to accept the LGBTQA community at the time, it closed a week after it opened, but Rave was happy.

Kevin was also a little behind on the times, with the advent of better internet came social media and the chance to reconnect with people you haven't seen for years. In most cases it is that high school buddy you haven't seen because they moved half way across the country for a better job. But in Kevin's it began a heavy search for a certain dork, hoping to open the door to reconciliation with a few emails back and forth. He had heard about Edd's divorce through Tina once he had gotten back in the states, but his grieving and drunken drug use kept him from making the attempt then and there.

Once he found the person he was searching for on Facebook, he discovered that he was in a relationship already, with Nat no less. His old best friend had stopped dying his hair and was back to his natural blonde in these pictures, but he could tell that he was still the same old Nat, carefree and spontaneous. Edd was older since the last time he had seen him, naturally, but he was still as handsome as ever, and it was good to see that Nat was able to pull him out of his shell. Scrolling through the pictures in his photo albums, he saw a relationship that was happy and filled with love as they took trips across the country and oversees. Beautiful sunrises over the Grand Canyon or star light walks along the beach in Hawaii. To say he was a little jealous would be a grand understatement, but he was happy for the two of them, since they were happy with each other, that was all he needed to know.

He let it be, not wanting to interfere with their lives or bring a sour note in the mix of their happiness with a hey I'm back kind of statement. But that didn't stop him from checking in on the dorks page to catch glimpses of updates on how he was doing from time to time. Alice catching him facestalking him once when she popped by unannounced for a visit, recognizing the two in the pictures as she looked over his shoulder asking, "You know those two dorks?"

"Yeah, we went to high school together," he turns his head slightly to the left and sees her side eye glance with a raised brow, "He was my best friend, and he is the ex I've told you about."

"No f'ing way," she was about to break out in laughter, "So you're the jerk I've heard everything about all those years ago."

"You're shitting me," his mouth was agape with disbelief, "You know them?"

"Yes darling, I'm the queen of social butterflies, I know everyone," she takes the mouse form him and clicks on her profile on his friends list. Scrolling down to her own friends list he clearly saw Edd's profile and Nat's, "Why don't you try friending him."

She clicks on Nat's profile, "No, don't do that," but it was too late, she had already sent the request. Clicking back and suddenly the profile disappeared from view, "What happened?"

"I don't know," she scoots him out of the chair and looks at her list, where Nat was supposed to be was now void of his profile. Logging him out muttering something about kicking his blonde ass if he unfriended her she logs back in under her profile, and there he was again, "Oh he must have blocked you." She snickers a little at this, "He must really hate you." Logging off she stands and drags him away from his stalking, "I'm starved, let's eat. You know I never understood why people can't let things go, what's it been thirteen years now and he's still mad you broke his boyfriends heart."

"Yeah," he simply replied, rubbing the back of his neck, he was a little worried that Edd would be blocking him now since Nat had done so, but it never happened. Over the years that followed Kevin dropped his name back into the hat of single people, going out on a few dates before committing to a relationship with a woman by the name of Susan. It never got to the move in phase of the relationship before it was over forcing him to try his luck again and roll the die once more. This time after a string of dates he started a relationship with a man slightly older then himself by two years by the name of Rick. They moved in together a year later, but Rick was moving back out six months after that. Something about being asked to leave when Kevin's parents visited had crossed a line for the man who was out and proud and didn't feel like going back in the closet for no one. Kevin who was still in the closet to his family would find it hard to explain why two men were living together in a one-bedroom apartment and his solution was to ask Rick to just act like a friend visiting that would leave twenty minutes later.

He left alright, before they even got there, coming back for his clothes while they were out to dinner, leaving a note that said he would be back for his thing tomorrow. He kept his promise bringing along friends, ignoring Kevin's apologies as he packed up his things, he didn't care how much he liked, loved or enjoyed someone's company, hiding who he is was something he could no longer do.

Kevin was thirty-five by this point in his life and his romantic future was beginning to seem bleak, but he at least had his work right. Having gotten the job he went to college for, he was making a difference in kid's lives. At least that's what he told himself, for much like the old saying goes, "the grass is always greener on the other side". The system was flawed in a few ways, kids could get yanked out of one house for a few minor things and then placed in a house where the people were only interested in the check that came with the kid. That is not to say that all families are like that, a lot of them were loving and nurturing, it just took Kevin a while to see which one was which and to do his best not to place a child in those only in it for the money.

Kevin continued to date over the remaining years before this tale ends, never finding someone he could truly make a real connection with, a corner of his heart still holding a place for the one who had stolen it all those years ago. He also noticed during these years that when he went on his facestalking moments to catch a glimpse on how Edd was doing that two profiles were now showing up under his name. Curiosity took him and he clicked on the new profile and discovered the young man that was his son, with two friends at his side, a warm nostalgic smile crossing his face as he scrolled through the boy's photos. Over time there was a moment when the boy added his cousin Little Anthony to his friends list, but he was quickly dropped a few weeks later. Boy his stalking was getting bad if he was following his long unrequited loves son on Facebook.

He only learned of the development between his cousin and the boy when he got a notification on Facebook that Kevin Anthony Barr was now in a relationship with Eddward Marion Vincent Jr., sparking his curiosity once again. Calling up Tina for the family gossip, he learns that the young Barr had, in essence, been excommunicated from the family and tossed to the streets. Messaging him on Facebook he quickly learned that the boy was living with his boyfriend and all his plans to get a place with him of their own. He made an offer to house the boy free from rent, but was shot down quickly, "I am grateful for the offer, but I can't, I hope you understand but I want to stay by his side. He is my everything, he holds my heart and it would kill me to be away from him."

Kevin understood this all to clearly, he felt the same way all those years ago, but let others sway him to leave the one he wanted to be with. "I get it, I wish you the best and many happy years together. It is not in the stars to hold our destiny, but in ourselves." **(William Shakespeare)** He chuckled to himself, if he hadn't of met Edd and started this journey that led him to be more open to being friends with Plank, Alice and Rave, he would have probably been on the family's side on this. It is strange how one little meeting in life can change you so much, opening the doors to new possibilities and ways of thinking. "Do you want me to kick your father's ass for you? He's always been a fucking asshole."

"Naw, I'd feel bad if you went to jail. We're working on getting my emancipation and a restraining order against him so it will all work out in the end."

"I'm glad you think so," he promptly removes any and all family members from his friends list who were no longer friends with Little Anthony. For he knew that they were alright and even agreed with the way his father was treating him. A few months later he hears about a horrific story that occurred in his small home town, the victim's name was kept out of the papers due to being a minor, but it was clear that he was attacked and nearly killed for being homosexual. No matter how far we have come in strides for equality, just having gotten marriage equality through the courts, there are always those who would push back even harder against the change. He followed the story through all forms of media, glad that the four assailants in the case had gotten what they deserved and not just a slap on the wrist.

On the anniversary of Plank's death, he ran into Alice and Kev at the grave sit and was asked a favor from the couple. It was a simple one, help her prepare for an inspection that would certify them to be foster parent's. That was no skin of his teeth, he owed her after all, for all the help she has given him during his rehabilitation, and has never once asked for anything in return. Walking up to the familiar house a car parking at the curb behind him as he climbed the steps to the door. Ringing the doorbell he hears two sets of voice approaching from the other side, Alice stating, "My guest has arrived."

A fainter voice in the background, what they were saying was muffled by the door and their distance from it. The door swinging open and they greeted each other with a kiss to each cheek. She admonished him for is tardiness and he blames the holiday traffic, since it was the day after black Friday. She turns back to her beanie clad guest and hands him a Styrofoam cup, "I'll see you later Edd, if your still in the area," that name, she turns back to him, "What would you say two hours?" He was looking at the boy and marveling on how much they looked alike at that age that all he could do was nod in agreement. "Ok in two hours call me if your still around," she restates to the boy. He gave her is assurances that he would and they kiss each other on the cheek in farewell and the boy steps out the door.

"Who was that," Kevin asked pointing in the general direction of the door as it started to close.

"Just a friend," and she walks off toward the kitchen.

"Alice," he scolds her wanting confirmation.

"You know full well who that was," she turns and leans on the counter.

He lets out an exasperated breath, "You know him too."

"I already told you," she raises her hands shoulder level for emphasis, "Social butterfly."

Dropping the subject and accepting that she was who she was they went on with the test run of the inspection, giving her a list of things she would need to fix before the real thing. Her inspection went off without a hitch and she treated him to lunch for his help. A few months later he saw on her event calendar on Facebook that she was holding a fund raiser at the dock to help them bolster their income for the upcoming new arrival to their family. He knew that she was friends with Edd and Nat, along with the man's son, he so needed to know if the man was going to be there so he could get some long overdue things off his chest. Alice seemed uncooperative when it came to this, strictly forbidding him from messaging his cousin on the topic. Something about all her hard work getting father and son back together again and that he would rue the day he met her if he fucked it up.

But he would not be detoured from this, he wanted to give the man closure, he wanted to see if the three of them could be friends again, he wanted to talk to Edd again. He didn't expect anything more, though he would be extremely happy if it could lead to that down the road, but he wouldn't hold his breath. There was somebody else who knew Edd other than Alice, and she might be more apt to go through with his request since it is all she has ever wanted him to do, give Edd closure. Texting her he explained what he wanted, "I'll try cuz, but he might still be against it."

"I understand, but I have to give it a shot, don't I?" He sat there and waited for her response

"Yes you do, give me a few minutes," he surfed the internet as he waited for her to do her thing. A new text, "Send him a friend's request." It was like she was reading his mind, he was already on his page, mouse hovering over the add friend button. Clicking he waited, and waited, but no response from her or from him. "It's a no go cuz," was her simple response after some time had passed.

"NP, thanks for trying," he sets down the phone and spends his day playing a few video games on his PS4 before getting ready to go out that evening. Checking his Facebook again, seeing that Edd hadn't blocked him yet, maybe there was still hope if he could run into him tonight. Entering the crowded show room he climbs the stairs to the left side balcony, scanning the room for any familiar faces, but in the dim lighting on the crowd he could not make out anyone he knew. He didn't even see Alice approach him until she was talking in his ear, "I know what you're doing."

"What am I doing?"

"Looking for him," he gives her a guilty look and returns his attention to scanning the room, "Stay away for now, let him deal with one thing at a time."

"But," he started.

But she cut him off, "I forbid it," she points her finger at him but teased, "Listen to mommy, all good things come to those who wait." He agreed to this reluctantly, then congratulated her on the upcoming child she would be fostering, and hands her his donation plus letting her know that she could call on him if she needed anything. He enjoyed his night as best he could, but was still scanning the crowd on occasion for anyone he would know. Getting a notification that Alice Anderson had commented on a post, he opens his Facebook app and sees one side of the conversation. Unbeknownst to him the other person in the conversation was Nat, since he was still being blocked by his old friend on the site, he could not see his comments. The picture however was of Edd, his son, Nat and Little Anthony in a group shot at what looked like the strip bar of this complex.

Rushing toward that location, he looked around the bar for the four individuals, not seeing a beanie one anywhere in the room he comments on the post, "You look like you're having fun, too bad we missed each other." Going home from there, he falls upon his bed to sleep a restless sleep as he remembered all that had transpired between them so many years ago, ending in that fateful day when he broke both their hearts.

He went about his business as usual, going with the caseworker when Alister was brought to Alice's home to live with them. Feeling all warm and fuzzy inside when the couple welcomed the boy with open arms into their house, another dash in the column of making a positive difference in the world. His routine was interrupted when he got a pleading call from Alice asking for his help with Rave.

Apparently, he had made the same mistake he had all those years ago and got addicted to drugs and she was suggesting that he go to the NA meetings he attended. Maybe a familiar face would help their friend keep his sobriety and not relapse into using. He happily agreed to this, since he trusted her in every way, he told her where his meetings took place and what the next day he would be there was. He listened to the man's story from the back of the room, he knew that he had been hurt by Plank's death. But Rave always put up a strong front, so at the time he was confident that he would be alright, he never expected him to fall into drugs to cope. He approached him after the meeting was over and offered to be his sponsor, it was the least he could do to help the one Plank loved so much get back to where he needed to be.

They would meet up, go to their meetings together then have dinner afterwards, talking about anything or of nothing of importance at all. The important thing was supporting Rave as he learned how to avoid temptation and those people in his life that brought it with them. This was a big reasonability for Kevin as it meant being there for him when he needed him, and according to Alice that meant this Saturday. "Rave's going to call you soon and ask you to be there for him," she said over the phone.

"Why?" it was meant more of a why is she telling him this and not Rave.

It was valentine's day and Kevin was watching some sappy romance movie on Netflix in the spirit of the holiday. "Well, I am kind of setting him up with a friend of mine, and he might need you there if it all goes south."

A beep on the phone told him he had another incoming call, turning the device he sees that it is the man in question calling him. "Well he is calling now so I'll talk to you later." He switches lines and greets his friend, listening to the whole story again, this time from his point of view along with his fears on the situation. Alice wasn't known for being the best match maker, Kevin could attest to this from the number of blind dates she has set him up on that crashed and burned before the night was out. Kevin reassured him that he would be there for him, hell worst case scenario he dances the night away with Rave to cheer him up from being rejected.

 **A/N- For those of you how might have noticed it, I did purposely omit Alice and Kev's wedding. (Doing my best Edna Mode impersonation), "NO SPOILERS." Well I have up until June of 2016 in my timeline to marry them off in Down the Rabbit Hole, so for all you know they get married the day before they are introduced in Loves Fool. I'll see myself out.**


	11. White Flag Part 2

Love Looks Not with the Eyes Chapter 11 – White Flag Part 2

 **A/N – Part one is in Loves Fool Chapter 82. As stated in the other chapter this chapter will be the other half of the night but showing Kevin Richard and Edd Sr. side of the story, so there will be some repeats. Loves Fool Kevin and Edd will be addressed as Anthony and Double D to alleviate confusion. White Flag is sung by Dido.**

Kevin's heart skipped a beat as his eye met those gorgeous blue that he hasn't seen in over two decades, _"_ _Damnit Alice, you could have warned me,"_ he thought to himself. Rave circles around his two long lost friends as Edd turns his head away from him, was he really that uncomfortable seeing him that he would make that face. His attention was taken away from the cute dorky man before him as Rave wraps his arms around him turning him to the side, whispering in the ear that was turned away from them, "Thanks for coming."

"No problem," he whispered back, smiling as he could tell how nervous his friend was, "Take a breath, you'll be fine." A pit of anxiety hits him as he realized something, pulling back from the hug he asks, "So, which one of them is she hooking you up with?"

"Nat," Rave says a nervous smile upon his face.

"He's a good guy," he looks over at his exfriend who was now walking toward them, "You'll like him." The man walks past them and Kevin turns his head in the direction he was headed in, seeing Alice some twenty feet away coming toward them.

He was only able to hear Nat say, "We need to talk," before the conversation becomes inaudible to him.

"I'll be right back," Rave states motioning with his hand to give him a minute, then makes his way towards Alice and Nat at a quick pace.

Turning back around his heart began to beat rapidly, his palms were sweating and his throat felt dry, god damn he couldn't recall the last time he was this nervous. There he was, five feet from him, with his son and Little Anthony standing beside him, wiping the palm of his hand against his pants in one fluid motion he extends his hand, "You must be Junior."

Double D takes the hand offered to him and gives it a firm shake, "Edd, or preferably Double D."

"Yeah, don't call him Junior, he hates that," Edd Sr. adds to the conversation.

"I'm Kevin," he glances at his cousin quickly as he retracts his hand then turns his gaze back to Double D, "Or Richard, whichever you prefer."

"Or Dick," Edd included and Double D gives him a disapproving glance as the younger Kevin chuckled quietly beside him. "What," he responds to the look his son gave him, "Dick is a socially approved nickname for Richard."

"Like I said, whichever you prefer," Kevin still looked a little hurt at the quip about his name, not that he didn't deserve it though, "I was friends with your old man back in the day."

Edd stifled a laugh with his hand, "I'm sorry, that was rude of me," Edd waved off the tension and put on a straight face, "Your looking good Kevin."

"Thanks," he gives him an unsure smile, "You too, you're looking great Edd."

Edd dismissed the compliment by turning to his son and asking, "Are you ready to go in?"

It was clear that reconciling with Edd wasn't going to be easy, but damn it he wasn't going to give up at the first sign of trouble, "So, um, how have you…"

"I've got an idea," Edd turned back to face him, the same expression on his face he used to get when they were younger, his eyes brightening up whenever he worked out a solution to a difficult problem, "Why don't we sponsor the two of them in." he pats the boys on the back and Kevin cocks a brow at him, Edd explains further, "This way Nat and Rave aren't tide down to them and they can leave to talk later if they want."

"Uh, yeah," he rubs the back of his neck, "Sure, that sounds cool."

"Cool," Edd takes Anthony by the shoulders and directs him towards Kevin, "You sponsor your cousin, and I'll sponsor my son," he puts his arm around Double D. Cupping his hand over his mouth he yells, "NAT," and waits for the man to turn around and look at him. Waving his arm in the air as he continued to speak loudly, "We're going to head inside," he points toward the doors. Nat waves and Edd took it that he understood what he was saying, "Come on boy's," he shepherd's them into the building, holding the door open for them, "Let's go get a table." As Kevin passed he adds, "Do feel free to join us Kevin, and maybe we can rekindle our 'friendship'."

"Sure," he said in a downtrodden tone, "I'd love to." It was the way that Edd had said the word "friendship" that let him know that all he could expect right now was a very mild acknowledgement of his existence. Edd's expectations for this "reunion" was simple, he would forgive him if he asked for it, some polite conversation and maybe add him on Facebook, then he'd go back to Evansville and be done with it.

Walking in the door behind him, Edd shuffled to the front of the group and took his sons arm, more for support then a show of affection. Anthony who was at the opposite side of the group from Edd leans in and whispers to Kevin, "Why did you have to go and do that man."

Kevin cocks a brow and side eyes his cousin, "Do what?"

He huffs at what the older man had said, "Down play your relationship and shit, telling us you were just friends."

"Well," Kevin was searching for a way to justify his words, "It didn't last long enough to be considered a real relationship."

"One of you asked the other out right?"

Kevin recalled the night he had begged for Edd's forgiveness under his bedroom window, the following week that ended with a passionate kiss in a theater bathroom stale. His declaration to Marie, Ed and May about their relationship statues at Denny's then answered, "Yes."

"And they said yes?" Kevin nods to the question, "Then you dated, so do yourself a favor and learn to call it like it is man," Anthony shook his head, "It will save you a whole lot of trouble in the end." They all made it through the ID check, Anthony praising god that Double D's fake ID was still fooling them, but come next month and he wouldn't need it anymore. They walked through the sparsely populated dance area of the bar towards the drag bar following closely behind Edd and Double D. Anthony did not prod into the matter anymore, even though he was curious about what had happened between them, but when he thought about it he had his answer already, family.

Double D on the other hand felt like probing, if for nothing more than to have his father hear the man's side of things. He started with something simple and would work his way to the hard stuff, "So Kevin," Double D says as he sat down at the table, both men looking at him but it was clear who he was addressing as he was looking at the older Barr man. "What did you do after you graduated high school?"

Edd chimes in, "Yeah, Dick what did you do?" Alice who was take her seat across from him gives Edd a disapproving look.

Kevin wasn't sure how far he should go into detail, but he did answer the question as he slid out of his jacket, "I joined the army after I graduated, got married. Served an extended tour of duty in Afghanistan, got a divorce when I came back then went to college and got my degree to become a social worker."

"That had to be scary being in a war," Anthony remarked as he personally wasn't sure if he could handle being shot at by someone who intended to kill him.

Double D notices the bottom half of a tattoo protruding out from under his short sleeve shirt on his right arm and thought it looked familiar, "May I see your tattoo," he motions toward the arm.

"Sure," Kevin pulls up the sleeve and Double D was right this was the man he had seen at Alice's thanksgiving weekend, the initials of EMV etched on the heart. It didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out who's those initials those were, and Kevin became self-conscious of them when Edd looked over to catch a glimpse of the tattoo, pulling the sleeve down again. He had gotten the initials added to the tattoo after he had gotten his divorce and during one of his drunken benders.

Double D smirks as he was well aware that the man sitting in front of him still held a candle for his father, "Did it hurt? Because I've been thinking about getting one." Anthony made a mental note, adding it to his list of birthday present ideas.

"A little," Kevin lied, for him it was painful but that's because of his fear of needles.

Double D leans in and whispers, "You shouldn't hide it, he might actually be flattered."

"Yeah, easy for you to say," he looks down the table at Edd who was looking coldly at him as he talked to his son, "He doesn't hate you." Needing a moment to clear his mind Kevin stands and address everyone at the table, "I'm going to the bar, does anyone need anything?" Alice cocks a brow at him and folds her arms, "I'm just getting a coke mom."

"That's all it better be," she replied, and he turns his gaze towards Edd who was still staring daggers at him. His expression was cold, but other than call him Dick he was being polite and holding his tongue. Since no one was answering his question he assumed that they didn't need anything and turns to head towards the bar, breathing out a sigh to relieve his anxiety once he was away from them. Leaning against the bar with his arms folded, he motions for the bartender who comes over to take his order, "Coke please," the man picks up a glass and fills it with ice then heads towards the soda gun.

"What are you doing here man," Nat asks as he leans against the bar next to him.

Kevin turns his head slightly to his right, "I'm here for Rave if that wasn't obvious enough for you."

"Why? Alice and everyone else can just as easily do whatever it is your doing for him," his tone was a little cold but not harsh, "So again what are you still doing here?"

"Because I'm his friend and he asked me to come, do I need any other reason to stay?" Kevin was keeping his cool, he didn't have a grudge with Nat, he only wished the feeling was mutual. The bartender walks up to them and sets the small glass of soda in front of him, telling him that it would be three-dollars.

Nat pulls up the sleeve on his right arm and looks at the tattoo, breathing out disapprovingly, "You can file thirteen that pipedream," he lets go of his sleeve letting the fabric fall back into place.

"I knew you wouldn't understand," he said roughly as he put his wallet back in his pocket.

"Try me," Nat's tone had changed, softening.

Kevin's jaw muscles tighten as he mulled over his thoughts on whether Nat was truly interested in his feelings for Edd or if he was just trying to gather more ammo to use against him. He decided to use this conversation as a trial run for his confession to Edd. "I still love him," he paused trying to find the right words, "After all these years my heart just won't let go of him, and I know you think I shouldn't, but I can't help that I do. You know what's tragic about all this, is the fact that even if he tells me to fuck off tonight, or screams and hits me, I will still go on loving him until the day my heart stops beating."

Nat groans, "Ugh, why does one side of me still want to believe you?" He ran his hand down his face in irritation, he knew that Edd still had a few embers in his heart that smoldered for the man beside him. And if what Kevin had said was true, who was he to stand in their way, it was Edd's decision after all, "So Tina told us what your parents did to you, a priest huh?"

"Yeah," Kevin replied softly, "You have no idea how much that fucked with my head."

"Alright I get it,' with his hands on the bar he leans forward and exclaims, "Shit," before bouncing back up into a standing position. He was still torn between telling the man to go fuck himself with a chainsaw or doing what he decided to do. He turns and faces him, "Look man," jabbing him in the chest with his finger, "I'm not saying that you're going to get anywhere with him. But if this turns out to be nothing more than a simple fling for you, I swear to god that I know two people that will be happy to help me hide your body and someone who will give me a solid alibi."

"I get it," Kevin said wide eyed.

"You have no idea what I had to go through the last time you broke his heart," he rubs the bridge of his nose, "And I don't want to have to go through it again. I had to break his damn Bodyguard soundtrack to make him stop listening to that fucking song." I Will Always Love You by Whitney Houston is still number one on Nat's do not ever listen to list to this very day, along with several other sad songs that came out that year.

"I understand," Kevin simply replied and sees Edd walking towards the exit in a rush some twenty feet behind Nat.

"God I need a drink," Nat groans out and signals for the bartender to come over.

"Get Rave a Fuzzy Navel," he pats him on the shoulder as he starts to walk towards the exit, "He likes those."

"Where are you going?"

He turns around and walks backwards as he says, "To the bathroom," then turns back around and quickens his pace to catch up to the fast walking man. He follows him through the dance bar which was starting to liven up, into the piano lounge then up a flight of stairs to the second floor and out into the balcony smoking area. Stepping through the door the cold February air hits him and he sees Edd leaning against the iron railing of the balcony taking a deep drag off of a cigarette then blowing a large plume of smoke back out through his nose, "Those things will kill ya, you know."

Edd turns his head towards him and looks at him, his eyes were now absent the cold stand-offish glare they have had previously, "I just needed a moment to think," he turns his head back around to face the street.

Kevin takes a few steps forward, "Do you mind if I join you?"

"It's a free country," he takes another drag.

Kevin comes to stand next to him, keeping a respectable distance, he leans against the iron railing, "When did you start smoking?"

"When my dad was in the hospital," he flicks the ashes off the tip and looks at the cigarette, "I know it's a bad habit, but it helped to calm my nerves."

"How's your dad doing?"

"He's alright, but they've already found another aneurism on his femoral artery," he takes another drag.

"I'm sorry to hear that," he takes a deep breath, releasing it slowly as he motions for a cigarette, "Are they going to operate?"

Edd opens his pack and offers him one, "No, he barely survived the last one, so my parents have decided that if he is going to die, its best if he does it at home, with family, and not on some operating table."

"Oh man that sucks," his voice was full of sorrow, for all though he has never met the man he felt sorry that Edd and his family had to go through with such hardship. "Edd," he wasn't sure how to bring up the topic now, but he still needed to take the opportunity to tell him that he was sorry for what happened between them.

"I forgave you a long time ago," he flicks the cigarette into the street, "So you don't have to worry about it." He pulls out another cigarette and lights it, knowing he would need it now for this conversation, "I won't lie to you and say it didn't hurt like hell, and occasionally still does, but I do know what your parents put you through, so I forgave you."

"It's still no excuse for my actions," he couldn't look at Edd, he felt so ashamed of his younger self, "I should have come to you, I should have told you what was going on."

"It's alright Kevin, what's done is done and can't be undone," he takes a long drag of his smoke as Kevin recalled hearing that phrase in his dream about Plank all those years ago. "But while we're on the subject of apologies, I would like to say that I'm sorry for being a jerk earlier," he drops his head, feeling ashamed for how he has been acting. "You know, I told myself I wasn't going to show my ass if we ever met again, but what's the first thing I do the first time I see you, I show my ass."

"But it's such a nice ass," Kevin said jokingly trying to lighten the mood.

Edd shakes his head and tries not to laugh, he was being serious after all, "Quiet you. But seriously, I am sorry."

"There's nothing to be sorry for," his tone was quiet, "I was a jerk and I deserved it, hell I would have done worse if I was in your shoes."

"I'm sure you would have Kevin," he smiles a little, glad in the knowledge that Kevin would have held a grudge just as long if their roles had been reversed. "So, what do you think? Should we try and be friends again?"

A smile danced across Kevin's lips, it was the way that Edd had said friends this time, there was none of the bitterness from earlier in his tone. "Edd, I," he wanted to tell him how he truly felt about him but he didn't want to jeopardize this first step, it was a small step, but it was a step in the right direction, "I would love to be your friend."

"Cool," Edd pulled out his phone and unlocked it, tapping the screen once and Kevin's phone chimes a moment later, alerting him of a notification. Pulling it out of his pocket he presses the button on the side to bring up his screen and sees that he has a friends request on Facebook.

He smirks at the dorky man in front of him as he unlocks his phone and accepts the request, Edd had unintentionally, or perhaps intentionally, admitted to Kevin that he had been looking at his Facebook page at some point in the evening. "Cool," he did a quick search and posted a picture on Edd's time line. Opening his phone when he got the notification he sees a picture of William Shakespeare's profile with a quote to the side. "I desire you in friendship, and I will one way or other make you amends."

Edd smiled and shook his head, "You and your Shakespeare."

"What?" he gestured with his hands as he said the word, "He's classic." They sat up there on that balcony for a good moment making a fresh start with a new friendship. Both men ignoring the string of chimes from their phones as Facebook notifications from their friends and those who knew about their past came swarming in.


	12. Wonderful

Love Looks Not with the Eyes Chapter 12 – Wonderful

 **A/N- Wonderful is sung by Annie Lennox**

Kevin stood upon that balcony bouncing from toe to toe, finishing up another cigarette as he lightly laughed at the funny story Edd had just finished sharing. The cold February night air sending a chill through his body, prompting him to rub his bare arms to try and bring some warmth back into his limbs. Thinking to himself that he really should have gone back inside ages ago, but he wasn't going to give up this opportunity to just listen to Edd speak. It had been so long since they had talked after all and he didn't want to have to share this with anybody else right now. "Oh dear, how terribly rude of me," Edd states as he sees him trying to stay warm, "Here I've been thoughtlessly rambling on, while you've been freezing to death."

"I'm fine," he replied as he tried to keep his shivering from being noticeable.

"No, you're not," Edd flicks his cigarette away and stands, "Let's get you back inside before you catch a cold." Taking Kevin by the shoulders he turns him around and pushes him toward the door, "Get moving mister."

"Yes sir," he chuckled, allowing himself to be led towards the door. Once inside he followed the man back to the showroom, looking him over from head to toe, imprinting his image in his minds eyes. He was trying to shake this surreal feeling that at any moment this would all be over and they would once again be out of each other's lives. "Edd," the man turns his head toward him, acknowledging his call he slows his pace so they were walking side by side now, "Would it be alright to message you on Facebook?"

"Uh, I don't see a problem with that," he thought about his answer after he had replied. It would be easier to sever all ties with him this way, when everything went south like he feared it eventually would. It was a better option than having to get his number changed, then having to text it to everyone in his contact list so that all the people in his life who would need it, had it.

"Cool," they were entering the now crowded showroom, "So do you come down this way often?"

"Normally, no, but I have been making the trip quite regularly here recently," he pulls out the chair next to his son on the opposite of his son's fiancé.

This put Alice's husband between them, "We'll have to get lunch the next time you're down then." He pulls out his chair and takes a seat.

"I would like that," Edd replied down the table.

Rave who was to his left leans in a whisper's, "At least it's a step in the right direction." Seeing the worried look on Kevin's face as he looked down the table at the man who was now talking to his son, he continues, "Did you have a nice conversation?"

Kevin nods, "Hey Barr, love the quote man," Nat harshly teases, "I aint no Shakespeare man myself, but it seems kind of threatening, don't you think."

Kevin pulls out his phone again and looks at the post, reading it more carefully as Rave agrees with Nat, "He's right, it is kind of a cringe worthy choice." He turns his attention back to Nat to distract him with conversation, even though he did think Kevin deserved a little teasing for the post.

Scrolling through the comments he sees one from his cousin Tina, "SMH, I thought I taught you better than this Kevin." One from Nat, who apparently unblocked him just to say, "HA," at his choices of quotes. Another from his mother who wrote, "Glad you're making new friends but please be careful," he was now wishing that she had never discovered Facebook. He knew exactly what she meant by be careful, apparently using the phrase, I desire you as a friend, was too much in her opinion when used towards another man. Oh, and here's one from an old classmate, "If you're threatening him, I'll kick your ass Barr," so now you're protecting him Tim, what the fuck has he missed over these past years?

"It was the thought that count's Nat," Edd called down the table to his friend, then returned his attention to his phone, tapping the screen a few times. Kevin taps the reply button on Tina's comment to leave an exaggerated apology on his failure, but the screen only told him that the post could not be found. The chat bubble pops up with Edd's picture on it and the quick view message reading, "Sorry, but I had to delete it."

He opens the message and types out, "Why?"

He looks up and sees Edd looking at his phone, furrowing his brow in thought then typing out a response. The familiar chime from his phone draws his attention to the device, "Because I know what you meant to say and that is all that matters to me, not their opinions on it."

He smiles to himself as a warm feeling filled his chest, either Edd was trying to protect him from getting picked on or he wasn't liking the fact that other people were misinterpreting what he was trying to say. Either one of these scenarios made Kevin feel good, it gave him a glimmer of hope that just maybe there was a chance for this new friendship to work. He wasn't going to press his luck with the hot dorky man sitting a few seats from him by seeking more than friendship from him. But he couldn't dismiss his desire for that possibility either, "Thanks Edd," he replied simply then locks his phone, putting it away as the MC comes out to begin the show.

"HEEYY, how ya'll doin tonight?" Anita calls out to the crowd but Kevin was halfheartedly paying attention to the stage. His eyes were wondering down the table, fixating upon Edd's smiling face as he laughed at Anita's antics, _"_ _God I'm such a stalker,"_ he thought to himself. Catching his cousin's eyes, he sees that the boy was giving him a curious look, he turns away in embarrassment for having gotten caught, his attention now back on the stage. Feeling as though he was the kid who had just got caught stealing a jawbreaker from the candy store.

"Patience," Rave advised in a whisper having also caught on to what he was doing.

"I know," he whispered as he let out a breath, "But he's right there."

"I understand," Rave was torn between the advice he was giving or just telling him to go for it, for that same cautious mindset had cost him a relationship with Plank. But it was the only advice he could give, since he knew that this was the guy that Kevin had done wrong all those years ago. "But if you rush into it now, you might just end up scaring him off," Kevin looked defeated now that someone else had confirming what he already knew. "So, you're going to have to show him that you're here to stay, then you can take your time winning him back," he shrugs his shoulders, "Sorry but that's the best advice I've got."

"Thanks James," the table erupts into cheers as he replied and they both turn to look at the stage. Edina was walking from the first point to the second to begin modeling her evening gown for the judges at the center of the stage. Kevin put his thumb and forefinger in his mouth letting out a loud whistle for the girl as she walked to the third point, the rest of her friends did their own calls to let her know they were supporting her. Kevin did his best to keep his eyes glued on the stage, he was now quite interested to see how the young woman would fair against her peers.

It was clear that the question and answer portion went fairly well for her, as a few of the other girls had fumbled with their words as they replied to the judges. "Alice wants us to head backstage," Rave says as he stands, putting his phone back in his pocket he motions for the others to follow him.

"We'll be cheering for you," Nat calls out to him as they start to walk away. Kevin could tell that Rave was blushing, it was the way he looked down at the floor for a moment that gave him away. Plank had told him that whenever Rave would hide his blush by turning away from him, that little motion would give him away.

Edd leans forward as Nat turns back around and wags his eyebrows at him, "See I told you that you would like him."

Getting a napkin tossed in his face as Nat replied, "Shut up." Kevin grinned at their antics, happy that they had each other in their lives, glad that neither one of them had been alone. Anita announces that there will be a short intermission once the Q&A portion was done, to give the girls time to prepare for the talent portion. With everyone else gone the three of them were left in an awkward silence, none of them were sure on what to talk about or how to start a conversation with only the three of them sitting there. Edd's awkwardness sprang from the fact that he was sitting in front of two of his ex's, and talking about work seemed so boring, he didn't want to talk to casually with Kevin in front of Nat, or talk about his relationship with Nat in front of Kevin. "So," Nat drummed his belly as he leaned back in his chair, "You live in town hmm," lame, but someone had to break the ice.

"Yeah, since 97," Kevin responded, the memories of transferring up here for Nazz playing in his mind.

"Hmm," Nat hummed, "Edd and I went to college as Summerville University at the begging of that year, that's when I introduced him to Alice."

"Correction," Edd interjected, "It was in 96 that I met her, 97 was the tail end of that school year."

"Eh," Nat shrugged, "Details."

"Well, you guys have known her longer then I have," Kevin leans his arms against the table, his foot nervously bouncing underneath, "I met her at the end of 98, a mutual friend of ours introduced us."

Nat rubbed his chin in thought, "So I was up in Indy working and Edd was either getting married or was already married." He looks over at Edd, who nods to confirm his accounts of events, "I was beginning to wonder why we never ran into you back then."

"Fate, I guess," Kevin said at the same time that Edd had said, "Fate can be a funny thing."

"Hey, how are you old timers doing," Edina calls out as she comes to sit down in between Kevin and Edd.

"Old timers," Nat said in shock, he's not that old, "I'd watch your tone pup."

"Hey mister," she addresses Kevin, "You're Kevin's cousin right," he nods, "And your names also Kevin," he nods again, "God that's got to be confusing."

"What can I say, my father and his father idolized my grandfather," he grabs his own knee trying to still his foots relentless tapping.

Edina notices and asks, "You alright there?"

"Yeah I'm fine."

Nat cocks a brow, "Don't you have to be in the back getting ready?"

"I've got time," she turns her attention back to Kevin, "So you use to date Pop's right," she points over her shoulder to Edd.

Edd's face went from shock at the nickname to mild amusement as he repeated, "Pop's," hiding a laugh behind his hand.

"Yeah," he answered her, "A long time ago."

"So, like I don't care how much Alice or Rave like you, but I like Pop's and if you hurt him again you're going to find my boot up your ass." Her expression wasn't mean but calm and collected and Kevin gives her a mildly shocked look of disbelief. "And if you don't think I can do it because I'm wearing stilettos then try me and you will find your nuts meeting the pointy end of my heels."

Kevin chuckles nervously as he was not sure how to respond as Nat hides his silent laugh behind his hand turning his head away from the pair, Edd just looked mildly embarrassed. "You've got nothing to worry about, I don't intend to hurt him again."

"Good, just make sure you keep those intentions pure and we will have no problems," she stands to head back to get ready. "You all enjoy the rest of the show," she leans over to give Edd a kiss on the cheek before leaving, waving goodbye to Nat and giving Kevin a stern look as she walks away.

"I don't think she likes you," Nat laughed as he clapped Kevin on the shoulder

He gives the man a sarcastic smile but didn't respond, he had meant what he had said, he had no intention of ever hurting Edd again. He was more scared of exposing himself too much to Edd and getting hurt in the process.


	13. Try Again

Love Looks Not with the Eyes Chapter 13 – Try Again

 **A/N – "What I was isn't what I am,** **I'd change back but I don't know if I can. Still I'll try, try again, try again. Baby I die every night, every time." Keane - Try Again.**

The three men sat at that table watching the talent portion of the pageant after Edina left them to go get ready for her own show. Edd and Nat conversing naturally with each other about each of the contestants and their performances, Kevin throwing in his two cents when he could to try and stay in the conversation and not become a third wheel. Kevin couldn't help the little chuckle that escaped his lips when Edd began tapping his fingers on the table and singing along to the song from the second show, I Put a Spell on You sung by Bette Midler from Hocus Pocus. Obviously, Bathhouse Betty had to be one of his favorite singers, either that or he might just like that movie, these little tidbits however were the types of things he wanted to know about the dork. He had to push down the feelings of jealousy that his old friend already knew all this and more about the man.

Observation told him that screwdrivers seemed to be his favorite drink and he was certain that he hadn't lost his love for the cheesy B-grade horror movies that he used to watch with his friends back in the day. But what else could he hope to learn about him before they parted ways tonight? And when would they see each other again once this little reunion was over? These little obsessive thoughts were starting to remind him of another addiction he has and it was beginning to frighten him. He told himself that he should just be happy and content that they were able to sit together and talk like adults with each other, and that whatever happens in the future was meant to be, whether it be good or ill fortune.

Edina's performance began and Edd smiled as his son took the stage dressed as one of the Tremaine sisters. He was proud that his boy was so brave and able to be a part of the community in ways that neither of them had the courage to do when they were his age. Edd's mind wondering back into the past, remembering the days when Nat would drag him to the bar once he turned eighteen. How frightened he was that someone he might know would be there, recognize him, and tell everyone that they knew where he had been. How this fear forced him to shy away from interacting with people and stick close to Nat and his friends. If Alice hadn't been so upfront and forceful, pushing him into interacting with their group of friends, they might not have become close at all. How he regretted having those fears then, how foolish he felt for letting other people's opinions stop him from being who he truly was. No use crying about it now as the past has made him who he is today, a proud father cheering for his son's friend.

Nat cheers loudly as the curtain falls bringing Edd and Kevin out of their thoughts, "Woo," he continues to clap as he turns back around, "She nailed it, what do you think Barr?" He reaches over and roughly taps Kevin on the shoulder in his excitement.

"I think it's in the bag man," Kevin replied fondly remembering the past and how energetic Nat has always been.

"Damn straight, the crown is as good as hers," he knew Edina deserved it, but the bonus of getting to see Rave happy about it was a perk.

"Quite right," Edd added, "None of the other girls can hold a candle to her."

"She's had some great teachers after all," Nat's phone chimes as he was talking notifying him of an incoming message. Pulling it out of his pocket he swipes his thumbprint along the pad to unlock it and reads the message, holding up his finger as he speaks, "If you two will excuse me, the ladies need me."

Before they could give him a response he was up out of his chair and heading toward the stage door to meet the sender of the text. Edd sips on his drink, obviously nervous again about being alone with Kevin, slurping up the last of the contents of the glass. "Do you want another one," Kevin offered motioning for a waiter to come over to their table, "My treat."

"Since you're offering I could use another libation," Edd smiled in embarrassment for having reverted back into his old habit of using big words when he was nervous. Subconsciously it was his way of putting distance between him and those who made him feel awkward, for people don't really like being made to feel intellectually inferior. But why was he feeling nervous again? Was it because they were suddenly alone once more?

The waiter leans down to hear what Kevin was saying, "Coke no ice and a screwdriver," dropping the money on the tray the waiter was carrying.

Edd leans over and asks, "Is there a reason you're not drinking?"

"So, accounting," Kevin dodged the question, "How long have you been doing that."

"Seventeen years now and you're avoiding the question," Kevin looks into Edd's eyes but didn't see annoyance that he had changed the subject, just concern.

"It's complicated," He replied softly.

"With the way Alice was acting earlier I was just wondering if I should be drinking in front of you," Edd began to feel self-conscious about his words, "I mean if you're in recovery I don't have to drink." He didn't want to make Kevin uncomfortable by asking this or by drinking in front of him if he was in fact an alcoholic.

"It's fine Edd, I've been sober for over a decade now, so you don't have to feel bad about enjoying yourself." God that was nerve wracking, if he was feeling this nervous about admitting this to him, how would he ever be able to tell him about his other addiction.

"I'm glad you're better now and no longer an alcoholic."

"I still am, I just don't drink because I've realized that I can't control it." It's always been kind of frustrating for him that people don't understand this concept, "Think of it like smokers who have quit then start up again because something bad happened in their lives. It's not like they were looking for an excuse to start again, it's just in their frustration they turn to the one thing that has helped them to calm their nerves in the past, but now their hooked again. The same thing can happen to me, but my consequences are more instantaneous then lung cancer because I make bad choices when I am drunk."

The waiter delivers their drinks and places the cocktail in front of Kevin and gave the Coke with ice to Edd. He slides the non-alcoholic drink to Kevin as he takes his own away from him as Kevin had been looking at the glass like it was a snake that was about to bite him. He takes a sip, swallowing the bitter liquid before sitting the glass down and away from Kevin, thinking to himself that maybe it was still best not to drink anymore tonight. "So, social worker? That has to be frustrating work."

Kevin furrowed his brow, a deep frown etched upon his face as he answered, "It can be when the foster parent only thinks of the kid as a paycheck." His expression softened as he continued to speak, "But when you work with a family that really wants to protect these kids and give them a better life that it becomes all worth wild."

Edd couldn't help contemplating some of the things that Kevin has probably seen in his work, the degree of abuse or neglect a child must go through before anyone notices and CPS gets involved. "It must be heartbreaking some of the things you've seen," his own brows furrowing as his thoughts continued to dwell on the subject.

"Yeah," Kevin shakes away the thoughts concerning some of his worst cases, "But enough about work, So, um, before we came inside you were telling me that Eddy's son was thinking about joining the military. Which branch is he thinking about enlisting in?"

"Damien is considering the Navy," Edd pulls out his phone and brings up Eddy's Facebook page, showing him a recent family picture, "He's graduating next year, but has already started talking to a recruiter."

Kevin looks at the photo and smiles, "The boys look like their mother," in the professionally done photo Damien, Jim and Eddy stood behind the lady of the house who was sitting in a leather armchair.

"But Damien's got his chin and Jim his nose," he pointed to the picture.

"Yeah but they've got their mother's eyes and cheek bones," he hands back the phone, "The Navy should be a good carrier for him, I bet Eddy's just bursting with pride."

"He is but Rose is already missing him."

Kevin gives him a curious look, "Rose?"

"Ed's daughter," he stated and shows Kevin a recent picture of the two, "They literally grew up together, as the story goes they fell in love with each other when they were babies and have been inseparable ever since." It was apparent to Kevin that they meant a lot to each other just from that one picture, "They're getting married before he leaves for basic."

But he was confused, "Didn't Ed have a son though?"

"Nope, daughter," he replied as fond memories of Rose and Damien running up to Nat and him hand in hand when they came to visit, calling out for their uncles, hoping that they had candy in their pockets.

But Kevin was pretty sure that he had seen photos of a son on Facebook years ago, when the kids were in elementary school. The photo that Kevin is thinking about is one of many family cookouts the three long-time friends had together with their respective families. Edd and Nat were sitting together at the picnic table, it was in the summer of their fourth year together. Eddy, his wife and two children on one side, Damien looked to be about seven and Jim five, and Ed, May and their son, who also looked to be seven, were on the other end. "But I could have sworn," he tried to argue the point.

"I can assure you that he has a daughter."

If Kevin's memory had been just a little bit better he would have remembered that the boy that he was recalling had the same color hair and eyes that Rose does, "But."

He locks his phone and gives him the side eye, "Daugh-ter." It was apparent that Kevin had given up, realizing that he wasn't going to get the clarification that he sought, "So how about you, did you have any children?"

"Uh, no, I never had kids," he replied as the small pain of regret turned in his stomach.

"Oh, but you were married to Nazz for several years, were you not?"

"Ah well, you know," he rubbed the back of his neck, "It's probably for the best anyways. The kid would have disowned me for half the shit I would have put them through," he was referring to his addictions. But only god could say if he would have made the same choices if he had a child in his life, maybe parental responsibility would have kept him sober, it would have also kept him married and miserable as well.

The last portion of the show began as Anita takes the stage while Edd leans over so that Kevin could hear him over the speakers, "I think you would have made a wonderful father." Kevin couldn't help the blush that spread across his cheeks at the sensation of Edd's breath against his neck and ears, it smelt of booze, but god did it feel good.

Once the show was over and Edina crowned, both Rave and Nat left the bar to go and talk more over a cup of coffee at a local Ma and Pa dinner most of the bars patrons frequented. Also, now that the prize had been won, Alice and Kev had to call it a night as well, so that they could get back home to their son, leaving the group no recourse but to call it an evening. Kevin said his farewells to Edd and the others, quietly thanking Alice for the deception that gave him this closure before driving home for the night. Hopping into his bed he began scrolling through his Facebook feed looking over the photos that had been posted. They were the proof that he would need in the morning that this night had in fact happened and hadn't all been a dream, and that he had taken the first steps in reconciling with a person very dear to him.


	14. Disconnected

Love Looks Not with the Eyes Chapter 14 – Disconnected

 **A/N- Disconnected is sung by Keane**

Kevin had spent the next few weeks waiting patiently for any sign that Edd really did want to continue talking to him and not just being polite that night, suppressing the urge to message him on Facebook. At first, he fought an internal battle with himself, telling himself that it would look too desperate if he contacted him too soon. That conflict then shifted into the fear that Edd was probably going to ignore any message sent by him, since he hadn't contacted him either. Finally settling into the realization that it had been too long without either of them making contact and that he had probably missed his opportunity for real reconciliation. That the night of the pageant was probably the only time they would get to talk, and that he was only being polite when he friended him on Facebook.

Sunday March Twelfth started like any other day, he would get up out of his bed and scroll through his Facebook feed as he walked into the kitchen in his underwear to make himself some coffee. Usually reading some post that contained friendly banter between Edd, Rave, Nat and Alice on one of Edd's post. Last night the man had taken a selfie using the dog Instagram filter, giving him the cute ears and nose, he was wearing a Courage the Cowardly Dog t-shirt with the hashtag of rock out with your dork out. Alice had asked him in her comment, "Where are you going all dressed up?"

"To the store," he replied simply, "Do you need anything?"

"A bottle of Advil and some wine," she responded.

Nat's comment was next, "A box of condoms, a big bottle of lube and some handcuffs."

"Nat," Rave responded.

"Damn, now **James** knows what I have planned for him," Nat replied with a kissing emoji at the end.

"I'm not going to that type of store **Nat,** " Edd chided him, "And you good sir, should act like a gentleman to **James**."

Nat responded with a gif of Mommy dearest that said, "Don't ever use that tone of voice with me missy." From there it spiraled into a back and forth between the two of them as they sent funny gifs to each other for the next ten replies. Until Alice told the two of them to behave themselves to which Nat replied with a yes mommy and the conversation ends.

Walking back into his living room, he sits his phone and coffee down on the end table next to his recliner and turns on his T.V. to watch the morning news, catching the end of some crazy church lady's rant, "That there is only one true path to god."

The things Father O'Malley had brow beaten into his head back when he was a child started to swim around in his mind as the report continued, "But there are those in this small community who would stand up for these students."

The information on the bottom of the screen read, James Harrison president of the local PFLAG chapter. "We feel that every student at Peach Creek High School has the right to take whoever they want to prom and that they should feel safe doing so. That the right to love and be happy is not only afforded to the majority but to every citizen of this community."

His phone rings and starts to vibrate on his end table bringing his attention away from the T.V., picking it up he sees the picture of who was calling on the screen and swipes to answer the phone, "Hey Alice, what's up?"

"Tell me you're watching this?" He could hear Alister in the background playing.

"Yeah, and its fucking bullshit," he replied as he turned off his T.V. and switched the phone to his other hand so he could pick up his coffee and take a drink.

Her voice was muffled for a moment as she spoke to her son, "Please don't do that Alister, your pancakes aren't projectiles."

The child's reply coming through loud and clear, obviously she has moved her hand from the mic on her phone, "They're destructo discs Alice and Kev is Frieza," the sound effects started up again in the background as he continued to play.

"He sounds like he's having fun."

"Yes, he is," she said and he could feel her giving the boy who was probably tossing another pancake at Kev the side eye. "So, what are we going to do about this BS?"

"I don't know, but PFLAG looks like they have it under control," he responded unsure what they could really do.

"You know as well as I do that if she gets enough parents complaining to the schoolboard that they will have no choice but to fold under the pressure."

"You know I have this sneaking suspicion that you're already working on a plan," he pulls out a cigarette and lights it.

He could hear the smile in her voice as she responded, "You know me all too well sir," he hears a noise like something falling right before Alice says sternly but not in a loud voice, "Alister, please stop playing with your food and eat."

The boy apologizing softly, "Sorry."

And Kev reassuring him, "It's alright buddy, no harm done."

She takes a moment to collect herself before continuing, "Where was I, oh yes I've realized that we can't control what the schoolboard does, but maybe we can offer the kids an alternative to prom. So I'm asking you to get ahold of your friends at the community center and ask them if they might be willing to spare some volunteers to help us out. Then I would like for you to get ahold of Edd and bring him on board this little project."

A little ball of nerves formed in his stomach at the idea, "You're closer to."

She cuts him off, "Kevin, I couldn't help but notice that you're not making much of an effort in reconnecting with him. You don't join in on our conversations and If I was a betting woman I would say that you probably haven't talked to him since that night, am I right?" He didn't answer her, but that was all the confirmation she needed, "Are your self-doubts about the situation that bad, where's that confidence I know you have?"

"You already know what happened to it," years of mental abuse by his parents, his reconditioning at the hands of the church, coupled with his depression and PTSD after what happened to Plank, along with the alcoholism and drug addiction, have all stripped him of the confidence he had in his youth.

"Well, now you have a valid reason to message him and not feel like a stalker," he appreciated what she was doing for him, but god this would mean that he would actually have to initiate a conversation with him. "It's his son's school, so you know he's going to want to be involved in this, and you are the concerned friend who is offering to help him. Do you understand what I'm trying to say here? Can you think of any better way to break down the walls that are still up between you two?"

"Alright I get it, I'll message him as soon as I get out of the shower, just text me the details of what you want him to do," he butts the cigarette in the ashtray and stands to head to his bathroom.

"Ok, I'll send it to you."

"And Alice," she hums to prompt him to continue, "Thanks."

"No problem, I'm happy to give you the swift kick to the rear that you always seem to need." They say their goodbyes and he ends the call as he walks into the bathroom, reaching behind the curtain he turns on the shower to allow the water to get warm before he steps in. He took care of his hygienic and physical needs under that hot water, finding a lengthy text message from Alice on his phone after he gets dress, giving him a rough draft of her idea and what she would require from Edd.

Opening the messenger app on his phone he finds Edd's name and types out a quick greeting, "Hey, what's up?" Jesus, couldn't you put a little more effort into it, what a way to start a conversation with someone, or was he just over thinking everything because it was Edd?

Within seconds Edd has read the message and is beginning to type out a response, "Hey you, it's been a minute."

Kevin felt a little stupid now for having been so cautious before, "Yeah, sorry about that. I've been kind of busy lately," he lied.

"I know what you mean, work and the parents have been gobbling up most of my time recently," that's right his father still wasn't doing very well and he has probably been helping them out in his spare time.

"Are you free to talk now? I'm not bothering you at work, am I?"

"It's Sunday, Kevin, I'm off today," oh right duh, Kevin mentally smacks himself. "Did you see the news this morning?"

"Yeah," the ending of that woman's rant running through his head again.

"So, tell me what Alice needs me to do," damn he was as sharp as a knife.

"You saw that coming, did you?"

"It was kind of obvious," he replied and then continues to type, "I knew that I would be getting a call from her or someone that she knew the instant I saw that woman on the news."

"Ok, well, she wants to know if you are free next weekend. She wants to get a group of us together to help iron out the details of her plan."

"I should be free that weekend, do you have any idea what she has in mind?"

"She wants to come up with a free alternative to the prom for the kids, something to show support for the LGBTQ students, and she needs your help putting together a budget for what we will need to make that happen."

"Let her know that I will be happy to help out in any way that I can," yes, he was going to get to see him again, "So is that all you texted me for?"

Oh shit, no don't be pissed Edd, "No," was he upset that he hasn't contacted him until now? And from his point of view it probably looked like the only reason he had texted him this time was to talk about Alice's plans, "I also wanted to know if you still wanted to go get that coffee when you're in town?" God, how lame can you be, coffee really, why don't you ask him out to dinner you moron, oh right that would be extending his reach a little too far under the current mood between them.

"I would be glad to, there's this nice place down in the highlands I like."

"A lotta Latte?"

"That's the one," maybe there was hope for this little coffee date after all, "Then we can walk down to the Omniverse to see Ed and the kids."

No, no, no, no, not one of your best friends Edd, he probably still hates his guts for what he did, why Edd why do you have to do this to him, is it some form of passive aggressive torture or revenge. "Sure, sounds like a blast," yeah it will probably be as much fun as sand blasting his nuts clean. He can see it now, the gentle giant will probably go all John Wayne Gacy on his ass and the authorities will find his corpse under the floorboards of his store years later after the rats have picked his bones clean.

"Cool, I'm sure they will be happy to see you have all these years," yeah happy, happy he gets another chance to neuter him.

"I can hardly wait."

"If you would prefer not to go, we can find something else to do," nice, there was his out.

But he knew if he was going to have any hope of staying in Edd's life, regardless of the degree he was in it, he needed to face the music and his friends eventually, "No, it's cool, I'm looking forward to it."

"Alright, I'll let them know to expect us on Saturday then. You're going to love Rose," it was funny how much Kevin could feel the proud uncle vibes coming from the message, "She's such a sweetheart, Damien on the other hand can be just like his father, but she keeps him in line for the most part."

He was smiling at the image in his head of Rose scolding Damien, "They sound like quite the pair." Even though he didn't know the two children, he was certain that they had a little bit of their parent's personalities instilled in them.

"They are."

"So do you want to call me when you get into town? Or do you just want to meet up at Alice's?" He was looking for a way to get Edd's number from him, he knew he could voice chat on Facebook, but there is something a little more intimate, more permanent, about having someone's number.

"Let's just plan on meeting there." Damn shot down, well he just needed to be patient, they were after all, still in an awkward phase with each other.

"Alright, well I'll see you then."

"See you," he sits down his phone after reading Edd's last message, looking forward to the end of this coming week, and hoping that nothing would come in-between them and their little get together.


	15. This is Dedicated to the One I Love

Love Looks Not with the Eyes Chapter 15 – This is Dedicated to the One I Love

 **A/N- Dedicated to the One I Love is sung by the Mamas & Papas. For the other half of what is going on in this part of the story arch please read chapters 85 and 86 of Loves Fool. And for those who don't know Siouxsie is pronounced Susie.**

It took the school board of Peach Creek the rest of the week to come to a decision on the case that the concerned parents of the town and Alice's biological mother had brought before them. But by Thursday they had announced their ruling on the subject in what they felt was a compromise for both parties involved. The two Democrats upon the board along with the one Independent were hard pressed to get a ruling where the students could bring whoever they wanted with them to the prom. But it came at a price, all public displays of affection would be strictly monitored for and forbidden to all those who attended. Several rules regarding how the students were to interact during dancing were also placed into effect for the event. Students bodies would remain at a distance of at least six inches apart at all times, hands were to remain in appropriate areas where dancing was concerned, and never to go below the hips. Try as they might, they could not find a compromise concerning one thing however, and ruled that everyone attending the prom had to come in clothes appropriate to the gender they were assigned to at birth, no exceptions.

Alice had been expecting this, with the Republican's hard stance against LGBTQ rights, as they passed Jim Crow like laws in many conservative states trying to undermine people's rights and marriage equality. And in many cases, they had specifically targeted gender identity as they wrote these laws. With the expectation that they would once again deny the rich cultural diversity that is the very foundation of what America is supposed to be, she had not paused in her plans and was well on her way to seeing them come to fruition.

Back at Peach Creek High an outcry was heard by the staff as the group of girls who had supported Eddy had let their opinion on this ruling be known with a day of silence, refusing to answer when they were called upon in class. Handing the teacher of their class a note that respectfully explaining that this was their way to peacefully protest the injustice that had been shown their fellow classmates. And in turn each of them were sent to the principal's office to be dealt with, earning them a day in detention for their troubles, since they still refused to talk to him. This of course had the opposite intended effect upon the girls, instead of reflecting upon what the adults thought they had done wrong, they schemed and plotted to see what more they could do to show their support.

Saturday had finally arrived, and in his excitement Kevin had arrived early to Alice's home in Summerville, pulling his vehicle into her drive to park behind Kev's car. He could hear the low hum of music on the other side of the door as he reached for the doorbell to let them know that he was here. Alice opening the door a moment later to greet him with a warm smile and a hug, "Thank you for coming," Spellbound by Siouxsie and the Banshees coming from the stereo in the living room.

"No problem," he replied as he tightly squeezed her in the hug before releasing it and walking in, "Is everyone already here?" He looks into the living room and sees Kev and Rave entertaining Alister as the three of them playfully danced to the music.

Turning back to her he could see the knowing look in her eyes as she replied and closed the door behind him, "No, Nat and Edd have just gotten off the interstate and are almost here." A feeling of triumph for having beaten Edd there was mixed with the pang of having to wait a little while longer before he could see him again. "Go on," she gives him a light shove, "Go say hi to everyone in the kitchen, they'll be here soon enough."

Stepping through the door he sees a few familiar faces, some of them were blasts from the past, as well as some new people he did not know. Extending his hand to the man at the counter, "How's it going George?"

He takes his hand and gives it a casual shake, "Not too bad Kevin, and you?" The man was in his late forties and wore brown slacks and a short sleeve button up dress shirt, he was bald on the top of his head with grey short hair around the sides and back.

"Can't complain," he replies and releases his grip then looks at the couple in the breakfast nook, "Tim, Derek," giving them a nod in greetings, they were both casually dressed in blue jeans and t-shirts

Tim responded with a simple, "Barr," as an acknowledgment of his existence, Derek gives him a weak apologetic smile. The two former classmates were never close in high school as Kevin had considered Tim a bit of a bully and Tim had thought of Kevin as a tool and only gave him respect because he was their teams captain. Their relationship never did improve over the years, even with their common friendship with Alice, the best they could accomplish was an uneasy tolerance for each other.

Turning to his left he introduces himself to Maria, a Latin American woman in her mid-thirties and her wife Alex, a Caucasian woman closing in on her forties. Both of the ladies were wearing t-shirts, leather jackets with blue jeans and chaps, leading Kevin to assume that they were the owners of the Harley that was parked out front.

The doorbell rings and was quickly answered by Alice who greeted her guests with some light conversation at the door before escorting them into the kitchen followed by Rave. "Most of you already know Edd and Nat," she taps each of them on the shoulder as she said their names for those who did not, then points to Alex, Maria and George to round off introductions. Edd glances over at Kevin and gives him a warm smile before walking over to take the inside seat of the breakfast nook on the opposite side of Tim, greeting both men like they were old friends. Rave takes the seat next to him while Nat pulls up a fold out chair to sit at the end of the table next to Rave. This left Kevin to stand at the counter next to George, separated from the rest of the Peach Creek High alumni. The look Tim was giving him was practically begging him to wipe that smug expression from his face, preferably in a nonviolent way of course.

"Alright, we all know why we are here," Alice looks around the room at each of them, receiving a nod as confirmation, "To let you all know, I already have the venue booked for that night, all that's left is to iron out the details."

"How much is that going to cost us?" Edd asks, "So I can put it into our figures."

"The owners donated it's use for us," she replied, she had originally not want to ask anyone for such a large favor. But in her quest to find a suitable location, had discovered that most of places in Peach Creek that offered a space big enough for what they needed wanted anywhere from two-hundred to three-hundred dollars per hour the space was in use.

Rave asks, "How did you pull that off?"

"Relatives of our old friend," a pang of guilt shot through her for having used her friendship with Plank in such a way.

"OH," he mouthed as he had connected the dots, "Yay, I get to break out my skates."

Alex speaks up, putting the topic back in the direction it needed to go, "Alice, I just wanted to say that the local chapter of the D.O.B. is ready to provide security, and to chaperon the event if you need us to."

"Thank you, and please extend my thanks to the members of your club for their support," she turns her attention back to Rave, "And you're going to DJ the event, so no skating for you." She softly laughs at the crestfallen look upon her friends face as he whines, then turns her attention to the men at the counter, "How is it going on your end George?"

"I've already talked to the performers at the Dock and asked them to spread the word, as well as having hung up signs at all the local gay and lesbian bars asking for volunteers," his voice dies off a little, showing his meek side, "All we can do now is wait."

"I'll give you a big discount on catering the event," Derek said drawing everyone's attention to him, "Anything that you order will be done at cost."

Edd who had been taking notes taps Derek's forearm with the eraser of his pencil, "If you could please send me an itemized bill, it would be greatly appreciated."

"I get why everyone else is here," Tim says in mild annoyance, then motions toward Kevin, "But what's big red CPS man doing here?"

Derek silently chided his husband for his outburst as Alice answered, "He is here to coordinate with everyone involved, to give us all suggestion on how to make this a safe and enjoyable experience for the kids." She saw that her statement had silenced Tim, but had to get that playful last jab in, "And how about you Tim, how are you contributing?"

"I'll be coordinating the building and set up of the decorations," he replied in a defeated tone, once again she was using his handyman skills.

"Exactly," she said in a soothing voice, "We all have something to contribute here," then eyeballs Nat, "Even if it is just supporting others as they contribute."

"Oh, I'm just here to help bring in the money," he replied, knowing he could get on the horn right now and smooth talk some of the places his work does business with into a tax-deductible donation to the local LGBTQ community center. To help fight the social injustice they have no doubt seen on the news recently, he would ensure them that their money would be put to good use providing these kids with a safe place to be who they are on prom night. As well as supporting the community center so they could provide more services to the youth of the community, it would be a win-win for all those involved, especially the kids.

"Speaking of money, Edd," she calls out bringing his attention to her, "Could you estimate how much we might need?"

"Since we don't have to pay for the venue, a DJ, or sound equipment, we have saved ourselves a considerable sum. But until Tim and Derek can give me their estimated costs for the food and decorations, I cannot be one-hundred percent sure." She prayed to god in heaven to give her the strength not to kill the anal-retentive man before her and he continued, "B-but I would guess that three to four thousand should safely get us what we want. Of course, that all depends on the complexity and quality of what we purchase."

"Thank you Edd, we will take that into consideration," she eyes Tim and Derek, "Won't we boys," and they nod in agreement."

"Also, Derek," Kevin addressed the man, "I know everyone likes to have punch at these types of events, but I would suggest we stick to sealed containers." He answered the questioning look everyone was giving him, "We don't want to give some misbehaving teenager the opportunity to spike the punch and bring down legal repercussions on us. Let's not give the haters anymore ammo to use against us then they already have, you get me?"

"Thank you Kevin, that is a great suggestion," she smiled and patted him on the back, "If anyone else thinks of any question or has any suggestions regarding the safety of the kids please run them by Kevin."

"Yes, please get with me before you leave, and I'll be happy to give you my number," he announced, and Alice gave him a side eyed glance that read his ulterior motive behind that statement.

But she supported him, "Everyone should feel free to exchange numbers, that way Kevin or myself are not solely responsible for delivering messages."

"I have a question," Maria halfway raised her hand, "Who is going to be responsible for getting the word out to the kids at the school?"

"We're going to leave that in the capable hands of Edd's son and his fiancé, their group of friends should know who would be interested and who not to invite." She responded, "Edd will email them all the details once we have it all ironed out. Also, I would like everyone to think of a theme for the event and email me your ideas, we have a month to get this ready, so please send them to me by next week so we can have plenty of time to make this happen."

Alister runs into the room and tugs on Alice's shirt, "Mama."

She looks down at the young child, her heart still bursting with joy that he had decided to start calling her mom, "Yes little one," her warm smile greeting him.

"Are you ready yet?" He looked nervously excited, "I want to play in the bouncy house."

"Yes darling, we will be leaving shortly," she squats down and ruffles his hair, "So why don't you go have daddy help put your shoes on."

He rushes off into the hall with an excited squeal, grabbing his shoes from beside the door then running into the living room calling out, "Daddy, daddy help me, please." In his excitement he tosses the small footwear into Kev's lap then drops to the floor, sticking his feet up into the air so Kev could reach them.

"Thank you everyone for coming, but it looks like my time is up for today," she stands and looks at the group who were already getting their things ready to leave. Leading them all to the door and saying her farewells to each of them as they stepped out of her house. The group stood in her front yard for a few moments as they exchanged numbers, Kevin gave Maria and Alex his business card before saying a quick goodbye to George, Derek, Nat and Rave. He stood patiently off to the side waiting on Edd who was casually conversing with Tim and Derek, probably taking over the business end of this venture, as Nat and Rave walked past him towards Nat's car to go on a date of their own.

Edd says his final goodbyes to the couple and walks toward Kevin, Tim giving the red head a stern look once Edd's back was turned towards him. "You ready to go," he asks as he comes to stand beside him.

Kevin's heart was filled with relief now that he was sure that Edd wasn't going to just give him some lame excuse as to why he couldn't go today, "Yeah."

He leads the man to his car and politely opens the passenger door for him, "My, what a gentleman," Edd said jokingly as he took his seat. Oh, my dear Edd, you are going to see that chivalry isn't dead tonight, that is if Kevin has anything to say about it.

With a pep in his step that he hasn't felt in years, he walks over to the drive side and gets into the car, "So are you still only interested in coffee, or have you thought of someplace else you would like to go today?"

"Remember, we have to go see Ed and his family later, so let's just say we will see how the evening goes before we make any further plans," he gives him a sincere smile.

"Ok, sounds like a plan," he turns on the car and backs out of the drive, hoping that the night would go well and that they would be spending a lot more time together then they had originally planned for.


	16. Bulletproof

Love Looks Not with the Eyes Chapter 16 – Bulletproof

 **A/N- Bulletproof is sung by La Roux. "Been there, done that, messed around. I'm having fun, don't put me down. I'll never let you sweep me off my feet. This time baby, I'll be Bulletproof."** **P.S.- had to switch up my release rotation for Loves Fool and this one due to timeline issues.**

Like all major cities Summerville is sectioned off into districts, a status symbol of sorts if you would, where you are from says a lot about who you are to some people. For example, those from the east side were all thought of as upper middle-class to the lower high-class of society. The maintained streets of this side of town were all lined with big houses, well-kept lawns which were safely kept in a gated community with their security guards standing watch. In stark contrast are those who live in the west end, people who society looks down upon as impoverished, each small house containing a family that works from paycheck to paycheck for what little they have. Shop fronts covered in graffiti, their doors bared at night by rolling metal gates, a smelly polluting factory practically in everyone's backyard.

Then you have Old Summerville and the Highlands, which were both considered the gay villages of the city. Old Summerville with its early 19th century three story brick homes and tree lined streets, the majority of which have been converted into small apartments meant for couples who did not have children. And then there's the Highlands, and its locally owned businesses that lined a good stretch of Cherry Tree Road that sits right outside of the 409 acers that is Autumn Park. The homes and apartment buildings surrounding this area where of the early 20th century architectural design. The little wooden framed homes with their painted wood siding, the well-manicured front yards with their beautiful flower beds, the fenced in back yards with their aboveground pools and tacky lawn furniture.

This area of town is where Kevin is currently driving to with Edd safely buckled up in the passenger seat of his car, looking out of the window at the buildings passing them by. He has been texting back and forth with his son through the majority of the trip, conveying little tidbits of the conversation to Kevin every now and then. Mostly telling him how excited the two boys seemed to be about the plan they were hatching with Alice. "Sorry," Edd apologized sheepishly when he sees the unintentional frown that was on Kevin's face, locking his phone he puts the device back in his pocket.

"No reason to be sorry D," Kevin waves off the uneasy tension that had quickly formed between them, "You're just as excited as the rest of us."

Edd gives him a weak but embarrassed smile as a thank you for his understanding. The radio is tuned into the local classic rock station where Alice in Chains Nutshell begins to play as they made the right turn onto Cherry Tree Road. "Hmm," Edd hummed quizzically, "When did we get so old that this is now considered classic rock?"

"I don't know man, maybe about five years ago is when I first heard it on here," Kevin pondered, "I was wanting to listen to some Zeppelin or Joplin, but found that Metallica was playing instead. I was confused at first, thought I just had tuned into the wrong station, but I tell you I fucking nearly died when they said classic rock at the end of the song."

Edd teased as he turned his gaze to the driver, "From a heart attack or stroke?"

"Both I think," Kevin replied, giving him a side eyed glance with a soft grin gracing his lips.

"Yeah, it is a hard pill to swallow when you finally realize that you are now your parents," Edd mussed tuning back to look out of the window.

Kevin replies calmly in mild defense, "I'm nothing like my parents," though the statement tasted bitterly like a lie in his mouth, for he did after all hold many of the same values that they did. He still held a firm grip to the faith he was brought up in as a child, even though certain individuals with in it had mentally abuse him due to his sexuality. He also still held family above all others, he might be avoiding going to family reunions or holiday get togethers, as he was trying to keep his interaction with his extended family to a minimum due to their political and religious views. But he still loved his parent's and believed that they would always be there for him, that they could always work out their differences regarding most things. His sexuality being the exception and the one thing he wanted to keep from them, for he could not stomach the idea of having to cut them out of his life or being removed from theirs.

"If you say so," Edd says sarcastically, knowing full well that we are the products of the environment in which we grow up in. Kevin lets out a single unamused chuckle as he begins to parallel park in a space on the side of the road just a short distance passed A Lotta Latte. Both men getting out of the car once it was park, Kevin felt a little defeated that Edd hadn't waited for him to open the car door for him. It might be old fashioned, it might be viewed as silly in some people's eyes, but it is the small thing that you do for others that tells them that you are thinking about them, and that's what matters the most.

He quickly falls into step with Edd and gently places a hand on his shoulder to guide him away from a near collision with another pedestrian as he was once again texting. Looking up into Kevin's eyes as he puts his phone away again he explains, "I was just letting Ed know that we are almost there."

Great, now the big guy can have his kill room ready for him, he smiles at Edd and adjusts his grip on his shoulder as his anxiety begins to climb. Walking up to the door Kevin slides his hand off Edd's shoulder as he reaches for the handle to hold it open for him. His hand making contact with the back of his neck as he does so, sending a small shiver down Edd's spine at the feel of his rough hands against his skin. "After you," Kevin says making a sweeping motion with his free hand toward the open door.

"Thank you," he replied softly as he takes a step inside, he could still feel the sensation of Kevin's touch on the back of his neck. The interior of the store was quant, the floors were hardwood, the walls were the buildings natural bare brick that was tastefully adorn with hand painted art work. There were six square cherry tables with matching chairs neatly placed so that the customers could sit and talk as they waited for their orders. The counter was made of a glass case that displayed a variety of pastry goods that would go well with the coffee they served. Being past noon on a Saturday the establishment was not as busy as it would be, let say, on a Monday morning at 6am. The two men stood side by side in a comfortable silence as they waited for the pair ahead of them to finish their orders. Edd's shoulder bumping up against Kevin's as he switched his weight from one foot to the other. He made a mental note that Kevin did not withdraw from the contact as most people would do trying to respect peoples personal space.

A vibration in his pocket and the chirp of his phone tells him that he has a new notification and he absentmindedly pulls it from his pocket to check, finding a text from Ed. "Is it from Ed," Kevin asks as he side eyes the device in his hands.

Edd hums affirmatively as he unlocks the phone, giggling at his friend's response, "He says that they are all there waiting on us." They take a step forward coming up to the counter as Edd locks his phone again and places it in his pocket. They placed in their drink orders with Edd getting a scone as he was slightly famished since breakfast had been several hours ago and was nothing more than an Egg McMuffin and hash brown from McDonalds. Retrieving their orders and turning toward the seats Edd asks, "Do you want to sit here or?"

"Oh, we can head on over if you want," Kevin was a little eager to get the awkwardness of meeting Edd's friends again over and done with. "We wouldn't want to keep the big guy waiting, you know," he halfheartedly chuckles as he nervously rubs the back of his neck. They could always spend more time together afterwards and maybe go and have a proper dinner together, that is if this all goes well, but there is no room for second guessing himself now.

"If you're sure," he says as he starts to walk toward the door, he was eagerly looking forward to seeing his friends, his extended family.

"Yeah, it's cool," he replies falling into step behind him, reaching for the door as Edd held it open for him, their hands brushing up against each other as Kevin grabs ahold of it. Stepping back onto the street they made their way the short distance back to the car as Edd munched on his scone, Kevin being a gentleman again and opening the car door for him. On the drive to Ed's store Kevin tried to keep the conversation going and neutral, "Do you think we're going to be able to pull this off without drawing to much attention to ourselves?"

Edd raises a brow, "Could you clarify what you mean."

"Well the place that the school always rents out for prom is some high society private club, it just has a ballroom in it, so that the rich can hold their charity events there. The only reason the school can afford the place is because they get a huge discount from the owner," he motions with his hands on the steering wheel as though ask are you catching on to what I'm saying. When Edd didn't answer but looked like he was pondering something he continued, "They have enough clout and privately-owned acreage to keep the haters fare away from the kids if they went there. We don't, and I'm just afraid that we will be painting a big bullseye on their back."

"But that's why the D.O.B. is going to be there, to keep the kids safe, and I'm going to ask Leslie to see if she can talk to the police chief for us," Edd reassures him, an unsure smile upon his face.

"That's a good idea, it would be great to have the cops there, just in case someone decides to get a little to hateful," Kevin's mind was put a little bit at ease now that he knew that Edd had already thought of this. But his gut still felt uneasy, as though they were about to step on a landmine at any second and all that he would be able to do was watch the fall out. Out of the corner of his eyes he sees the familiar sign of the Omniverse and begins to slow down to make the left turn into their parking lot. The two of them step out of the car and Edd deposits his trash into the can by the door before walking in as Kevin held it open for him. Behind the counter a young woman with strawberry-blonde hair was helping a customer while a young brunette male sat on a stool behind her, mindlessly flipped through some magazine, his back leaning against the wall. Bob Marley was playing over the speakers giving the store some background noise to cut out the silence of the almost empty shop.

Ed comes out from the backroom and around the counter, "Damien, go clean something," he says to the boy as he passes causing him to hop off the stool and drop his magazine on the counter. He walks down the center aisle towards them, "Kevin Barr, you S.O.B.," his sheer size and bulk was menacing by itself, but the look upon his face had doubled the effect. And as Kevin stared down the bull that was charging him, Edd, who was behind him, scurries off to say hello to the kids, leaving him to face his friend by himself. Kevin could not find any words to try and calm the man down, not that they would have come out anyways, as a lump had formed in his throat that stifled any noise he would try and make. He unwillingly flinches as the man nears and draws back his arm, but was surprised when he received a big bear hug instead of a punch to the jaw, "How've you been doing?"

Kevin groans out, "I've been doing fine Lumpy," his back popping from the hug, "How are you?"

"Can't complain," he replies as he deposits him back on the floor, "Ah man, the look on your face," he claps Kevin on the shoulder causing the man to take a few steps forward to regain his balance. "Priceless, you looked like you were about to shit yourself," he laughs and pats Kevin on the shoulder as he does so, making his torso jerk forward with the impact, "I told you I would get him D, didn't I?"

"That you did Ed," he called back to his friend from the counter, having to turn from his conversation with Damien as Rose finished ringing up the customer.

"I wish I had a camera to capture the moment," he wipes a stray tear from his eye, "I almost lost it halfway to you, I mean damn, deer in headlights."

"What can I say," Kevin rubs his shoulder, "You got me man."

He calms his laughter down, "Hey, come on over and meet the family," Ed said as motions him toward the counter.

Kevin says in a quiet voice, "We're cool then? You're not pissed at me?"

Ed gives him a puzzled look as though the answer should already be apparent and shakes his head, "Nah man, that's all in the past. If D's alright with you being in his life again then that's all I need to know," he takes Kevin by the shoulder and starts to lead him to the counter. "He's a grown man and capable of making his own choices and I know he is more than capable of putting you in your place if he needs to, so don't worry about what I think, ok." Stepping up to the counter to where the group of four stood Ed begins the introductions, "You already know my lovely wife," he gives May a gentle kiss to the temple as he comes to stand beside her. She extends her hand to Kevin and greets him, "This is our beautiful daughter, Rose," he motions to the strawberry-blonde girl.

Kevin mussed over her name for a second, Rose Hill, and thought it was a pretty name for a pretty girl, "A pleasure," he says as he gently shakes her hand.

"And this fine young man is my soon to be son-in-law Damien," he claps the boy on the shoulder with the same force he gave Kevin, but the boy barely flinches.

"I wish you many happy years together," Kevin said to the pair earning a skeptical look about his sincerity from Damien and a gentle smile from Rose. They spent the next hour catching up with May and Ed as Damien and Rose weaved in and out of the conversation as they helped customers in the store. The next thirty minutes after that was spent talking to the kids about the plans they had concerning the Peach Creek High Prom, Edd eagerly inviting the pair of teens to come and join them that night. Both parents agreeing that it sounded like it could be fun for them, and decided to show their support for the teens of Peach Creek. Ed offering to put together a few small items as gifts to be given at the door and some that would be raffled off as prizes later that night. Edd was reluctant to accept such a generous gift from his friend, but after many reassurances that their business was doing just fine, Kevin steps in to let them know that the group would be happy to accept their gift.

Shortly after that the afternoon rush of teenagers how have just gotten out of bed begins to fill the store and Edd and Kevin start to window shop to allow their friends to take care of business. Kevin perused the displays of collectable action figures and comic books as Edd looked through the shelves that contained an assortment of B-grade horror movies. Carefully he looks through the selection to see if there were any new or classics that he hasn't yet seen, knowing that Ed has a penchant for finding obscure movies that few people know about. He stumbles across one that he hasn't seen in decades, but that brought back several bitter sweet memories, "I bought a vampire motorcycle," he breaths out with light smile upon his face.

"Whatcha got there," Kevin asks as he comes up shoulder to shoulder with Edd to look at the case he was holding. He was carrying in his own hands a comic book that had the character Spawn boldly drawn on the cover. He absentmindedly puts his arm on Edd's shoulder as he takes the box from him to look at it more closely, "God, that brings back memories."

"Good ones I hope," Edd asks then gives the forearm resting on his shoulder a side eyed glance. The touch wasn't affectionate in its meaning, it just had an air of familiarity around it, like they were old friends reunited.

"Only the best," Kevin replied as he gave him a warm smile and handed him back the DVD case.

"Kevin?" Their attention was drawn to a man standing next to a young boy a few feet from them, "Kevin Barr, is that you?" Kevin's arm slides off Edd's shoulder and he could feel a chasm form between the two of them as Kevin put a good foot of distance between them instinctually, "It's me Terry Baker." Kevin's face twisted in mild recognition as his mind worked out where he has heard that name before, whispering it to himself, "Don't you remember, we played baseball together?"

Rose, who had heard the man call for Kevin witnessed the outcome, shaking her head she clicked her tongue as she saw the unease in Kevin's stance and the distance he now kept from her uncle. "Terry, well god damn, what brings you here," Kevin replies as he takes the man's hand giving it a rough shake.

Edd puts the movie back on the shelf and turns to walk away while Kevin's back was turned to him, "Just bringing my son by to see what we can pick up." Obviously, the man had started late having children with his wife as the boy only looked to be thirteen. "How about you? You here with the kids too?"

"Nah, just feeding my own habits," he replied displaying the comic book in his hand, "You still working at the candy factory with my old man?" Kevin asks as he had recalled the fact that he had heard through the grapevine that Terry had started working there after they had graduated.

"No, I was only there while I went to school, I'm an electrician now," he replies, proud of his trade. His son calls out to him from the displays of comic books a few feet away and Terry turns to look at him then returns his attention to Kevin, "Well it was good seeing you man, we should get together sometime and catch up."

"Yeah, that sounds cool," Kevin says, unsure of the sincerity of the man's offer.

"Find me on Facebook and we'll set something up," he calls out as he walks away waving goodbye, Kevin giving him a small wave of farewell then turns back to where Edd had been standing to find him nowhere around.

He looks around the store peeking over the shelves and spots him at the counter paying for whatever item he had decided to get. Kevin begins to walk over to where he was standing and was passed by Rose who was heading to go help some customers, "Good going slick," she says as she passes him by. He looks at her in mild confusion then proceeds to head towards Edd with his purchase in hand, Edd acknowledges him as he comes to stand next to him with a smile. Taking his change from Damien and retrieving his bag he turns on his heel and walks away so that Kevin could pay for his items. Damien talks to Kevin in a pleasent tone as he rings him up and tells him the price, giving him his receipt and bag he wishes him a nice day just like every other customer he has served, except Edd.

Joining Edd at the door he asks, "So where to next."

"I'm sorry Kevin, but I'm feeling kind of tired all of the sudden," Edd gives him an insincere apologetic look and then continues, "Do you mind dropping me off at my hotel?"

"Yeah, sure, no problem," he replies and opens the door for him, getting the sudden sinking feeling that he has fucked up, but was clueless as to how.


	17. Somewhere Only We Know

Love Looks Not with the Eyes Chapter 17 – Somewhere Only We Know

 **A/N- The song used for the chapter title is sung by Keane.**

That sinking feeling that Kevin had gotten when he had parted ways with Edd that Saturday which had told him that he had fucked up in some way was slowly being confirmed over the course of the next few weeks. Their interactions over Facebook messenger leading up to and about the event they were planning was formal and polite on Edd's part. But whenever Kevin would try and steer the conversation in a more personal and relaxed direction, Edd would claim that he was busy with either personal matters or some important project for work and would quickly log off.

This at first had confused Kevin, for he could not for the life of him figure out what it was that he had done to disrespect Edd so much that it caused him to be this upset with him. Sitting in his living room the week before prom, he racked his brain for clues, attempting to try and figure out what he had done and where everything had gone wrong. Things were going smoothly that day, with light conversation between the two of them as well as Lumpy accepting his presence in Edd's life again. But he could still only ponder on how Edd had perceived these events, delving further to try and make sense of it all. Things didn't seem to take a turn for the worse until his little run in with Terry, and that very short conversation he had with him. Recalling those memories, he could not see anything in what they had been talking about that might give Edd pause and force him to reconsider their reconciliation.

Then there was what Rose had said to him as she passed him by shortly after he parted ways with Terry and the fact that she had been nowhere near them to overhear what had been said. This made him reconsider his physical actions, for body language can be just as hurtful as any words that he had or had not said. Sliding his hand down his face he lets out a heavy sigh as realization hits him on how he had unintentionally hurt Edd. After years of being in the closet, along with the mental abuse and reprogramming at the hands of the priest, and the reinforcement of that belief by his father, his body just acts of its own accord occasionally. Don't be too affectionate to other men, don't show weakness or emotion, keep a socially appropriate distance between you and them and above all else BE A FUCKING MAN.

A slight chill runs up his spin as he recalls the memories that caused his actions that unintentionally hurt Edd. This has been something that he has been working on in his therapy sessions, his therapist pointing out that the self-hate that had been instilled in him by those who were supposed to love him was probably the root cause of his addictions. Plank's death and the PTSD he suffered were the final big push that sent him over the edge to burry all of his emotions in a state of drug induced haze. But with all healing it takes time, and emotional scares sometimes never truly heal all the way.

Picking up his phone he types out a quick message for Edd, "Hey can we talk? Not right now because your probably busy, but at the prom. I have something I really need to tell you in person, so do me a favor and keep a space on your dance card open for me." Hitting send he then opens his contacts and presses a familiar name to hit the call button then patiently waits for the person the other end to answer. Hearing the familiar voice on the other end greet him he musters his resolve for what needed to be done, "Hey Patty Cake, his Teenie there?"

The following Friday was the day of the big event and everyone involved had all taken the day off work to help set up while the kids were still in school. Everyone had been instructed to rendezvous at Edd's ex-wives house so that they could car pool from there up to the location they would be holding the event at. Stepping up to the front door of the house he knocks gently and was greeted by Alice as it swung open and quickly shuffled inside and into the kitchen. This time he appeared to be back to his old ways by being the last one to arrive, as everyone else was either in the dinning room or kitchen drinking coffee and waiting on his slow ass.

Entering the kitchen Alice quickly introduces him to the few people he did not know, which included Edd's ex-wife Leslie and her husband Tony, the pair were sitting at the table with Edd finishing up their morning coffee. "Edd," Kevin calls out softly getting the mans attention, "Can we talk," he motions with his head back to the kitchen door.

Edd gives him a pointed look that told Kevin that he wasn't feeling up to dealing with this at that very moment and Alice catches that look and steps in. "Actually, there's no time for that right now," she takes Kevin by the arm and leads him out of the kitchen, "We're already a little behind schedule waiting on you," she playfully taps him on the cheek as she said the last word.

As they made their way back to the front door, Alice lets everyone in the dining room know that it was time to leave and who they would be riding with. Leading Kevin to her car Alice takes the passenger seat allowing her husband to drive so she could turn around and ask, "So what the hell did you do?"

Kevin looks over at the two ladies who were sharing the backseat with him, looking at him expectantly, awaiting his drama filled explanation. "Don't mind us," Alex said when she saw the nervous smile upon Kevin's face.

"Pretend like we're not even here," Maria added and the two of them turned their gazes away from him.

"Spill," Alice said firmly as she motioned with her hand for him to hurry up already, "Why is Edd giving you a look that can kill?" With a heavy sigh Kevin resigned himself to his fate of telling Alice "Mommy dearest," Anderson the stupid mistake he did out of habit and began to explain. "Are you a total idiot," Alice seethed and both of the ladies in the backseat pursed their lips as they clicked their tongues and shook their heads at him. "First of all, you just had to act like some high school cool kid ashamed to be seen with his dorky friend."

"I know I fucked up," Kevin said defensively.

"Dude, you have no idea," Alex added in a tone of mild amusement.

And Maria contributed, "Queer shaming your friend because you're in the closet," she sighed in disappointment, "How mature."

Kevin took offense to the accusation, "I didn't queer shame him," giving Maria a stern look which earned him an equally intense gaze from Alex.

"Your actions say otherwise," Alice drew his attention away from the two ladies in the back, "You've basically told Edd that you're afraid to be seen with him in public if you're around someone you know. And Edd is probably wondering if you would do this to him if he were straight."

"It's not like that," he replied, still feeling the need to make them understand, "It wasn't because he is gay."

"I know that darling," Alice reassured him, "Because you have never treated any of your other gay friends like that before. So, if I was to guess, I would say that you were probably more afraid that the guy was going figure out that you are attracted to Edd, am I right?" She raises a questioning brow at him and in his shame, he casts his eyes to the floorboard and nods his head in response. She turns back around to sit properly in her seat and breaths out a frustrated sigh, "I already know that you're going to apologize to him, so that doesn't need to be said, just don't get frustrated with him ok, he's got a lot on his mind right now."

Looking back up he asks in a worried tone, "Is something wrong with his father?"

"No, his fathers fine, but he lost his job yesterday."

"What? Why?"

"Something about downsizing, I don't know you'll have to ask him," she motions with her hands to emphasize her ignorance on the topic. With this knowledge Kevin sits back in his seat and allows the topic to drop so he can ponder this new situation, trying to think if he knew anyone that might be able to help Edd find a job in his chosen profession. But even if he could help him, it would probably be in Summerville which left the question to be asked, would Edd be willing to move two hours away from his ailing father for work? He didn't have long to think about this as they had arrived at the roller rink a block away from Peach Creek Dr., simply named the Peach Rink, were Tim and Derek were already bringing in supplies with the help of Tina and Patty.

As the car came to a stop in it's parking space, Kevin looks up at the building a feels a wave of nostalgia as Alice quickly leaps out and makes her way over to her two longtime friends squealing. "Why didn't you tell me you were coming," she squeezes Tina in a tight hug.

"Surprise bitch," she shakes Alice back and forth in that hug.

"How long are you going to be in town," she releases Tina and moved over to hug Patty.

"Just until Sunday," Patty replied.

"We're going to the family reunion tomorrow," Tina added.

Alice leaned back and looked from one to the other curiously and asks, "Both of you?"

Kevin waves to his cousin and her wife as he passes them to head for the trailer that was attached to Tim's truck to start working, picking up a crate he heads into the building giving Tim a simple hey as they pass each other. They had just a little under twelve hours to get the rink ready to receive their guests and no time could be waisted from this point on with all that they had to build and decorate.

Walking into the building carrying his load he stops when he sees a small memorial to the right of the door dedicated to his old friend. In the center picture stood Plank, proudly dressed in his class A uniform and a subtle grin upon his face, the plaque under it read, "In loving memory of DeForest "Plank" Carpenter." The other pictures that surrounded that one was of Plank in his teenage years along side the smiling faces of his friends, a younger Rave being held in a head lock by Plank as Alice looked on with her motherly gaze. Another with the aforementioned friends, along with Kev and two others that Kevin didn't know, the six of them leaning against the brick wall of the high school. Then there was the last picture ever took of Plank alive, he was standing beside Kevin and Taylor as they leaned against the Humvee in their full BDU's, their weapons casually held in their hands pointed downward.

Kevin sets the crate he was carrying on the floor to brush his hand against the picture, feeling a chill run up his spine, "Hey buddy, do me a favor and watch over us tonight."

As he examines the picture several fond memories springing to his mind of happy times and the tomfoolery that they use to get into together that helped form the bonds that lead him and two others to become like family. "Hey slacker," the mother hen of that family called to him as she bumped her shoulder against his, "Pick up the pace why don't you," she looks over at the memorial.

"You know he's getting lazy in his old age," Rave teased and paused when he saw what Kevin was looking at.

Alice clears her throat, "Yeah, well, we've got a lot to do," and once again gently nudges the red head in the shoulder. Both her and Rave kiss their hands and touch the side of the frame of the center picture before moving on to drop off what they were carrying. Kevin takes a few more seconds to quietly pay his respects, finally breaking his gaze to look to his right and at the pair of eyes that were watching him that belonged to Edd. He gives the raven-haired man a weak reassuring smile that he was alright before moving on to do what he needed to be doing. As Edd and Nat pass the small memorial they took a moment to appreciate the person that they had heard so much about from Alice, both understanding that he also meant a lot to Kevin as well.

As Kevin stepped into the main area of the complex his nostalgia increased as the building hadn't changed much since that night he first started talking to Edd. Hell, he wouldn't have been surprised if those were the same benches that they had sat at to talk before leaving this place to walk down Peach Creek Dr. that night to get to know each other better. The only things that looked any different was the fresh coat of pain on the walls and fixtures and the new carpet on the floor, everything else was just like he had remembered it. Stealing a glance over to where Edd was standing, he could see the same look in his eyes and wondered if he was also remembering the good times that they had shared together here, or if some other fond memories of this place was playing in his mind.

Enough reminiscing for one day he told himself as he started to listen to the instruction Tim was giving to the group, he was assigning people to tasks as Alice had left him in charge of the construction of the decorations. The first three hours Kevin spent keeping his mind off things by busying himself with the construction of the small stage the royalty of the evening would be crowned on. Only occasionally looking over to find Edd standing on a ladder hanging hearts, cardboard arrows and little cupids from the ceiling to decorate the area in their theme. The theme was simply love, lending them a wide variety of stories they could depict in their decorations. From the vine covered lattices themed after the balcony scene in Romeo and Juliet to the bistro style tables themed after the lady and the tramp.

It was hard work, but Kevin felt fulfilled as he knew he was giving the younger generation a safe place to enjoy and be themselves in, far from the judgmental eyes that society can cast upon them. It was also nice to work alongside Nat and Rave, to joke with and tease his old friend like they used to do when they were younger. But he was also thankful when first break was called, and he could finally step out for a much-needed cigarette. Taking a bottle of water from the cooler he steps out of the front door followed by Nat and Rave. Glancing around Kevin looks for someplace peaceful to sit and enjoy his nicotine fix and spots Edd sitting by himself under a tree on the edge of the golf course next door. Without a word of goodbye to his companions Kevin picks up his pace to a light jog to head in the direction of the dork, Rave taking the hint leads Nat to a bench a few feet from the door. Nearing Edd, Kevin slows down to a walk to come to a stop just a few feet from him, "Is this seat taken?"

He had apparently startled the man out of his thoughts as he had jump just slightly from his sudden question, looking up at him with embarrassment clearly on his face, "Um, no."

Kevin takes a seat next to Edd and leans his back against the tree, taking a big drink of his water before putting the cap back on and lighting a cigarette. "Edd, I'm sorry for the bull shit that happened the other week," Edd lets out a single breathy laugh in disbelief then looks away biting on his thumb to help hold his tongue. "I'm not asking you to forgive me, because I know what I did was fucked up, but it wasn't intentional by no mean," Kevin was starting to nervously ramble.

"What's your point Kevin," Edd softly snaps out.

"That I wasn't ashamed of you," he replied in a meek tone.

"You sure fooled the fuck out of me," Edd kept his voice low but there was still a mild harshness to his tone.

"I wasn't," Kevin pressed, "I was ashamed of myself." Edd looks at him with a dumbfounded expression as Kevin continues to explain, "I wasn't afraid that he was going to figure out that you're gay, if he had, and had an issue with who you are he would have had me to deal with," his voice was strong and sure but suddenly turned meek and timid, "I was worried that he was going to figure me out, and I'm sorry but that terrifies me sometimes,"

"So, because I'm gay that obviously means he's going to know your sexuality, is that it?" Edd's brows were furrowed as he tried to figure out what Kevin was getting at, "Guilt by association?"

"No Edd," the pace of Kevin's words quickens as he needed to get this out before Edd could interrupt again. "No, I was afraid that he was going to notice how much I," he pauses looking for the right nonthreatening word to use as he looks into Edd's eyes which were imploring him to continue, "That I like you and figure me out that way." Shit, well he can't take that back now, he might not have said love, but his statement did imply that he still had feelings for Edd and he half expect the dork to stand up, call him every horrible name in the book then walk away laughing at his broken heart. It's what he deserved after what he did to him all those years ago, and if the shoe was on the other foot he probably would do the same.

But Edd did not move and his words became soft, "Why does that scare you exactly?"

"My family I guess," was his reply but he didn't need to guess, he knew that it was exactly that.

Edd tries to muffle a scoff as he looks away, "After what they have done to you, I don't know why you still want them in your life."

"Edd," Kevin said softly to draw his attention back to him, "Do you honestly think that every word that comes out of their mouths is homophobic hatred?" Edd didn't answer him but looked ashamed at his assumption, "Sure when everything went down between us it was terrible for a while, but they got over it and things went back to normal. Especially after the war and after I got control over my addiction we really got close again, it's almost like old times." Kevin's cynical side always thought this only happened because they came to realize how close they had come to really losing him.

"But your still hiding form them," Edd said, his eyes imploring him to help him understand this.

"Alright Edd, do me a favor and think about what family really means to you," Kevin pauses to allow Edd to ponder this for a moment. Family means love, support, caring, understanding and a helping unquestioning hand when you need it. It also means fights and petty arguments with siblings and parents that are forgiven and forgotten a week or month later. Just like marriage vows, families are there in sickness and health, richer or poorer, the good, the bad and the down right ugly times. For example, you might be fighting with your brother over some stupid shit, but if some asshole threatens you, you know you can count on him to step up and put that person in their place for you. That is what family means, "Now imagine losing that instantly, sad right? It's the same reason that makes Tina go to those stupid family reunions without Patty, knowing that her parents are homophobic, and that's also why little Anthony was so afraid of coming out."

"But," Edd stammered, "What about your happiness?"

"Who says I'm not happy?" Edd couldn't answer that, who is to tell one person that their standard is the only standard to live by, who was Edd to tell Kevin that he could only truly be happy if he came out and risked losing everything he has known. "Well Edd," Kevin flicks his cigarette away, "I know I said I wouldn't ask you to forgive me, but do you?"

Edd didn't even have to think about it, "Yes, your forgiven," he was just glad that Kevin had owned up to his mistake and asked for forgiveness.

"I would have done this sooner, but I felt it needed to be said in person and not over some app," he motions with his hand to emphasizes his point. Climbing to his feet with a groan, he dusts off the dirt from his backside then offers Edd a helping hand, "So, are you free tomorrow?"

Edd cocks a questioning brow at him once he was standing, "You know I lost my job, so, obviously I am."

"I'm sorry to hear about that by the way."

"It's no big deal, I'll find another," Edd waved it off, "So why do you want to know if I am free?"

"Oh, I don't know," Kevin was looking off into the distance over the rolling hills of the golf course as the memory of the two of them laying under one of these trees staring up at the night sky enters his mind for a moment, "I just wanted to see if you wanted to go somewhere with me." A remembered embrace as he kept Edd warm that chilly October night while he slept under the stars, and Kevin whispered a familiar poem in his ear.

"Where?" Edd asked as he started walking toward the building.

"Here."

"I have no place to stay," Edd rebutted.

"I'm sure your son will let you crash," Kevin countered.

"You assume a lot good sir," Kevin smiled that he was catching on, "But I have nothing to wear."

"I'll buy you something."

"I drove down here with Nat."

"I'll take you home."

"You're not going to take no for an answer are you," Edd huffed, stopping in his tracks to cross his arms and look at Kevin sternly.

Kevin smiled again and shook his head, "Nope, so come on and just say yes already."

"Fine," Edd exclaimed, dramatically throwing open the door, "But your buying my food."

"Deal," Kevin laughed out at the dorks shenanigans and followed him into the building, hoping that tomorrow would not be half as bad as he feared it was going to be.

 **A/N- I apologize for the huge delay guys, but for those who do not know I am currently working five twelve hour shifts at my new job, which after my commute there and back plus eight hours of sleeping only leaves me with two hours a day to myself to eat and shower and such. So, until after Christmas I will only be able to work on my stories on my days off, so you can only expect one chapter in one story per week.**


	18. Open Your Eyes

Love Looks Not with the Eyes Chapter 18 – Open Your Eyes

 **A/N- The song for this chapter is by Snow Patrol. For those who are not aware, white lady is one of the street names for heroin. The KevEdd pair from Loves Fool will be referred to in this chapter as Junior or Double D and Anthony for Kevin.**

Kevin woke up early that Saturday morning to the blaring sound of the alarm clock on his bedside table and the constant ringing of his phone. The familiar ring tone told him who it was that was calling him and the photo on his screen only confirmed this as he picked up his phone. Sliding his finger across the screen, he puts the phone up to his ear and speaks in a horse voice, "I'm up Teenie," he coughs a few times to clear his throat as he sits up.

"Good," her motherly tone coming through loud and clear, "Now hurry up and get ready, we're on our way over now."

He groans slightly at the prospect of being rushed, "Already?"

"Yeah, we're getting breakfast before we head to Peach Creek," he could feel the look she was giving him in the tone of her voice, "So get your ass out of that bed right now and get in the shower. Well be there in about twenty minutes," she didn't give him a chance to protest her "request" as she had hung up the phone. He knew that if he was just to lay back down like he wanted to, to try and get out of the plans they had made for the day, there would be hell to pay from both of the ladies that would be at his front door shortly.

With a groan of aching muscles and stiff joints, he climbs to his feet and heads to the kitchen, unlocking the deadbolt of his door on the way. Entering the kitchen he starts a pot of coffee and sends his cousin a text, letting them know to just let themselves in when they arrived and that there would be coffee waiting for them. Gathering his clothes together, a simple grey suite with matching necktie and black dress shoes, he steps into the bathroom and turns on the shower, letting the water warm up before stepping in.

Under the hot water, Kevin begins to lather his body up as a bit of frustration starts to form in the back of his mind. This frustration was born from the light muscle definition he was feeling as he ran his hand across his chest and stomach. A frustration, that even though he has been going to the gym religiously since his recovery, and the fact that he has put on some muscle mass, he was no where near where he used to be before his run in with the white lady. And now that he was 42 years old, he was almost certain that he would never again obtain his former physique.

Now clean and rinsed, he shuts off the water and dries himself off before stepping out of the shower with the towel wrapped around his waist. Stepping over to the sink he lathers his face up with shaving cream as the front door opens and closes in the other room. Hearing the familiar voices of his cousin and her wife in the living room, his mind drifts off to what is to befall him this day with the plans that were now set in motion. The hand holding the razor begins to shake as his mind went over the countless scenarios that could unfold this day and what they all could mean for him. His anxieties and fears started to wreak havoc in his mind, as he started to toy with the idea of walking into the other room and telling his cousin that he was sorry but that he couldn't do this, she would understand, hopefully. From there he would just go back into his bedroom and bury himself in a blanket fort, not to come back out until this weekend was over.

Stealing his resolve, he took a deep breath and studied his nerves, he had to do this for both of his cousin's sakes as well as if he hoped to have any type of interaction with Edd in the future. He had to prove to them and himself, that he was much more than he appeared to be, much more then he feared he was, a hypocrite. For here he was, day in and day out, telling these kids that he rescued from abusive families to be brave, but faced with the fear of what his parents might think of him he now stood there trembling. As well as the fact that he had told Ed all those years ago to be who he is and not to worry about what others thought about him, but yet he has been unable to do so himself to those who mattered the most to him.

Tightening the tie around his neck, he looks at himself in the mirror and tells himself that today is the day. That today he will tell his parents that this is who he is, that he will make them understand that he is no different than who he was yesterday, that he is still their son, that the only difference now is that they just know a little more about him. Simple, right? "God, this is going to be a disaster," he moans as he gently brings his forehead to rest upon the mirror, letting out a heavy breath to release the anxiety that was bubbling in his belly.

Straightening up, he opens the door to the bathroom and makes his way toward the living room, "It's about fucking time," Tina admonishes him, "You're ready to go, right?"

"As ready as I'll ever be," he replied, the nerves he was trying to hide from them was plainly evident upon his face and the way that he carried himself. "Let's get this shit show on the road," he added as he made his way passed them and towards the door.

"We're all fucking nervous Kevin, so don't be a dick," Tina snipped as she picked up her purse off the couch to follow behind him.

Her wife comes up next to her and puts her hand in hers, giving it a gentle squeeze to show her support, "Now come on you two, let's all be civil to each other, we'll have plenty of reasons to cuss once we get there." Oh, Patty Cakes, always the voice of reason and a grounding force for Tina, a stark contrast to the hot-blooded Barr temper.

"He started it," Tina whined as she walked through the door that Kevin was holding open for them, earning a gently smile and disbelieving shake of the head from Patty. From there the three of them started their trip toward Peach Creek, stopping along the way to have breakfast at Bob Evans, all of them holding hands as they said grace before they ate. The remaining forty minutes of the trip was a solitary one for Kevin, as they had taken separate cars, since it would have been quite cramped in Tina's little compact rental once they had picked up the rest of their group. This left Kevin time to once again wrestle with his doubts and fears, the uncertainty of today's outcome, and what would happen if the worst was realized and he losses everything that he has known all his life.

Pulling up to the boy's downtown apartment, Tina and Patty jump out of their car and give him the hand sign that they would be back in just a few moments. Tapping his hands on the steering wheel to the beat of the song on the radio, he didn't have to wait long before Edd came out of the downstairs door of the apartment building to head towards his car. He opens the door and takes his seat next to Kevin as Billy Corgan wailed out the chorus "Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage."

"Already setting the mood for the day I see," Edd teased and Kevin reaches over and turns down the music as the second verse begins.

"No, um I'm just uh," Kevin stammered for a reason, not that he really needed to justify his musical tastes to the man.

"I know you're nervous and just trying to let it all out," Edd took a guess as he buckled up, "I mean coming out is life changing, I get that."

Kevin was taken by surprise as he hadn't told Edd that he was also coming out today, "So Tina told you?" He rubbed the back of his neck as his nervousness and anxiety skyrocketed.

"No, the boys did," Edd turns his head to the right to look at the door of the apartment building, wondering how much longer they were going to be, "I don't know why you tried to keep it a secret."

"I wanted to surprise you," he replied with a nervous chuckle at the end, "But I also didn't want to disappoint you if I couldn't go through with it."

"Kevin," Edd turns back to face him and places his hand on Kevin's forearm, "I get it, I've been where you are now, and I know that coming out is not an easy thing to do. Just know that I'm going to be right by your side the whole time, and I will support you in whatever decision you make."

Kevin was gazing into the deep blues of Edd's eyes, receiving an unexpected strength from the dorks words and reassuring touch. "Thanks, Edd, you have no idea how much that means to me," he whispers, placing his hand upon the one resting on his arm. The air between them had grown thick with tension as they both continued to look into each other's eyes in silence, Kevin licking his lips in nervous anticipation. Edd's eyes quickly darted to his lips with the sudden movement, his breath hitching as he brought his gaze back up to meet Kevin's once again, the fingers of his hand under his touch were itching to intertwine their hands together. Kevin slowly begins to lean in, looking for any sign of disapproval from Edd which would tell him to stop his advance. Edd slowly closes his eyes in anticipation of the feel of rough lips against his own, his nervous breathing was noticeable to the red head as he drew closer.

A knock at the passenger side window breaks the spell as Edd's eyes pop open and he withdraws his hand from under Kevin's. Quickly turning his head toward the window, he sees the bottom half of Tina's blouse as she stood on the sidewalk waiting for him to roll down the window to talk to her. Reaching over he pushes the button and she leans down, "We're ready to go, you know where it's at right?"

Kevin clears his throat before speaking, "Yeah, the same overpriced restaurant they use every reunion, the one in the Peach Creek Inn."

"Alright, we'll meet you there," she replied then turned on her heel to head toward the car that Junior and Anthony were climbing into the back seat of.

The short drive to Peach Creek Inn was filled with awkward silence between the two of them as Edd was thanking his lucky stars that the kiss had been interrupted. For now was not the time to be pondering such things, not with Kevin soon to be freshly out of the closet and his life possibly landing on its ear, not to mention his own current employment status and his need to find a job. Neither one of them were going to be stable enough in the near future to even entertain the possibility of a tryst between them, so it would probably be best not to gamble with their hearts and open up old wounds.

Entering the parking lot of the inn, Kevin searches for a spot close to the front doors, just incase they had to make a quick exit, but settled for a spot in the second row next to a lamp post. Stepping out of their vehicles all three Barr's did what they could to steady their nerves as they eyed the entrance of the building. Looking over at Anthony who was holding his fiancé's hand tightly, he sees the look in his eyes that he has seen in many a private's eyes as they stepped off the plan into a warzone, wondering if they would ever make it home again. "Come on," he speaks as confidently as he could, "Lets get this over with," and starts to head towards the doors.

As they entered the restaurant they informed the hostess of who's party they were with and were quickly led to the private dinning area which was located behind closed doors. Surveying the room as they entered, Kevin could see his two aunt's Carol and Carla sitting next to their husbands at one end of the table. None of their children or their children's children were there as they probably had their own lives to lead and didn't feel particularly close to this side of their family since they all grew up closer to their father's families and not their their mothers causing interaction to be limited between them. Next to them sat their brothers, Richard on one side of the table and Samuel on the other, their wives next to them on the opposite side from the sisters. David and his wife sat next to his father while Tim and his wife and three children sat next to Kevin's mother. "There's the late comers," Samuel said as he looked up towards the door.

Richard and Barbra Barr look behind them and were surprised to see their son standing at the door, "You made it this year," Richard says in an excited tone as he stands and places his hand on Kevin's shoulder, "Carol, Carla, you remember my son Kevin?"

"Of course we do Ric, how could we forget our little war hero," Carol says as she waves Kevin over with her arthritis riddled hands, demanding a hug from him.

Kevin could feel the pit in his stomach grow as all the eyes of the family were now on him, his mother was giving Edd a curious look, but he obliged his aunt and came over to give her a hug as David stood up, "What the fuck is he doing here?" The animosity in his voice was palpable as he stared at his son Anthony with nothing but disgust in his eyes.

Kevin pauses before leaning in for the hug and looks at David, "I invited him," the look in his eyes was stern, daring David to challenge him on this, "I think it's time for us to mend the bridges we have burnt, to bring this family back together." He looks from David to Anthony and sees the scared but bewildered look in the boys eyes as he returned his gaze, "I mean it, I want this family to be whole again."

"Good for you boy," Carol says giving him a soft tap to the belly.

"What's this about son," Richard looked perplexed.

"He's the one who threw us away for his queer boyfriend," David pointed wildly at the two boys who stood at the door.

"More like you beat him senseless and threw him out on the street," Double D corrected him.

David came around the table with vengeance in his eyes, "Are you getting smart with me you cocksucker?"

Kevin took a few steps to intercept him, but his arm was caught by his father as he passed him, "Kevin, why are you doing this?" His eyes and voice were pleading with him for answers, hoping beyond hope that he was not about to get the answer he feared he would.

"I, I," he looks away from his father hoping to find Edd nearby ready to give him the support he promised him he would, but found that he was busy keeping David away from his son. The entire group was in a heated argument with the man, Tina looking as though she was about ready to kill her brother. Looking back to his father with a pained look in his eyes he speaks, "Nothing has changed dad." He knew now that there was never truly anyway for him to change his sexuality, but he needed to say it, so the conversation could be steered in the right direction and just maybe his parents would understand his meaning.

"Changed, what do you mean Kevin," his mother asked as she stood up next to her husband.

"I've got this Barbra," Richard said sternly.

"No, I want to know what hasn't changed Kevin," she pleaded.

"Me," he said softly then spoke more confidently, "Nothing that you or that priest did made a difference, I am still bisexual and that will never change.

His father dropped his hand from Kevin's arm as his mother's bottom lip started to quiver, she looks in Edd's direction, "It was you."

"Mother don't," Kevin asked gently as he followed her towards Edd, her stride had a vicious purpose to it.

Yanking his arm, she turns him to face her, "You're that fucking queer boy that did this to my son, AREN'T YOU?"

Edd looked at her in disbelief, as if he could force someone to change who they are, "MOM, he didn't make me this way, I have always been bi, I just didn't accept it until him."

"Kevin, please tell us this is all just a joke," his father begged, "Just some lie you're telling to try and make us sympathize with little Anthony."

"What the hell is wrong with you people," Carol bellows out from the end of the table as she stands, "These are your children and you're treating them like scum because they are different."

"Homosexuality is against gods laws," Barbra said in a righteous tone, "And we have tried to help Kevin see the fault in his choices, but apparently he has refused to grasp the severity of his situation."

"My dear, god has also forbidden us shellfish, but you don't see people boycotting Red Lobster now do you?"

"There is no real comparison, one is fish and the other one sins of the flesh," Richard stated, "We believe the moral lessons of the bible are the ones that matter the most and should be followed without fail."

Carol did not have a chance to give a counter argument as Kevin could hear Anthony yelling behind him, "Don't you fucking touch him." Everyone's eyes turned toward the commotion just in time to see his fist connecting with David's jaw, sending the man toppling to the floor, his hand releasing its tight grip on Double D's arm as he fell. His wife shrieking, stands and runs around the table to try and get to his side, as Anthony protectively holds his fiancé in his arms, whispering comforting words in his ear before looking toward Tina then to Kevin and saying, "We should probably go."

Kevin nods his agreement, all his hopes for peaceful reconciliation going up in flames around him, "Yeah, maybe we should."

As he took a step forward he takes Edd's hand for support as his emotions take a nose dive, his other arm being yanked by his father to turn him to face him. His mother looks as though she is about to break down in tears as she looks at that hand which was holding Edd's, "If you can't do right by the lord or honor your parents wishes as he has also commanded, then you are no longer welcome here."

"Dad," he could feel the tightness in his throat as he spoke.

"Don't, just don't," his father waves off his pleading look and turns his head away from him, "Maybe it would have been better if you had died in that war, at least then you would have spared me this humiliation." He turns his back on his son and puts his arm around his wife to comfort her and lead her back to her seat. Kevin could feel his heart start to break at his father's words, apparently it was better to be dead then bi in his eyes. He turns to face away from them as to not give them the satisfaction of seeing the tears that were starting to form in his eyes as he leaves the room.

"Oh yeah," Tina turns back around before leaving, "And just so there is no confusion, one-hundred percent lesbian right here." Looking down at her brother who was just starting to get up off the floor she spits, "Piss ant," and turns to leave holding Patty's hand proudly as she does.

"Well, that was unexpected," Carol says as she stands, "John, we're leaving."

"Richard," Carla says as she stands as well, "Just so you know, my daughters a lesbian and we are all proud of her as she brings nothing but joy to our family, so please do me a favor and don't call us again until you can do right by the lord." She walks round the table and stops as she reaches the door, "Timothy 5:8, Anyone who does not provide for their relatives, and especially for their own household, has denied the faith," leaving the room with a flare that emphasized her displeasure with them all.

In the parking lot Kevin was being lead to his car by the guiding hand of Edd who was looking at the tall red head with concern. Kevin was blankly staring at the ground, his body becoming numb to the storm of emotions that raged inside of him, his mind going devoid of thought as he could not process his father's words or the disappointment in his mother's eyes any longer. He could barely make out what Tina was saying as she caught up to them at the cars, something about queens always causing drama or something. "Kevin,' he heard hear call through the haze of his mind, "Kevin are you alright."

He looks up and feels his throat tighten as he fought the raging emotions that had come back full force in the pit of his stomach, "He wishes I was dead." His words came out as barely a chocked whisper as a tear rolls down his cheek and more threatened to follow.

"Oh Kevin," she wraps her arms around him and gives him a tight hug, he lazily returns her affection with one arm as he refused to release the life line that was Edd's hand. "It's going to be alright, you'll see," she soothed him and looked over at Edd, "Can you drive him home? I've got to take the boys home."

"Yeah, I'll make sure he gets home alright," he replied softly.

Leaning a little back she looks up into his downcast eyes, "Kevin, can you give me your keys please." He reaches into his pocket and hands her what she had asked for as if he was on autopilot, "Here, I'll have Patty text you his address, please look after him and make sure he doesn't do anything stupid, we'll stop by once we leave here."

"Yeah, no problem," he replied as he helped her get Kevin into the car and buckled him as Patty sent him the address to Kevin's apartment. Before going over to the driver side, Edd checked on his son to make sure that he hadn't been hurt by David's aggression.

Kevin watched in a daze from the passenger seat of his car as Edd looked at something on Double D's arm then hugged his son and spoke to him. He assumed he was telling him goodbye as he walked around the car to the driver side once he had released the hug. "Is he going to be alright," Kevin asked in a dull voice, feeling guilty that his idea had caused Edd's son pain.

"Yes, it's just a bruise," Double D had a bruise on his upper arm which was very clearly caused by someone roughly grabbing hold of him and yanking him, the strips of the bruise outlining David's fingers, the bulk of the bruise the palm of his hand.

"I'm sorry, I should have known better, David has always been a bully," just another thing he has fucked up in his life, par for the course if you ask him.

"They chose to come, to support you and Tina, what that asshole did is not your fault," Edd started the car and pulled out of the parking spot, following Tina out of the lot.

Kevin's voice broke as another wave of emotions struck him hard, "Still, I'm sorry." Edd put his hand into Kevin's to comfort him, giving him what support he could during the long drive back to Summerville, and home.


	19. Galapogos

Love Looks Not with the Eyes Chapter 19 – Galapogos

 **A/N- The song for this chapter is sung by The Smashing Pumpkins**

Edd drove Kevin's Kia Rio down the rural highway that lead from Peach Creek to Summerville, picking up speed once again as he had just left the small town of Cherry Falls. Memories of a night they spent together twenty-four years ago begin to enter his mind as he looks over at the man in the passenger seat. How the two of them had affectionately cuddled up together under a trench coat in the back seat of Nat's car as they made their way back home from a late night showing of the Rocky Horror Picture Show. Embarrassment painting his cheeks red as he recalls his scantily clad Frank N. Furter costume, ah the bravery of youth and how he could be so carefree back then was a mystery now. He reaches over and takes Kevin's hand, giving it a gentle squeeze as he recalled the first kiss the man had given him and the love that he felt expressed in that embrace. He chuckled softly to himself as he also remembered how that kiss had lead to Marie discovering their relationship and his sexuality, "What?" Edd looks over briefly at Kevin and sees a mildly irritated and confused expression on his face.

"I was just thinking," Edd halfway explained and Kevin huffs in disinterest, turning back to gazing out of the passenger side window, falling back into his inner turmoil which was now a dull throbbing ache. "You remember when we went to go see Rocky Horror, don't you," Kevin hummed his acknowledgement, "I was just thinking about how pissed off Marie got when she found out about us."

Kevin's voice was low and sounded almost choked when he responded, "Whatever happened to her?"

"She got married to a guy she met in college, his name is Terry. They now have three beautiful kids who all take after their mother," a gentle laugh escapes his lips as he thought about all the hell those kids have probably unleashed upon the world, "Two girls and one boy and they are currently living up in Maine."

"Damn," he coughs to try and clear his throat as he sits up properly in his seat, "Sounds like she got the life she always wanted."

"Yeah seems like it," Edd comfortingly rubs his thumb across Kevin's in a hope of ease his pain.

"How about you?" Kevin's voice was cracking a little, "Did you get the life you wanted with Nat?"

"Kevin, I don't think we should talk about," Edd began, trying to avoid anything that might cause Kevin discomfort.

But Kevin was determined to stay on the subject, "I thought I got what I wanted once, no I did get it, but it has been so long ago that it is like an ephemeral dream that I can barely remember anymore. Everything else since has been a base imitation that couldn't cast a shadow upon the real thing," Kevin's heart burned, it needed Edd to understand that a fire for him still burned deep inside of him and all that it needed to burn brightly again, like oxygen, was him.

"Kevin, I," Edd was afraid of the implications of his words, has Kevin been holding a flame for him all these years? No that's silly, there was nothing special about him to cause such a handsome man, who could get whoever he wanted, to long for him for so long. It was stupid for him to assume such things, he must be talking about someone else, probably about his marriage to Nazz.

"It's alright Edd," Kevin was defeated today by the words of his father and couldn't handle anymore rejection, "Don't mind me, I'm just talking nonsense right now." The conversation between them went quiet again as one of Edd's songs from his Spotify account played over the speakers, Run by Snow Patrol. Kevin's emotional pain flares up again as he returns to his thoughts and all that he has lost today with the rejection of his father, mother and his extended family. Each thought growing deeper and darker as he continued to dwell on the pain he was feeling at their loss. He was getting older, he had no family of his own, so who would look after him when he really gets up there in years? Who would mourn him upon his passing? Or would he just fade away into nothingness, as though he had never existed with no one to remember him? Each thought cutting deep into his heart, searing his soul with agony and suffering, a suffering he wished to see an end to. He didn't deserve this pain, he was only being true to who he was, why couldn't they see that and accept him.

A thought, really a temptation, enters the back of his mind and quickly takes root there, it wouldn't hurt him for just one night would it? He would give it up and get back on the wagon again tomorrow, he'd go to his next NA meeting like he always does and confess that he had messed up and used. They would understand, they would give him the support he would need, wouldn't they? After all he has seen it countless times in other people and he was in such need for this pain to go away right now, he could face his problems tomorrow after the pain had diminished some. Pulling his phone out of his jacket pocket he was invigorated with a rush of excitement that he tried to hide as he looked up the phone number to the bar he used to hang out at and hits the call button. The phone was answered a few moments later and the bartender greets him, "Is this Phil?" Kevin asks and Edd gives him a curious side eyed glance as he wondered who he was talking to and why, trying his best to stifle his eavesdropping as it wasn't his conversation and had no business in it.

"Yes, this is he," the gruff voice replied.

"You probably don't remember me, but," Kevin was feeling nervous suddenly, as his rational side was now screaming for him to stop, that he shouldn't throw away all his hard work at remain sober. But fuck it, who is really going to care anyways? For all of his friends had their own families to worry about after all or were in relationships and had their own lives to deal with. Why was Kevin fucking Barr's sobriety going to matter to any of them? "But I was wondering if you might remember an old friend of mine, we used to hang out there a few years back."

"What's this friends name?" Phil sounded a little agitated, and rightfully so, for he really didn't have the time to waste talking on the phone, when there were customers wanting drinks.

"Michael Young," Kevin said hopefully while Edd took mental notes of Kevin's sudden change in demeanor and energy level along with the name.

"Yeah, I know him," finally a beacon of hope for the end of his pain, "Tragic what happened to him," Phil said sympathetically.

"What happened to him," Kevin asked in a defeated tone.

"You haven't heard?"

"No."

"The pour son of a bitch OD two months ago," the phone starts to slide down Kevin's cheek making it difficult for him to hear the rest, "Drowned in his own vomit right next to his passed-out girlfriend. Never thought a guy like that would be a junky, it's a shame really"

"Yeah, a shame," Kevin repeated in a daze.

"If there's nothing else, I need to get back to work."

"Yeah, no problem, thanks Phil," Kevin brings the phone down away from his face and hits the end button. He was feeling numb as the rational side of his brain kept telling him, that could have been you all those years ago if Alice hadn't been there, you don't want to fall back into that, you don't want to take that chance.

"Who was that," Edd askes as he was unable to control his curiosity at the strange conversation that he had only heard one side of.

"No one," Kevin replied, shaking himself out of his daze, "Hey," he turns to Edd as his emotional side was still winning out, "Do you feel like going out tonight? We need to celebrate," he was pumping himself up and getting excited for a chance to blow off this steam that has been building up inside of him since this morning. Trying desperately not to lose this sudden rush of energy that he was feeling and slump back down into his depression.

"Celebrate?" Edd nervously chuckled as he glanced over at Kevin who was scrolling through his Spotify account for some more upbeat music.

"Yeah, we need to celebrate my coming out," Kevin was also mentally trying to get passed the crippling depression he had been feeling since they left Peach Creek. He was mildly accomplishing this by telling himself _"This is no big deal, I'm better off without them, they were always looking down on me, judging me, they'll see that I don't need them. I mean who do they think they are, they'll regret the day that I stopped talking to them soon enough and come crawling back."_ Trying to convince himself that his separation from his parents was his choice and that he was better off without them in his life, well he's at least got half of it right.

"Where do you want to go? Out to dinner? Or should we catch a show?" Edd let out another nervous laugh as the atmosphere was heavy in the car, even though Kevin had hit play on the radio mix of Dreamer by Livin' Joy, "I don't know, I kind of suck at this," another laugh escapes his lips.

"Let's go to The Dock, I feel like dancing," Kevin answered as he moved his upper body to the music and Edd could feel his heart drop into his stomach. The Dock, or any bar for that matter, was the one place that Kevin didn't need to be in his current emotional state as the temptation to drink to dull the pain could break his sobriety.

"How about we just stay in tonight and have our own little private party," Edd suggested, "I don't really feel like going to a bar tonight," trying to avoid the bad situation that a grief induced drunk might cause.

"Oh, don't be lame," Kevin goaded, avoiding the temptation to make a dirty joke about private parties, "It'll be fun." He sees Edd purse his lips and pushes a little further, "Just think about it, you, me and a hundred half naked men dancing all around us, what isn't there to like."

"Yay, great, more reasons for me to feel like a troll," Edd whined and pouted further. **(quick note, troll is a derogatory word in gay society to refer to an older man)**

"You're not a troll Edd, you're in the prime of your life," Kevin tried to reassure him.

"Well, do me a favor and tell the people on Grindr that."

Kevin couldn't help the laugh that he tried to stifle as his emotions were all over the place and he couldn't even tell you what exactly he found funny about that statement all of the sudden, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I don't know what's gotten into me." Edd gave him a side eyed glance more out of worry then annoyance and Kevin held up his hands in surrender, "I'm sorry, I'm done," taking a few breathes to calm himself then returning to the previous topic, "So are we going?"

"Jesus Christ, you're not going to let this go, are you?"

"Nope," Kevin said seriously.

"Fine, we'll go dancing, but just for a little bit, is that good for you?"

"Yay," Kevin responded in a childlike manner as the GPS was directing Edd onto the interstate that would lead them across the bridge into Summerville. Edd had only capitulated in the hopes of dropping the topic and satisfying Kevin for the time being to buy him some time to get some advice from Alice or Tina on how best to handle him in a situation like this. For he was sure that they would both agree with him that Kevin didn't need to go out tonight, for it would surely lead him down a path he did not want to take.

Pulling up to the curb in front of Kevin's apartment building, Edd's worry increases as Kevin was now very energetic, as he practically ran up two flights of stairs to his third-floor apartment. Unlocking the door Kevin leads the way in, "If you're hungry there's plenty in the fridge, help yourself," dropping his dress coat on the couch as he passes, unbuttoning the top three buttons of his dress shirt he slips it off over his head.

Edd's heart skips a beat at the view of Kevin's freckled shoulders and defined muscular form of his back and averts his eyes as he follows him into the kitchen, "Thanks."

The refrigerator door opens, and Kevin leans over to look in, "You want something to drink?" The fabric of his dress pants becoming taunt against the muscles of his ass.

"Sure."

"I hope Dr. Pepper is alright," Kevin walks over to where Edd was standing in the kitchen door and hands him the can. Letting out a gentle laugh, he ruffles Edd's hair once his hand was free of the can, "Why are you looking so embarrassed Edd, you've seen more of me than this."

Edd sheepishly looks over at him and catches his eye, seeing the playful smile upon his face that caused the worry in the back of his mind to wonder how he must truly be feeling inside, he knew he was putting up a brave front for him. "Yeah," now was not the time to be looking down and admiring his lightly defined chest and abs, or to catch a glimpse of his auburn treasure trail that lead down from his belly button to disappear into his pant, bringing his eyes quickly back up to lock with Kevin's, "Silly me."

Turning his body so he was facing Edd, their bodies off center of each other, he brings his hand up to his cheek and kisses his temple, breathing out inches from his skin, "I'm going to take a shower, so make yourself at home." Removing his hand from Edd's cheek he looks away and heads toward the bathroom, _"Fuck, why did I do that,"_ he thought to himself. His emotions were going through so many ups and downs at the moment that he was finding it hard to restrain himself from showing affection to the one his heart still held dear.

Edd walks over to the sofa and places his soda on the coffee table, hearing the door close behind Kevin he pulls his phone out of his pocket and hits call on a number in his contact list as he sits. The phone on the other end quickly picking up and a familiar voice greeting him, "Hey mini me, what's up?"

Edd let out a sigh at Alice's occasional nickname for him before responding, "What do you think is up?"

"Oh, so it went that bad," she responded and Edd could hear Alister in the background trying to get her attention, "Yes, of course you can watch that one sweetie," she responded to her son.

"And of course it went that bad," Edd responded to her original question trying to get her attention back to him.

"How is he doing?"

"He went through some major depression for half the trip here," she could tell that he was worried from the tone in his voice, "He barely acknowledged anything that I said to him. But now he is acting totally different, hyper and down right giddy would be the best way to describe him."

Tina must have had her reasons for interesting Edd with Kevin, considering his current emotional state and his history of addiction, but Alice knew that she had made the right choice, for she could not think of a more compassionate person for the job. "He must be going through denial right now, he's either pretending like it never happened or renationalizing it somehow to force the pain away. Has he done anything else that you would consider weird," she trusted that Kevin wouldn't do anything stupid, but there was always the possibility of it.

"Well there is, no, it's probably nothing," Edd was conflicted about Kevin's intentions on going out, it could be just like he said, that he just wanted to go dancing.

"Spit it out Edd," if it made him think about it, it must be important.

Edd jumped a little at her insistence, "He's been very adamant about going out tonight, even tried getting ahold of an old friend."

"Who's the friend?" Please don't let it be him, oh please god don't let Kevin be that stupid, she prayed.

"Some guy named Michael, um," Edd tried to think of the last name again, "Oh yeah Young, Michael Young." The phone was silent for a few moments, so quiet that Edd couldn't even hear any noise in the background making him think that he had lost her, "Are you still there."

"Yeah," her voice was soft and shaking lightly, "Now listen here Edd, under no circumstances are you to let Kevin leave that apartment tonight."

"What, why? What's going on?" Was there something that he was unaware of that would cause her to forbid Kevin, a grown ass man, from leaving his apartment.

"Edd, just trust me on this, he is not to leave," she couldn't say more, she didn't want to break Kevin's trust by telling Edd his secret.

"Then why don't you come over here and tell him that, because I can tell you that it isn't going to fly coming from me," he was beginning to feel trapped in this situation. On one hand he had Alice telling him that could not go out tonight and on the other a towering stronger man who was determined to do so.

"I can't Edd," she was sounding more desperate now, "Kev's at work and I have Alister with me and I will not expose the boy to what's about to happen." She could call her sisters to see if they could watch him, but she was pretty sure that they were all unavailable as well.

"What's about to happen?"

"He's going to be pissed, that's what's going to happen," he needed to understand the situation, and she needed to find a way to tactfully do it. "He's going through the stages of grief right now and apparently his addiction is tempting him to seek a way to numb the pain he is refusing to accept."

Some things were confusing Edd right now, "What does Michael Young have to do with his alcoholism?"

"Pardon me," she tried to play dumb.

"Your insistence that he stays in tonight only started when I mentioned that man's name," she was hiding something, and she needed to spill it like now, "Why does Michael Young have anything to do with his addiction?"

"Edd," she tried to stop his ramblings.

"I mean is he an enabler, is that why you want him to stay away from him?"

"AAAAHHHH," she roared, affectively silencing him for she knew he would just continue rambling otherwise. Taking a moment to compose herself before she spoke again, "I'm sorry sweetie, mommy is just upset," obviously speaking to Alister gently, "You go ahead and finish your movie and I'll be right back." He could not make out what the boy was saying in response, "No, I'm not mad at you, I'm just frustrated at my friend is all, I swear, I'm just going to go to the kitchen and get some water if you need me ok." He could hear her walking into the other room, mumbling under her breath asking god for strength, obviously battling with some choice, "Alright Edd, what I am about to tell you, you are never to speak a word of to anyone. Only me, Kev, Rave and Tina know about this, you understand," she knew that Edd was trustworthy, but this was someone's personal life they are talking about.

"I understand," his nerves were on edge now, was it really that bad, what could have Kevin done.

She took a few deep breaths as she pondered whether she should really continue with the truth or make some shit up, ultimately choosing the first option. "Alcohol isn't the only thing Kevin is addicted to," she took another deep breath, "I met Kevin through one of my childhood friends who he was stationed with in the army, and after 9-11 happened they went off to war together, but, our friend didn't survive." The memorial at the skating rink flashes through Edd's mind as he made the connection, "Kevin didn't take it well, as his wife had also divorced him when he got back to the states. His survivors guilt coupled with the divorced sent his drinking out of control and led," she pauses for a moment, "To his heroin addiction."

"My god," Edd breathed out softly, in shock that things had gotten that bad for Kevin.

"Michael Young was his dealer back in the day and if Kevin is looking for him, he is trying to get his hands on some," she paused for a moment to let it sink in, "So do you understand why you can't let him leave tonight?"

"Yes," Edd said softly as he nodded his head.

"Good," her voice now sounded relieved, "You know I would be there if I could, but like I said, I can't expose Alister to that, he's already been through to much in his life, you understand right?"

"Of course," Edd's palms were now sweating, what the fuck was he going to do to stop him if he really wanted out, "Do you have any suggestions on how I am going to accomplish this?"

"If you have to lock him into his bedroom and sleep in front of that door, you do it, other than that just don't let him bully you into anything," oh god please give Edd strength. For tonight was going to test Edd and Kevin's relationship in one way or another, if there still was truly a bond between them they would make it through this, if not all would be lost to them forever.

Edd could hear the shower turn off in the bathroom, "I've got to go, he's about to get out of the shower."

"Alright, good luck and you call me if you need anything, I'll rally the troops if I have to," truthfully, she didn't know who she could get over there in such short notice, but if she had to she would find a way.

"Yeah, thanks," he hangs up the phone as the door to the bathroom opens and Kevin comes walking out with nothing on but a towel wrapped round his waist.

"I forgot my clothes," he points to his bedroom as he made his way across the living room quickly. Jesus Christ Kevin, stop passively aggressively flirting already, if you want to fuck the man just go on over there already and jump his bones, I'm sure he wont mind. (Coughs) now where was I, oh yes, Edd did his best to keep his mind and eyes off the almost naked man as he passed through the room, contemplating how best to bring up the subject that they were going to stay in tonight. His dirty little mind instantly going for the idea of walking into the other room and ripping off that towel and riding him like a bucking bronco. No Edd no, don't be trashy gawd, have some self-respect ha ha.

Following him down the short hall, Edd stops at the door and leans against the wall, "Kevin."

"Yeah what is it?"

"I've been thinking," he could hear the sigh from the other room, "I'm not really feeling up to going dancing tonight, so why don't we just stay in and watch a movie together?" He didn't hear any positive or negative reactions to his suggestion, so he decided to sweeten the deal, "I can rent something off Vudu and we can chill on the couch under the blankets."

Kevin's ears and heart perked up at that suggestion, but fuuucckkk, "I don't know Edd," he came to the door butting up his pants, and Edd could see that he wasn't wear underwear as his pubes had been visible for a split second, "I really want to go out." There had to be something out there to dull this pain, coke, crystal or hopefully he could get his hands on some heroin, someone somewhere had to have something. "So why don't we just go to the Bear then?"

He walks back into the room to grab a shirt as Edd spoke, "Can't we just stay in tonight, I mean after what you've been through today, I'm kind of worried about you."

"Don't be," Kevin said sharply as he puts both arms through their respective sleeves, "I'm fine," bringing the shirt over his head and down his torso

"No, you're not Kevin, I can tell you're hurting," Edd chewed on his bottom lip in worry as his eyes mirrored his inner emotions.

"Really, you know me that well do you," he didn't mean what he was saying but his mouth was moving faster than his brain, "That you can tell that I'm lying to you when I say I'm fine."

"Kevin, we all love you and don't want to see you get hurt," Edd pleaded and Kevin scoffed, everything hurt suddenly, his heart, his soul, his brain, his whole damn body. Edd could tell that Alice's fears about the situation was slowly coming true as Kevin was now becoming a little hostile.

"If you really loved me then you wouldn't," he stops himself abruptly, the words "have left me" on the tip of his tongue. The pain in his heart searing him as he stands and makes his way to the door with Edd hot on his heels.

Reaching for the knob he turns it and opens the door, only to have it pushed shut on him, "Where are you going," Edd asked in a deeply serious voice.

"I told you, out," Kevin needed to get away before he said something to damaging and repeated his mistakes of the past.

"It's only two in the afternoon," Kevin looked into Edd's eyes and saw a deep worry in them.

"There's no harm in priming the pump," he replied.

"You're not drinking Kevin," Edd said as he shimmied his way between Kevin and the door.

"You think that's going to stop me?"

"Is this how you solve all your problems? By drinking?"

Kevin's brows furrow together as he looked at the man before him menacingly, what the fuck did he know about it? Pointing his finger in Edd's face he says loudly, "I haven't had a fucking drink in over ten years Edd, it isn't going to hurt me to have a few after the day I've had."

"Yes, it will, because you've said so yourself, that you can't stop after just having one," if Kevin was thinking properly he would know to stop right now, for he knew he was scaring the pants off of Edd. But in his current state of mind, that is what he wanted, to make the man get out of his way and let him do what he wanted to do.

"I'm not going to have that many, I swear," he tried to control his tone, but it didn't work.

"No," he replied sternly.

"Get the fuck out of my way Edd," he pushes the smaller man, trying to force him to the side, but Edd fought back against his aggression and surprisingly was able to fend him off.

"I know about the heroin Kevin," Edd blurted out in desperation and regretted that he broke Alice's trust.

Kevin froze and looked at him in shock, his face slowly twisting with rage, "THAT FUCKING GOD DAMN BITCH," he roared, "SHE SWORE SHE WOULD NEVER TELL YOU," he takes a few steps back turning away from him, running both his hands through his hair as he tried to control himself.

"She didn't want to tell me," Edd tried to reassure him, "But she knew what you were planning."

He gestured wildly with his right arm as he turned to face him as though he was trying to throw someone off of him, "And how did she know what I was thinking?"

"Michael Young," he explained.

"Fuck," Kevin cursed himself for making that call in front of Edd, "You're a fucking meddler Edd," he points at him again, "You've got to stick your god damn nose into everything."

"Because I know what you're going through," Edd began.

"Yeah, you know exactly what I'm going through, don't ya," God damn it Kevin, shut the fuck up, "Know it all Edd knows exactly how Kevin the fuck up Barr is feeling."

"Yes, and because of that I am going to ignore the hurtful things you are saying right now."

"How fucking kind of you," his eyes were full of anger and every word he was saying was fueled by that anger which had nothing to do with Edd or what he was doing, "Why don't you get the fuck out of my house."

"No," Edd was determined not to let Kevin fuck up his life, "I'm staying because I love you."

Kevin's heart skips a beat hearing those words from Edd, but the pain that was in and surrounding his heart overshadowed the feeling of joy he should have been feeling at that moment, leaving only rage in its wake. "You don't fucking love me, YOU'VE NEVER FUCKING LOVED ME." Shut up, shut up, shut up, "You went straight from me to Leslie."

"That was," Edd stammered.

"Then from her to Nat," don't fucking say it Kevin, "I don't think you can even fucking love someone." There it was, that trained thought process the priest had instilled in him all those years ago. Father O'Malley's voice echoing in his head as his own emotions reeled inside of him, _"They don't love like you or I do and have no concept of faithfulness."_ His heart shatters as he sees Edd's quivering lip and the tears that were starting to fill his eyes, "Edd, I'm," he said softly.

Edd's voice was breaking as he spoke, "If that's how you really feel," a tear falls down his cheek, "Then I won't trouble you again."

Edd turns toward the door and puts his hand on the knob as a sob unintentionally escapes his lips. Stop him, stop him, STOP HIM, you've fucking did it again you stupid son of a bitch and if you let him walk out that door now, you will never see him again. Dropping to his knees, he wraps his arms around Edd's waist as every emotion he has felt that day came crashing down upon him in that very moment, his throat choking with sobs as his eyes let forth a flood of tears that knew no end. "I'm sorry Edd, I'm so fucking sorry, I didn't mean a god damn word of it," sliding down to the floor he balls up in on himself as Edd turns and looks down at him doing his best to control his own tears, "Don't go, please don't go, I don't want to lose you too." One hand was grasping tightly at the fabric of Edd's jeans as if he were anchoring him there, and if he were to let go of it Edd would simply vanish before his tear stained eyes.

Edd leans his back against the door and slides down it to the floor, wiping a stray tear from his cheek as he was doing his best to control his sympathetic emotions. Reaching the floor, he pulls Kevin in, placing his head upon his lap and wrapping his arms around him as best he could, he leans in whispering, "It's alright, I forgive you, sshh, it's alright," Kevin wraps his own arms tightly around Edd's waist. By all rights he should still be angry for every hurtful word Kevin had said to him, but he had forgiven him, knowing full well that every word had been fueled by his grief at the loss of his family. Edd could barely understand any word that Kevin was saying as it was all a mix of sobs and heavy choppy breathing, only catching the words I, want, much and what was either lose or love, it was hard to tell.

They stayed like for who knows how long, allowing Kevin to regain his composure slowly, and as the sobs and tears died out over time, Edd leans back against the door. "I've lost them Edd," he said softly in a horse voice, sniffling, "They're gone, and they don't love me anymore," a fresh batch of tears falling down his already wet cheeks. Squeezing Edd tightly for comfort he sobs some more into his lap, allowing the pain to run its course naturally.

"I know it hurts," he rocked him gently in his arms, daring to lean down and give him a kiss to his cheek, "But it will get better I swear."

"I'm never going to see them again, we're never going to share anymore happy moments together, and they'll never know," he stops himself from saying, when I win your heart again, as he didn't want to push his luck by finishing that sentence.

"It's their loss," Edd said comfortingly, "If they can't see what a good person you are." Kevin sobs as his inner demons told him that he did not deserve such kind words from him after all that he has said. "You're kind and gentle with a heart of gold, they should be thanking god that they even had one day in your presence."

"I don't," he pauses to try and control a surge of emotions, "Deserve you. I've been so mean to you, back then and now."

"Well, we were both afraid of coming out back then, and as for now you were in pain and just lashing out."

"But you didn't deserve it thought," he would understand if Edd never spoke to him again after this, he had fucked up.

"No, but I understand," Edd let out a deep sigh, "Even though it was my fault that I lost my family, I still felt grief over it. You can ask Nat all about the awful things I said, about him, about me, about the whole fucking world, but he never held it against me, because, he knew I was just lashing out in a rage at my own stupidity."

"He's a good guy," Kevin sniffled.

"Yeah, he is, but so are you," he runs his fingers through Kevin's hair, "And don't you ever let anyone tell you any different, that includes yourself."

A knock came to the door as Kevin said, "Thanks."

"Who is it," Edd called through the door, annoyed that someone was knocking and interrupting Kevin's emotional recovery.

"It's use bitches," Tina's voice comes from the other side of the door, "Let us in." Kevin rolls his eyes and climbs to his feet, giving Edd a helping hand up off the floor before wiping his tear stained face with the palms of his hands as Edd opened the door. "How's he doing," she asks as she steps in, seeing him as she turns her head, "God, you look like shit," she hugs him deeply as Patty steps in and notices Edd emotional state and comforts him.

"Thanks cuz," he replies, returning her hug as he sniffles again.

"I know it sucks, but chin up."

"And skirt down, I know," he lets out a single halfhearted laugh, "So how are you doing?"

Patty turns to him and asks, "Have you been mean to Edd?"

"It's fine Patty," Edd defended.

"Kevin Richard Barr, I should kick your fucking ass," Tina's face told him that she meant it.

"Yeah, I was an asshole, ok, I'm sorry," he throws up his hands in defeat and walks into the living room to slump down on the couch.

"Really, it's alright," Edd reassured them, "I'm fine, nothing I can't handle. He was just hurt and we all know how that goes."

Tina walks over and sits next to him, pulling him in for a one-armed hug, whispering, "You need to be nicer to him, ok, he loves you, maybe not the love you want but he loves you all the same."

"I fucked up Teenie," he turns and wraps his arms around her as a new wave of tears pour out of him.

She wraps her other arm around him, "It's alright, I'm sure he forgives you," rocking him in her embrace. Patty comes and sits on the other side of him, rubbing his back to comfort him, shedding her own tears for the two Barr's whose family's have disowned them today. Edd steps into the kitchen looking for some tissues for the three of them, but was really trying to hide the fact that he was shedding his own tears for them. For someone had to be strong for them, and a crying blubbering mess was not going to do at all. Reigning in his emotions, he washes his face quickly in the sink and dries off with a towel before picking up a fresh box of tissues from the top of the refrigerator and bringing them back in for the trio.

The rest of the evening with the four of them was spent devouring ice cream as they watched a few sad romance movies so that they could tell themselves that they were the reason they were crying and not their fucked up family's. As the evening turned to night and Tina was at the door talking to Kevin before they left, Patty suggested, "You know, we can stay with him if you want, I'm sure Nat and Rave would let you crash with them."

"Oh please, I'm not staying with those two love birds, I might get a cavity," Edd teased, "Besides, you need to comfort your wife." She gives him a look as to ask if he was sure, "It's fine, I'll make sure he's well taken care of."

"Alright, if you're sure."

"I'm sure," he shoos her away and towards her wife, "Now go and give her all the love she'll ever need."

She kisses him on the cheek, "You're such a good person Edd."

"Stop, you're going to make Tina jealous."

She just smiles at him and shakes her head before walking over to her wife and taking her by the arm, "Come on dear, we've intruded on their private time for long enough."

Tina gives Kevin a kiss on the cheek as Patty opens the door to lead her out, the shorter woman calling back to them, "You two be good and don't do anything that I wouldn't do and half the shit I would." She thought about the implications of her words and amends the statement as she leans over the lower banister to look back up at them, "Except for sex, you two can fuck like rabbits for all I care."

Kevin laughs softly as he closes the door on them, looking over he sees Edd's face was as red as a beet, "Oh, Edd, she's only teasing."

"I know, but she's always been so," he paused looking for the right word to describe her.

"Like Nat?" Edd looked at him in shock but had to admit that he was right, "Then you should be used to it," he laughs the first real laugh he's had all day.

"Well, Nat kind of toned it down around me over the years, even though he still had his moments," Edd smiled at found memories that now felt like a distant past.

"So," fuck this is going to be awkward, "I've got a king-sized bed in there with plenty of room, or," god did that seem to desperate, "Or you can sleep on the couch, it's up to you."

"The couch will be fine," Edd replied gently.

" _Well of course he would choose the couch, what kind of idiot are you Barr, to have even suggested that in the first place."_ "Alright, I'll be right back," he walks into his bedroom and pulls out a blanket from the closet then takes two pillows from his bed and brings them back into the living room. "I hope she's comfortable enough for you," he said as he places the items on the couch, "I've never slept on her personally, so, I'm sorry if she's a bit lumpy."

Edd picks up the pillows and deposits them on one side of the couch, "It will be fine," then spreads the blanket across it.

"Ok," he takes a few steps towards his room, "Well, um, goodnight."

"Goodnight Kevin," Edd replied as he laid down and turned off the lamp next to the couch.

Kevin enters his room and changes into his pajamas before crawling under his covers to say a little prayer, "Lord, I'm sorry, I know I've ask a lot from you over the years, but could you please help Edd to find it in his heart to truly forgive me for what I did to him today. I swear that I am truly sorry for everything that I said to him, and I promise to try and be a better person and never let my emotions get the better of me again. Please also look after my cousin Tina and her wife Patty, give them the strength and courage to come through these trying times unharmed. I know I'm selfish for asking these things of you, but we're good people who are just going through some rough times right now and could use a little help. Amen."

Rolling over onto his side he turns off his bedside light and pulls the covers up under his arm, trying to find that sweet comfortable spot he normally lays in and closes his eyes. Feeling the mattress on the other side of the bed sift a few moments later as Edd decided to take him up on his offer of sharing the bed. "It was to lumpy," Edd explained and Kevin turned over to face him.

"I didn't think it was going to be to comfortable, she is kind of old."

"You sure it's alright that I sleep here?"

"Yeah, it's fine."

"Alright, then goodnight Kevin."

"Goodnight Edd." Kevin rolled back over onto the side he normally sleeps on and the two of them quickly fall fast to sleep, rolling over into each other's arms sometime in the middle of the night.


	20. Fools Rush In

Love Looks Not with the Eyes Chapter 20 – Fools Rush In

 **A/N – The title for the chapter is sung by Peggy Sue.**

It was a brisk windless November morning as the sun started to rise over the mountains in the east as Kevin's head swayed with the movement of the vehicle as it made its way over the rough unpaved country road. Plank was excitedly conversing with Kevin about the letters he had received last night from home, the two of them discussing their mutual friends and the events that were going on in their lives. "Ms. Ritta was going to send us some cookies but wasn't sure if they would make it in one piece."

"Yeah, they probably wouldn't have," Kevin agreed as he turned his attention from the window to his friend, "So what's the occasion?"

"It was Alice's birthday yesterday," Plank said it as though it was the obvious answer.

"Oh shit, I totally forgot to tell her happy birthday in my last letter," Kevin said in a self-admonishing tone.

"It's alright man," Plank slaps his arm with the back of his hand, "I sent her a homemade birthday card and added your name."

"Thanks man," Kevin could feel his anxiety spike suddenly.

"Speaking of food though," Plank took his eyes off the road and glanced in his direction, "What's the first thing you're going to eat when you get back?"

"A big juicy hamburger," Kevin replied from shotgun, his heart was starting to pound in his chest as a cold sweat covered his forehead.

"My wife's taco," Taylor added from the gunnery hatch behind them.

"Man, we don't need to know what's in your spank bank," Kevin replied softly, his fears getting the better of him as his mind raced with the upcoming tragedy.

"What, I like her taco's," Taylor clarifies and the next few seconds slow to a near halt as Kevin watches in horror as the driver side window shatters and two rounds strike Plank in the chest.

Everything else was a blurry as the vehicle swerves to the left and comes to a stop, the frantic pounding in Kevin's chest as he pulls Plank from the Humvee and to the safety of cover behind it. His frantic calls for the Medic and the hand that suddenly grabs him causing him to look Plank dead in the eyes as he speaks, "Until death do us part."

Kevin jumps as the bullets that caused his injuries during the war strike his body, bringing him back to reality and out of his troubled dreams. His heart was still pounding in his chest, his breath was quick and ragged, his body was covered in sweat as he held tightly to the person in his arms. The light of the street lamps pouring into the room from the large front windows were illuminating Edd's features as his head rested on the bicep of Kevin's right arm inches away from his face. Edd's own arm that was wrapped around Kevin's waist tightens, trying to pull him back in close as he leaned back to get a better look at the man. He mumbles out as he rubs his face against the skin of Kevin's arm, "Go back to sleep," apparently still fast asleep himself and fully unaware of who it was that he was cuddling with.

As Kevin calmed down he knew that there most certainly is a god and right now he knew that she loved him, for this had to be heaven cuddling up with Edd. He was so close he could smell the fresh scent of his body, feel his soft and steady breath against his neck and the heat that radiated from his bare chest as it moved in time with his breathing. _"God damnit, I'm a creep,"_ he admonished himself, _"Being so happy about this when Edd wouldn't approve if he was awake."_ Unwrapping his left arm from around Edd's slim body, he gingerly moves the arm from around his own waist and slowly slides his right arm out from under Edd's head. He rolls over to face away from Kevin, pulling the pillow under his head as he let out a soft hum of announce for being forcibly removed from such a warm and comfortable position. "I'll be back," Kevin whispers his reassurance, but for what reason he had spoken them, he was unsure since Edd was asleep.

Quietly walking to the kitchen, he turns on the facet and rinses the sweat from his face, then fills a glass with water and drinks it down quickly. Looking at the clock on his microwave he sees that it is now three in the morning and feels wide awake, not desiring to just lay in bed and stare at the ceiling he goes into the living room and turns on the TV. Keeping the volume low as to not disturb Edd as he slept, he continued his binge of DS9 curled up on the couch under one of the blankets he had brought Edd earlier that night. He had only gotten through one complete episode and was halfway through the next when he hears Edd's feet shuffling down the hall towards him, "Are you alright?" His voice was groggy as he comes to sit down on the couch next to him, pulling the other end of the blanket up over his legs as he curls up on the couch as well.

"I'm alright, just couldn't sleep," he replied plainly, for it would have been lame to have to admit that he had a bad dream, "I didn't wake you did I?"

"No, I just got a little cold and woke up," he turns his attention away from Kevin and looks at the TV, "Which episode is this?"

Kevin had to pause the episode in order for Netflix to display the information, "Tears of the Prophet's."

"You've seen it right?"

"Yeah, it's my third time watching this series," Kevin explained as he started the episode back up, revealing just how deep his dorky side ran.

Edd snickers softly as he spoke, "I'll be sure to bring you down a pocket protector the next time I'm here," his bodies desire to go back to sleep was evident in the strength of his voice. Recognizing the scene that had just started, Edd realized what episode this was but asks for confirmation, "Isn't this the one where Jadzia dies."

"Yep," Kevin confirmed, "Believe me, I cried the first time I watched it."

"Poor Worf," Edd pulls the blanket up to his nose as the drama unfolds.

"I know right, and they just announced their plans to have a baby too," Kevin motions with his hand at the TV for emphasis, "The writers of this series really tried to hit you where it hurts toward the end."

Edd pokes his mouth back out from under the covers, "Plenty of red shirts have died over the years, but main characters, now that's rare."

"Yeah, Spock was the most notable death in the franchise," Kevin added as Edd adjusts his position under the blanket to get more comfortable, causing their feet touch.

"Don't forget about Kirk or Data."

Kevin teased, bringing his hand up to his mouth to feign shock, "Oh, silly me," the joke and the atmosphere between them had increased Edd's sense of relief. For after the day Kevin had yesterday, Edd had been worried that he would still be feeling the effects of the depression he had suffered. Hence his concern when he had woken up alone in bed and had heard the TV in the other room, since insomnia can be one of the symptoms of depression.

Edd nudges his foot against Kevin's, "I'm glad you're feeling better."

Kevin casts his eyes down to the coffee table in front of him, feeling shame for the way he had acted towards Edd yesterday, "What would be the point of dwelling on it?"

"Well, it means you're human you know, and it's alright to feel hurt by them," he reassured him, "It's part of the healing process."

Kevin already knew this, and he still felt the sting of sadness when he thought about it which is why he didn't want to focus on it or talk about it at the moment. Instead he wanted to focus on the things that gave him strength and hope for the future, his friends who were more like family to him and the man sitting beside him. He pulls back the blanket and stands as he speaks, "Hey since we're both up, why don't we go get some breakfast." Edd hummed as he thought about his offer, accepting the fact that Kevin was changing the subject, "Unless you want to go back to sleep."

"Oh no, I'm alright," the grogginess in his voice wasn't at all convincing and Kevin cocks a brow at him, "Really, I'm awwwaaakkkkee," he yawned.

"Whatever doooorrkk," he sympathetically yawns himself and turns around to head for his bedroom to get dress, "Just hurry up and get ready."

"Whatever, now I feel like taking my time," Edd teased with a light laugh as he got up off the couch and started towards the bathroom, earning him a disbelieving chuckle from Kevin. And try as he might to fulfill his teasing promise, he was dressed and back out in the living room within a decent amount of time, only having made Kevin wait a few minutes on him. Earning him a knowing look from the red head as stepped back into the room, "Fine whatever," he groaned, "I'm OCD on my punctuality, let's just get going."

Kevin leads the way down to the car and drives them across the bridge into Indiana and the city of Autumn Heights which was right across the river from Summerville, and the beginning leg of their trip to take Edd home. Stopping at a Waffle House along the interstate to have their breakfast, filling their time as they waited with light conversation, doing their best to avoid any landmine topics such as politics and religion. But landmines are inevitable, even with simple curiosity, "I know that you and Nat dated for a couple of years."

"For nine years," Edd replied then sipped his coffee.

"So, who did you all get together?"

"Why the sudden curiosity," Edd cocks a brow at him as he was trying to figure out his motives behind the question.

Kevin suddenly felt a little anxious, was this a topic one he should steer clear of, "I'm just wanting to learn about the things that went on in your life since high school." But in fact, he was just curious about how Nat had won over the dorks heart in such a way that their relationship lasted so long.

Edd had to agree that it was logical that he would be curious, for there were things in Kevin's life he was dying to ask about but was too afraid of trudging up old painful memories. Like the friend that he shared with Alice and Rave that didn't survive the war, for if he was someone that meant that much to Kevin then he had to be someone worth knowing, even if he only got to know about him through Kevin's memories. "Well, as you already know, Nat was there for me through my divorce and supported me emotionally during the tough times I went through. A year after that, he was promoted and moved back down from Indy to take over the plant in Evansville which naturally increased the amount of time we spent together. Over the course of the next year we did normal things friends do, like going to the movies or having dinner together at one another's homes or just simply doing stupid stuff, like going to bars, carnivals or amusement parks. But looking back at it now I see that we were slowly building a bond over time that went beyond our friendship, and when he confessed his feelings for me under the stars of Yosemite there was no other answer for me but yes." Edd nostalgically smiled at the fond memories that filled his mind as he averted his eyes away from Kevin, casting them down to the table.

"So then why did you break up?" Kevin regretted asking that question the instant the words left his mouth.

"Um, I told him that I didn't want to get married again," Kevin could see the regret in Edd's eyes.

"Oh," was his simple response.

"Yeah, I didn't want to ruin what we had by placing a label on it and in doing so ruined what we had." Edd paused and picked at his hash browns then reluctantly continued, "The truth was, I didn't want to go through the loss again, you know, getting my hopes up that this might last, only to find out that it didn't, so I subconsciously caused it to end."

"He still cares about you," Kevin reaches across the table, absentmindedly reaching for Edd's hand to comfort him.

"I know he does," Edd retracts his hand out of reflex because they were in a public space, "I love him, and I know he still loves me. We just lost something that day that we could never get back, so do you mind if we drop the subject."

"Sure, sorry I didn't mean to," Kevin was feeling guilty for bringing up the bad memories.

"It's alright, I know you didn't mean any harm," Edd reassured him and took a deep breath to let out slowly to relieve his anxiety for revealing a little too much about himself.

The conversation between them staled for the next few minutes as they finished up their breakfast, neither one quite sure how to repair the mild tension that had formed between them. As a small way of apology, Kevin paid for both their meals and swore to himself to steer clear of personal question for the remainder of the day. Slowly easing them back into conversation once they were in the car with topics of movies they wanted to see, the Marvel superhero movies coming out later that year was top on both of their lists. The conversation was brief however as Edd fell asleep on him twenty minutes into the drive home as the soft classical music Kevin had chosen to help ease the tension had lulled him to sleep. Kevin, who was used to running on fumes had no trouble staying awake for the next two hours by himself, allowing Edd to rest comfortably as he drove. Only waking him once they had reached Evansville to get the directions he needed to get to his house. Cutting the engine once he pulled up to the curb out front, "What are you doing next weekend?"

"Nothing much really, probably just job hunting on the internet," Edd replied as he unbuckled his seatbelt, "Why?"

Kevin smiles nervously, "Do you want to go out and do something with me next Saturday?"

"Um," Edd thought about it but had to decline, "I don't know if I'll have the money to get down there."

"Then I'll come get you," Kevin hoped that didn't sound as desperate as he thought it did.

"That's a lot of traveling Kevin," Edd felt happy that Kevin would offer, but ten hours on the road would be a bit too much to ask him to do.

"Then there's got to be something we could do around here," he offered a compromise.

"Nothing to write home about."

"Ah," Kevin audibly stopped him from making more excuses, "I'll find us something to do, all you have to do is just say yes."

"Okay, then yes," there was a bubbling excitement in Edd's chest upon Kevin's insistence that he tried to hide behind a calm demeanor, "It would be my pleasure to see you next week."

"Cool," Kevin's face lit up with a smile as his own heart beat with excitement for the upcoming weekend.

Edd opens the car door and places his foot on the pavement, "I'll see you then," and steps out of the car.

"Edd," Kevin calls out and leans over to try and get a better look at him as Edd leans back down to look into the car. Upon catching Edd's blue eyes, all of Kevin's train of thought evaporated into thin air leaving him speechless for a few seconds as he tried to come up with something to say, "Um, take care."

"You too, drive safe," and Edd leans back up to close the door as Kevin admonishes himself for not thinking of something better to say before driving off to head home to research things to do in Evansville for their "date".


	21. We Found Love

Love Looks Not with the Eyes Chapter 21 – We Found Love

 **A/N- In a hopeless place. The song for the title is sung by Rihanna. As a reminder Edd's son will be called Double D and his Kevin will be called Anthony.**

When Kevin returned to his apartment in Summerville that Sunday afternoon after dropping Edd off at his home, he went straight to work looking for something fun for them to do together the following weekend. Hopping on his computer he did a quick internet search for attractions and found that the moderately sized town that Edd lived in had a couple of places that might be of interest to the two of them. There were several museums of note in the Evansville area that ranged in theme from classic cars to modern and historic art, then there were the more educational venues of an African American history museum to a wartime history museum. But a thought strikes Kevin's mind that Edd might not be in the mood for culture that day, and he continues his search for alternatives. Finding that the area also had a few parks that they could laze away their day in together, having a nice picnic for two under a shade tree or going for a casual hike along a nature trail. And if for some reason that option didn't strike Edd's fancy there was always the local zoo and its exhibits of exotic animals and flowers. Kevin had to admit that he was surprised at how many choices there were to choose from, he had expected the smaller town to have very little in the ways of activities and was thanking god that she had the foresight of giving him so many options to choose from for a proper date.

But did Edd consider this a date? Or was he still only thinking of it as two reconciling friends rebuilding the burnt down bridge between them? "Stop thinking to much," Kevin admonished himself as he gently slaps his cheeks in time with his words for emphasis, "You have to stay positive." If Edd was still thinking this way, Kevin was going to make damn sure that he understood his intents this weekend by showing him an unforgettable night and making it perfectly clear to him just how much he still meant to him.

Over the course of the week Kevin attended to his day to day life by getting up and going to work, as well as occasionally going out to dinner with colleges afterwards and attending his AA and NA meetings as they were scheduled. But in the back of his mind he daydreamed about the upcoming weekend, imagining what their day together would be like, would it be warm and fuzzy or standoffish and awkward? He even mulled over a few scenarios in his head as he wondered how Edd would react to his confession of still having feelings for him. Some of these scenarios were good, while others were down right catastrophic and only got worse as each one chewed away at his already fragile confidence.

But he would stay positive, telling himself that they were all just in his head and that the worst thing that Edd would probably do is to tell him that he was flattered that he felt that way but didn't share his feelings. After that they would simply just drift apart slowly, as communication between them would become scarce, until one day they were no longer in each other's lives again. And this is what he calls being positive, but can we blame him? He has after all just been disowned by the vast majority of his family, and though he put up a brave front for the world, he was still reeling from the depression that was crashing against his very soul like thunderous waves against the shore. The nightmares about the war were back and once again as frequent as they were when he first arrived home from Germany. He was once again forced to relive the day that Plank had died, as well as his own near-death experience, every time he went to sleep. Probably having been spurred back into life from his father's cruel words, that he had wished he had died in that war, to spare them the shame of his coming out and perceived sexual perversion.

To combat this growing negativity, he did his best to focus on his goal of expressing his feelings to Edd, regardless of the outcome, for if we never venture out into the world and take a chance on making ourselves happy, we would forever be stuck in unfulfilled expectations. To help stay on track and keep his focus positive he would contact Alice and Rave to ask for advice and what they thought about his plans for their little outing. Both approving on his original museum idea, for though a night out playing pool or going dancing was fun and exciting, culture made for an a plus date in their opinions and would be right up Edd's alley.

By Friday evening Kevin was in a nervous hyperactive mood, rushing to the mall to go shopping after he got off work to buy a few things that he decided he needed at the last second for the big day tomorrow. A new outfit for starters, some of his favorite cologne and razors that he just realized he was out of, along with a haircut to make himself look presentable. His idea for the outfit was to look casual and natural to his normal everyday attire but hopefully look new and fresh, as he thought buying something to formal looking would scream of too much desperation on his part. Snapping a picture in the dressing room as he tried on his new clothes, he sends it to both Rave and Alice in their Facebook group chat, asking them for their opinions on his choice, but getting no reply from either of them straight away. "Their probably busy," he thought to himself and decided that his initial thought about the outfit was the correct choice and went ahead and purchased the items. All in all, spending a little over one-hundred and fifty dollars on his preparations for what he hoped would be a successful first date.

Getting into his car he makes his way home filled with confidence that he was well on his way to showing the dork just how much he meant to him. As he drove through rush hour traffic on the Rosa Parks freeway, he hears the familiar tone of his Facebook messenger notifying him that one of his friends had responded to his query. Avoiding the itch to check his phone and see their response, he waits till he gets home before unlocking the device and opening the app to see a gif of the 1960's batman rubbing his chin in thought. Rave apparently didn't approve of the outfit but was being subtle about it, "Maybe too casual," he types out, "Oh god," then hits send.

"I will say, it is a bit on the casual side," Alice added, at least she was being honest and not holding back on her opinion, "But it's cute."

Kevin groans out in frustration, for his frantic mind had interpreted that as saying, oh honey you've fucked up, "I was thinking that if I bought something to nice I would just look desperate," he drops the shopping bag on his bed and plops down beside it.

Alice quickly responds, lightly poking fun at him in hopes of making him laugh off his worries, "There's the problem darling, you were thinking too much," but only succeeding in making him feel worse, "So have you decided on where you're going?"

"Do you have a sweater," Rave chimes in simultaneously with Alice's last question, "Something nice, but not to flashy?"

Kevin gets up off his bed and starts to look through his closet as he uses talk to text to respond, "Out to eat at a steak house, then probably to the art museum," hitting send without looking at his phone as he pulls a sweater out of the closet and tries it on.

Positioning himself in front of his bedroom mirror he unlocks his phone again and takes a quick picture then sends it as Alice replies to his last text. "Well you take your fork and knife and use them to cut up your food into bit size portions then politely insert it into your mouth and chew." He was confused at first as to her smart-ass response but quickly got his answer when he notices that his last sentence said how to eat at a steak house instead of out to eat. Would their robot overlord just go ahead and fix this by learning all the worlds languages already?

He didn't get much of a chance to respond to her as Rave was already voicing his disapproval of his latest choice, "AWWWWWWWW."

Looking at the photo again, then at himself in the mirror he realizes something, "I look like my dad, don't I?"

"Just a little," Rave responded, "But your still cute, you rock the old guy look."

"You've got a leather jacket right," Alice cuts in.

"Of course," he responded, knowing that she knew full well that he did, so why ask.

"Just put that on over your new shirt and you'll be fine, it will look casual but also sexy, trust me." Following her advice, he pulls off the sweater and tosses it upon the bed, quickly pulling his new shirt out of the bag he puts it on along with his jacket and snaps a photo, sending it to them for approval, "YES, that's the look right there, you got this."

"Damn," Rave exclaimed, "Edd will be melting into your arms in no time."

Kevin unknowingly blushes at the compliment, "Thank for your help guys."

"No problem darling, that's what friends are for," Alice responded, sending him a YouTube link to the classic 80's song a few seconds later as Rave added his two cents, in affect cutting him off.

"Now go get your man," he resent it just to annoy Alice.

"Say a prayer for me," Kevin responded, feeling that he could use all the help he could get, both from this world and the next.

"We'll pray, but you got this," Alice reassured him.

"Thanks, I feel better already," he lied, his nerves were on a fucking rollercoaster ride in his stomach right now and he felt like he was going to puke any minute now.

"Just let us know how it goes," Rave insisted before signing off the app followed shortly by Alice after she also said her farewells.

Kevin's dreams that night were troubled, though not in the usual wartime, bullets flying everywhere kind of way that he has been suffering over the past week. No, tonight he found himself back at the skating rink of his youth as Talking in Your Sleep by The Romantics played over the speakers and the masses of young teenagers skated around the floor. A familiar figure takes his seat beside him and Kevin could feel the burden of his worries lift off his shoulder, "What are you still doing here," he asks as he leans his head upon his friend's shoulder.

"I'm always here," Plank's deep voice could be heard as his arm wraps around Kevin to comfort him, "Right here," and points to his heart with his free hand, giving his chest a gentle tap with his finger. "The real question is, what are you doing here?"

"I don't know," Kevin answered as he looked at his younger self, who stood across the room from him looking over at the dork who was sitting upon a bench on the other side of the food court from him eating nachos. The younger Kevin was having a small debate with himself on whether or not he should go over and talk to the boy who had somehow made his heart beat faster and filled him with a warm pleasant feeling. Even though he was doing his damnedest at the moment to denying to himself what those feelings truly meant.

"I think you do," Plank nudged, trying to get Kevin to analyze his own dream. The older more experienced Kevin now accepted the fact that his heart had been stolen the moment he had reached out his hand to help Edd up off the floor. The instant he had clearly gazed into those deep blue eyes for the first time had sealed his fate and set him on a path that would lead him to where he was now, hopelessly love sick and burning for his touch just like he was at this very moment all those years ago.

"I'm reminding myself that I would do anything for him, even if I make a fool out of myself doing it."

"Exactly, but you'll know the right time to do it, though tomorrow aint it. So, I would suggest you get some rest, for you're going to need it," Plank gets up from his seat next to him and starts to walk toward the exit as the younger Kevin made his move.

"But I am sleeping now, so can't we sit and talk for a while, I miss you buddy," Kevin could feel his worries deepen now that his friend was no longer by his side.

Plank turns back around and looks his friend in the eyes with a comforting smile upon his face, "No can do," his strong conviction causing Kevin to pout. "Aw, don't give me that look man, we'll see each other soon enough, trust me. The ladies gave me a task to do and I'm almost finished, I've only got a few more loose ends to tie up and it'll be a job well done," he claps his hands together as though he was closing a book, "And then I'll get my reward. Besides I'm going to be busy tonight anyways, I've got to clear a few more of my things out of Rave's heart," his eyes looked sad at the thought, but his resolve at what needed to be done was clearly evident upon his face. "Apparently, I've got to make more room for the other big mouthed idiot that's moving in, I can't be a stingy roommate you know, it's just bad manners."

"But doesn't that hurt you? The fact that Rave is pushing your memory aside I mean," Kevin's heart was breaking for his friend, he knew that Rave couldn't hold on to him indefinitely, but to forget him all together in place of his currently love, somehow felt wrong.

"I never said I was leaving him," Plank slowly started to make his way back toward him, "I'm just sharing him now, there will always be a small bit of me in his heart, no matter how long it's been or who he's with. Besides, this is the thing about love that you must understand Kevin, sometimes you have to let go of the ones you love in order to show them that you really care about them. For to hold on to it with an iron tight grasp will do nothing but strangle the life out of it until there is no love left to be given, or received." Stopping in front of him he cups Kevin's cheek in his right hand, "Now sleep and get some rest, believe me, you're going to need it," leaning down he kisses him upon the forehead and the dream fades away as if like smoke blown away by the wind.

Kevin wakes suddenly to the dawning of a new day as the light of the morning sun seeped into his bedroom from the open curtains in his window, the sound of his default ringtone blaring from his bedside table. Picking up the device he turns it over and looks at the screen and sees an unfamiliar phone number with an 812 area code and hits the answer button to greet the person in a groggy voice, "Hello."

"I'm so sorry Kevin, I didn't mean to wake you," Edd's voice comes out of the speaker loud and clear.

"Its alright," he replied as he fell back into bed as a thought entered his head, "How did you get my number?" Not that he wouldn't have given Edd his number, it's just that the subject has never been broached again since the night of their reunion, when they had decided that talking on Facebook messenger would be more comfortable for the time being.

"Alice gave it to me," that made since, she was the only one they both knew who would be up this early.

"So what's up, are you calling to see if we're still on for today," Kevin pauses and groans slightly as he stretches, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.

"Kind of," came Edd's meek response.

"Cause, I was thinking that we could meet up at the steakhouse on Hebron Avenue."

"Yeah, about that," Edd tried to get a word in, but Kevin was still half asleep and was not fully registering what Edd was trying to say.

"And from there we can go to that nice little art museum you all have," we all know that Kevin is clueless at the best of times, well let me tell you, half asleep Kevin takes the cake. Back in the day it was Nat's favorite thing to get Kevin to agree to one of his crazy ideas when he was half asleep, then try and hold him to it once he was awake, nearly conning his friend out of his bike once.

"Kevin."

"And then maybe if we have time," Yeah, Kevin was relaxed, so relaxed that he didn't realize where his hand was going as it slide down his belly toward his boxers while all the dirty thoughts he wanted to do to Edd played in his mind.

And Edd needing to get out what he needed to say raises his voice slightly, "Kevin!"

Kevin jumps slightly, waking up just a little bit more from his sudden jolt and removes his hand form around his morning wood, "Yeah, what, I'm here."

"I've been trying to tell you that I can't make it today," Edd finally got out and Kevin physically deflates.

"Oh."

"I'm sorry, but I've suddenly got to go out of town for the weekend, I've got an appointment I have to keep on Monday and the only way I can do that is if I stay at my friends," Edd's words sounded sincere, so Kevin wasn't going to fight their validity, but damn if the disappointment didn't hurt. "I should be back in town by Tuesday night, and I'm assuming you've also got next weekend off as well, right," he paused for Kevin to confirm his suspicions, which he did with a hum, "So how about we get together then and I'll make it up to you."

"Yeah, that sounds good," Kevin tried to keep the tone of his voice naturel as to not give away how he was currently feeling.

"Then it's settled, I'll call you when I get back and know what's going on and we'll make plans then."

"Yeah, cool," he replied but his thoughts didn't mirror his mouth, _"No that's not cool Edd,"_ he lets out a deep sigh to calm himself down, _"but I guess I just have to accept that life happens and that unavoidable things do come up from time to time."_ "Well, I guess I'll talk to you when you get back," oh fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, why was he feeling so defeated all of the sudden? Edd was at least courtesy enough to call him and let him know that he couldn't make it today, it wasn't like he stood him up and made him wait at the restaurant for an hour before calling.

"Thanks for understanding Kevin, I'll talk to you when I get back" and the phone hangs up in Kevin's ear, did he imagine it, or did Edd also sound disappointed just now.

" _Nah, he's probably just making the whole thing up to get out of today,"_ Kevin thought as he rolled over onto his side and curled in on himself hugging one of his spare pillows to his chest, after all depression is a bitch. "I feel so stupid for getting excited about today, I mean what was I really expecting? That we would run off into the sunset together in slow motion with corny music playing?" The phone that he still clutched in his hands started to vibrate and the familiar ring tone of Boom! I Fucked Your Boyfriend by 20 Fingers started playing. Swiping his finger across the screen, he answers the phone, "What is it Alice," the ring tone was a fond memory of one of Alice's more unforgettable shows.

"How are you doing sweetie?"

Kevin clears his throat and rolls back over onto his back, "I'm fine."

"I'm sorry sweetie, I know you were looking forward to today," her tone was soft and comforting.

"I'm alright, at least he called," Kevin let out a groan as he released his anxieties.

"It'll be alright, he's coming back, he just had things he needed to take care of," she was right, and Kevin knew that, it was just when all his nervous excitement suddenly disappeared he found that all that was left in its wake was a void, and that was unsettling. To divert Kevin's attention away from the current situation they spent the next twenty minutes on the phone just talking, like old friends do, discussing their everyday lives and their hopes for the things to come. Continuing where they left off a short time later when he arrived at their front door to have breakfast with their family, after all both Alice and Kev thought of him and Rave as the uncles of their children. The newest member of the Anderson family was a sixteen-year-old girl who went by the name of Raven, her real name being Racheal Lee McCallister. The youth, who had dyed her natural blonde hair black, and was isolating herself from the rest of the family who were sitting in the breakfast nook by sitting at the counter poking at her pancakes with disdain. Her black pants and grunge rock T-shirt reminded Kev of a certain individual when they were younger, and he knew that the young lady would be warming up to them in no time under her care. It was her first week in the house after all, and a period of adjustment is to be expected, hell it took Alister two whole weeks before he would say more then one word to them.

The warm and welcoming feeling of a loving family soothed Kevin's heart, it filled him with joy to know that he played a small part in brings these children into a safe environment so that they could grow up happy and healthy, feeling normal and loved. The looks of joy on his friend's faces was thanks enough for him, as he had somehow brought four hearts together to form a bound that would last a lifetime. This was just the thing he needed to start his week off on the right foot and not on the sour note of a canceled "date", even though it technically wasn't a date, but an opportunity.

His Monday was spent trying not to think about Edd whenever he wasn't occupied with another task, which of course made him think about Edd at every free moment his mind had. This thinking made him realize that he was once again back at the starting line wracking his brain to try and figure out what he was going to do to make it clear to Edd that he was his everything and always has been. Tuesday was much better as he concentrated on his work and trusted that Edd would be calling him later tonight when he got home. But when he laid down for bed that evening, still with no word from Edd, is when his anxiety really started to kick in. He laid there staring up at the ceiling telling himself that he was probably still on the road and wouldn't get home until later that night, that he probably wouldn't hear from him until tomorrow. That call did not come until Thursday evening as Kevin sat on his couch eating his dinner as he watched a few episodes of Shameless on Netflix. "I'm so sorry Kevin," Edd's voice came through the speaker franticly, "I know that I told you I would call by Tuesday, but things have been hectic here. My trip was unavoidably extended, and my gracious hosts have been kind enough to let me stay for the rest of the week. I know I should have called you sooner, but I haven't been getting back till late in the evening and I didn't want to disturb you or wake you up."

Edd's voice sounded deeply sincere and his nervous habit was coming out, which told Kevin that he meant every word that he said. And as much as his petty side told him that he should at least be a little upset with him, he just didn't have the heart to stay mad, "Has anyone ever told you that you talk a lot when your nervous?"

"A few have said as much, including yourself," his voice was slowly calming down, but the anxiousness was still there as he continued, "I'm sorry Kevin."

"It's alright dork, I get it, life happens," he pauses to take in a deep breath and to let it out slowly, "So when are you going to be back in town?" Please say you'll be back by the weekend, please don't say Monday, he privately prayed.

"Tomorrow night," a brief pause, "Should I call you then or wait…"

Kevin interrupted him before he could finish his sentence, "Yeah, call me as soon as you make it home, I don't care what time it is," admonishing himself for his rudeness and for the desperation that was clearly noticeable in his voice.

Edd stumbled for a minute as he tried to form a proper response, "Ok, I'll call you then," was all that he could come up with as he spoke softly.

"Ok."

"I, I should probably get to bed, I've got an early day tomorrow," Edd's voice sounded like it had a tremble to it, as though he was holding something back.

"Goodnight Edd, sleep well."

"You too Kevin," the call ends a moment after Edd's farewell, leaving Kevin alone to ponder what exactly was going on in Edd's life right now that kept him away from home for so long. He didn't want to be rude and ask him his personal business, he felt that if it was something important like his father's health and Edd wanted to talk about it, he would have. Anything else at their current relationship status other than waiting for Edd to tell him what was going on would feel like he was poking his nose in where it didn't belong. But he was certain of one thing, that he would eventually find out what it was with time, but right now, the not knowing left him feeling uneasy and aware of the distance between them.

At least he would only have to wait until tomorrow to find out when he would get his chance to make a fool out of himself and expose his feelings to Edd. And that day drug on as if it had no end, it felt like it took even longer than a typical Friday for the work day to finally come to its conclusion and allow him to head home. Arriving at his apartment that evening he did all that he could to keep his mind off the immanent phone call he anxiously waited for. Everything from taking another shower to cooking dinner before watching a few episodes of IZombie up until he crawled into bed to catch up on some reading which would help him fall asleep. The ringtone he set for Edd of Hey Jude pulled him out of the epic battle for Helm's Deep and focused his attention on the device. Answering the call, he was quickly cut off as Edd started to talk immediately, "I'm still on the road, but I wanted to call you before you fell asleep."

"It's alright dork, it's not that late and I'm still reading," Kevin replied as he closed his book with his forefinger marking his spot.

"Cool," Edd breathed out with a sigh of relief, "OK, so, we're going to be having the boy's bachelor party tomorrow night and I would like you to come join us."

It wasn't the ideal situation for some one on one time with Edd, but it would have to do, "I would be glad to come." But why is he doing it three weeks out? It isn't unheard of, his was done well in advance of his wedding, but aren't they typically done the weekend before and in a lot of cases the night before the wedding.

"Cool," Edd sounded excited that he had agreed, "So, it's going to be at The Dock, I know, I know, cliché, but it's both of theirs party and what better way to celebrate it then a night of dancing. Besides it was such short notice that it was the only place Alice and I could think of to have it and accommodate everyone the boys might invite."

"Hey, it sounds perfect to me," Kevin assured him, "You have the piano bar for the older crowd, the dance floor for the boys and their friends, the drag show for those who want entertainment and the strip bar where we will find Nat."

Kevin could hear the chatter of two woman in the background over the sounds of the road, "I think Rave might kill him if he finds him in there. But you know those were exactly the same reasons Alice suggested the place, down to the letter."

"Hey, you know what they say, great minds think alike," Kevin chuckled at the old saying, as if he could ever be as smart as Alice is.

Edd however chuckled lightly with him, "Well, I'm driving so I've got to get off here, I just wanted to let you know what was going on tomorrow," a brief pause as though he was waiting for Kevin to say something but then continues, "Ok, so I'll see you then."

"I wouldn't miss it."

"Cool," Edd paused again, waiting for something, the low sound of the two women filling the background before Edd continued, "Well, bye."

The line disconnects as Kevin said, "Bye," bringing the phone from his ear he locks the device and places it on his bedside table again as he jumps out of bed and rushes to the closet to pull out his new outfit and inspect it for wrinkles. God he was wide awake now and he knew he needed to get some sleep if he was going to be any good tomorrow night, but he just couldn't with this shirt looking like this. He spent the next half hour ironing that shirt until he was satisfied that it looked presentable before climbing back into bed, now that he was sleepy once again since his current worries had subsided. Sleeping well into the afternoon the next day as he was physically and emotionally drained from the lapse of depression he had been quietly suffering through along with the constant anxiety over Edd he had been dealing with for two weeks.

Crawling out of his bed Kevin took a quick shower, ate his breakfast and ironed his shirt again before texting Edd to ask what time he should be there tonight. "Nine," was the simple response he got to his inquire, leaving Kevin five hours to kill before then, which he filled with reading.

As the appointed hour drew near, Kevin rushed to get ready, cleaning himself up with a shave then changing into his new outfit before styling his hair with moose. Grabbing his helmet from the table in the hall and his keys from the hook by the door, he quickly made his way down the stairs of his building to the parking area out back where his Harley sat waiting for him to mount her and make the short trip to the bar. Arriving at the front doors to The Dock at a quarter passed nine, he steps through and pays his cover charge then receives his stamp on his right hand before making his way into the dance bar. Looking around the practically empty room, he knew from experience that most of the patrons who came to the bar this early in the evening would be in the show room enjoying the first drag performance of the night. And that those who only came here to dance wouldn't arrive until somewhere between ten to ten thirty, right after the first show ended, and thus made his way to the show room to look for his friends.

Stepping into the room he sees Anita Fellatio up on stage with the mic in her hand calling out to the crowd "Hey all you queers, we've got a little something special happening here tonight," she looks around the room and quickly spots the table. "Two of my very dear, and very old, friends have decided to invite us all to their bachelor party," she begins to walk down the steps of the stage to the main floor and towards the group sitting in the front, "Apparently, one of them has a son who is getting married soon to a handsome young red head." She steps around the table and ruffles the beanie on top of Double D's head as Kevin begins to walk in their direction, "Stand up you two and show all these hopelessly single queens just how cute you are."

Double D and Anthony both stand up and turn around to face the crowd as Kevin reaches the table, D's face was painted a bright red with embarrassment as Wendy and Stan along with their group of friends cheered wildly for them. "Hey guys, I'm sorry I'm late," Kevin apologized as he sat in the seat saved form him between Alice and Edd, noticing Tina and Patty at the other end of the table he waves to them.

Anthony was holding on to Double D's hand as Anita fawned over them, "Aw, they're so cute and sweet it almost gives me a tooth ache." She looks over at an older gentleman who sat at a nearby table looking at the couple with a happy smile on his face and barks, "Hands off Steven, they're not a two for one special on the corner of oak and come fuck me." The man takes her lude joke in good humor, letting out a hearty laugh as he waved off her insinuation. Turning back to the crowd she continues as she reaches into her purse which rested on the crook of her arm, "Anyway, in the spirit of the event, I've prepared a little something special for the two of you," pulling out a can of whip cream she displayed it to the audience.

Alice quickly stands up and leans in to whisper something to Anita, as the blood drains from Double D's face and Anthony looks irritated. The older drag queen hummed her understanding a few times as Alice spoke before continuing, "Ok, gotcha, well damn, now what am I going to do with this?" She shakes the can in her hand for emphasis, then smiles broadly as an idea forms in her head, "So which one of you fags want to lick this shit off a stripper's nipple?" As she finished her sentence two very handsome, scantily clad and well-defined and endowed strippers step onto the stage carrying chairs that they placed in the middle as Anita walks back up to join them. Popping the cap off the can, she sprays just a little bit upon the blonde's nipple to her right and seductively licks it off herself, "Hmm, yummy."

Now that the attention was off them, both Double D and Anthony take their seats again as D exclaims, "Shit."

Looking around the table Kevin was glad to see that he wasn't the last person to arrive and asks Edd, "Where's Rave and Nat?"

"They're running a little late, but they will be here, apparently Rave couldn't got out of work until closing time."

"His uncles a stickler about that now," Kev added from across the table, "Since he used to just leave in the middle of a shift when he was kid."

"Which I'm sure you and Plank had something to do with that," Alice chided her husband, and the man couldn't help but look a little guilty at her accusation. The show continued with a little impromptu game of beer pong stripper lick in which both contestants purposefully did horrible at to earn their punishment of too many calories served upon tempting flesh. After the game the show continued as normal with the exception that a few of the ladies took to the floor to tease the boys in the spirit of their party and forced the two of them to dance with them. With Anthony taking the lead Double D's red cheeks quickly returned to their normal hue and he flowed in time with the music.

Once the show had ended, the group was made its way to the main dance floor, but along the way both Anthony and Double D were pelted with congratulations and warm handshakes from a few of the other patrons. This forced their group of friends to circle round them, if for nothing more then to keep them moving in the right direction quickly. "God, people love the idea of a good wedding," Kevin smiled warmly at the thought.

Edd looked over at him and found his smile contagious, "Well there is something heartwarming about it, wouldn't you agree. I mean a lot of the people here were denied that opportunity for most of their lives, so you can't blame them for being happy that this generation will never know that hardship."

"Yeah it is a good feeling," Kevin's heart felt warm with happiness for his cousin and his fiancé, to know that they're whole lives were still ahead of them and that they would get to start it together, equally with their peers.

"HEY GUYS, we're here," Rave calls out to them as they exited the show room and he made his way toward them with open arms.

"Finally," Nat added as he came over to stand beside Kevin while Rave greeted and congratulated both grooms. "Congratulations, Edd," Nat added as he playfully punched the older man in the bicep.

Earning him a stern look from his friend, "Thanks Nat," was his annoyed reply before continuing forward to head to the bar.

"What was that about," Kevin asked as he looked over at the blond while pointing in the direction Edd had walked off in.

Nat gives an over exaggerated smile as he raises his eyebrows and shrugs his shoulders, "Guess I stepped on a landmine," then walks over to the boys to greet them, leaving Kevin alone to ponder these events.

"He's just got a big mouth," Tina announced as she walked up from behind Kevin.

"What are you two doing here," he asks as he wraps his arms around each of them for a group hug.

"We came down for the party," Patty answered.

"What you don't want to see us?" Tina pulls back and feigns annoyance then softened up and added, "Edd invited us."

"Its good to see you," this was another pleasant surprise that lifted Kevin's spirits, "I didn't think you were coming down until the wedding."

Tina leans forward and teases, "Are you trying to say that we might get in your way Casanova?"

He turns around and wraps his arms around both their shoulders and starts to lead them in the direction Edd had taken, "No, actually I think you're going to be a big help."

"That's what I like to hear," Patty replied as she put her arm around Kevin's hip and followed his lead.

The three of them found the shorter salt and peppered haired man at the bar sipping on the straw of his cocktail as Derek and Tim talked to him. "Again Edd, we're both so happy for you," Kevin heard Derek say as they walked up behind the group.

"Hey there buddy," Tim addressed Kevin with a wide mischievous smile upon his face.

"Hey," he replied in a flat tone as he leaned up against the bar behind Edd, forcing the dork to turn slightly to see him and the rest of his friends.

The smile did not leave Tim's face as he continued to speak, "I just heard and it looks like you're not getting your.."

"Hey Tim," Tina interrupted and took the man by the arm, turning him roughly around, "Why don't you help an old lady get something out of the back of Edd's car."

"Oh, yeah sure," he agreed as she drug him away ruffly.

Kevin could hear the beginning of her scolding him as they walked away, "Listen here you little shit, I like you but don't you fucking dare," the conversation dying away as they were now out of ear shot due to the music's volume.

"What was that all about," Kevin asked, a bit puzzled by this turn of events and whatever it was Tim was talking about. What had he just heard and what was it he wasn't getting?

"I don't have a clue what he's talking about," Derek replied loudly as the music was making it hard to communicate, "I love the man, but sometimes he can be a bit of an ass."

" _Damn right he's an ass,"_ Kevin thought to himself but kept his mouth shut.

"Maybe something he just overheard," Edd shouted, "And wanted to use it to ruffle your feathers." Edd had learned a long time ago that Tim had no love for Kevin, as he had relentlessly blasted the man once he had found out what their fight in high school was really about.

"Why do you even like that guy," Kevin asked Edd in a loud voice and Derek gives him a stern disapproving look.

"What?" Edd shouts back as the beat had picked up and the base was really thumping at the moment.

"I said," Kevin started, but was stopped when Patty pulls on his arm and motions for everyone to follow her.

Going into the hallway that connected the dance bar to the piano bar and strip bar reduced the noise level substantially, and they were now able to talk to each other in a more normal volume. "Why don't we talk in here, it will be much more peaceful," she pulls open the frosted glass door and begins to walk it.

"You all go on with out me," Derek says as he motions over his shoulder with his thumb, "I'm going to go find Tim."

"Alright," Patty replied, "But he's getting his ass chewed out by Tina, so it might be a minute," she smiles curtly at her long-time friend, bids him farewell then walks into the bar. This section of The Dock was decorated to look like it had just come out of an old nineteen forties movie, with its polished black long bar hugging the right wall, a metal helical staircase on the right leading up to the second floor balcony and outside smoking area. Against the far wall from the door stood a small raised stage with a white stage curtain framing the backdrop, a black baby grand piano sat unattended in the left corner beside it while rows of small round tables draped with white table clothes sat around the floor in front of the stage. The room was lighted with decorative glass sconces along the walls and an intricate glass chandelier hanging from the ceiling.

Currently the piano bar was hosting its weekly Karaoke night, with its usual small crowd of patrons that lived to sing their favorite songs with their friends. As Edd and Patty took their seats at one of the tables close to the stage, Kevin decided he would sing something and went up to the booth to sign up. Joining his friends at their table a few minutes later, he leans back in his chair and taps his fingers on the table along to the music as he nervously waited his turn. Edd being the inquisitive type as ever, leans over and ask, "So what are you singing?"

"You'll see," Kevin motions with his left hand as he spoke, "It's just a little something that's been playing in my head recently."

"Oh," Edd mouthed the word more then actually saying it, "So what were you saying earlier," Kevin cocked a brow at his question, did he really want to know, "You know before we left the other bar?"

Patty cut in before Kevin could answer, "Edd, I think we should leave that topic alone."

"I was just wondering, ow," Kevin was stopped as Patty kicked him in the shin under the table.

"Finally found you," Tina calls out as she walks up behind Patty and leans in to kiss her wife, then looks up at the stage, "Oh karaoke," and points at Edd, "We're singing it, come on girl we've got to."

"NOO, you always make me sing Dolly's part," Edd whined.

She walks backwards to the booth shrugging her shoulders, "I can't help it if I do a better Kenny Rogers then you."

Kevin let out a soft chuckle as he asks, "What is she going to make him sing."

"Islands in the stream," Patty replied looking over at him with raised brows, "And don't let Edd fool you, he loves that song."

Tina returns a few minutes later and slaps Edd on the shoulders with both her hands, "Yeah bitch, its in, no running away now." All three having a friendly laugh at Edd's expense at the look he was giving her then settled into nice casual conversations while they waited for their turns to come up. "The mans an idiot," Tina exclaimed about their current topic.

"Be that as it may, we are unfortunately stuck with him," Edd conceded, "All that we can hope for now is that someone with some actual experince wins in 2020, for we know they're never going to impeach him, no sitting president has ever been removed from office."

"Let's have a big round of applause for Adam, such a beautiful voice," the DJ announced as the last song ended, "Up next is Kevin Barr."

Kevin smiles nervously at Edd then gets up out of his chair to make his way over to the booth to talk to the DJ for a second before taking the stage. "You need to tell him," Tina leans over and whispers to Edd.

"I'm working on it," was his short mildly frustrated reply.

Stepping up to the microphone, Kevin takes it off its stand and addresses the crowd, "I would like to dedicate this song to someone very special to me."

"Oh shit," Patty breathed out and looks over at Edd knowing that Kevin had some of the worst timing in human history and that two hearts were going to be broken very soon.

There wasn't even a beat of music before Kevin started to sing, as the screen behind him announced the song, Hey Jude by the Beatles. His eyes locking intently on the object of his affections,

"Hey Edd, don't make it bad  
Take a sad song and make it better  
Remember to let me into your heart  
Then you can start to make it better."

Stepping off the stage, he slowly starts to make his way over to the table where Edd was sitting, never dropping his gaze from those eyes. Edd had both of his hands up cupping his mouth, to hide his quivering lip,

"Hey Edd, don't be afraid  
I was made to go out and get you  
The minute you let me under your skin  
Then you begin to make it better."

Reaching the table, he takes a knee in front of Edd and gently moves his hands away from his face, grasping one of them tightly to show his affection,

"And anytime you feel the pain, hey Edd, refrain  
Don't carry the world upon your shoulders  
For well you know that it's a fool who plays it cool  
By making his world a little colder  
Nah nah nah nah, nah nah nah nah."

Quickly kissing the back of his hand in the brief pause in lyrics,

"Hey Edd, don't let me down  
I have found you, I'm going to get you  
Remember to let me into your heart  
Then you can start to make it better."

Interlocking their fingers together, his eyes burned brightly as he looked into Edd's eyes, desperately making a fool out of himself to get his message across to him.

"So let it out and let it in, hey Edd, begin,  
I'm waiting for someone to perform with.  
And don't you know that it's just you, hey Edd, you'll do,  
The movement you need is on your shoulder."

The tears were falling down Edd's cheeks now, releasing his hand Kevin gently brushes them aside with his thumb as he cupped his cheek with the palm of his hand.

"Hey Edd, don't make it bad.  
Take a sad song and make it better.  
Remember to let me under your skin,  
Then you'll begin to make it  
Better better better better better better, oh."

Leaning forward he brings their foreheads together as he belts out the last part of the song,

Na na na na na ,na na na, hey Edd.

Only getting a few of this repeating verse out before he was silenced by Edd's lips crashing against his own in a passionate kiss that would shame any of the great love stories. The small crowd erupted into cheers and catcalls for witnessing the sweetest show of affection and a great performance of a famous love song that they had seen in quite some time. Both Patty and Tina wiping away a stray tear as Edd and Kevin stood and made their exit, to express their love for one another with what little time they had left.

"For never was a story of more woe," Tina quoted, "Then this of Julio and his Bromeo."


	22. O, True Love

Love Looks Not with the Eyes Chapter 22 – O, True Love

 **A/N- Both songs used for the title of this chapter, O and True Love, are sung by Coldplay. O represents the first half of the chapter and True Love the second half.**

Kevin was holding Edd's hand as he leads the way out of the bar and down the street a short distance to where he had parked his Harley. His heart was pounding against his ribcage as it leaped with joy at the fact that Edd had accepted his feelings with that sweet kiss only moments ago, the taste and feel of his lips was still present upon his own as he licked them to moisten them once again. His mind was racing with all the things he wanted to do with the man behind him as they neared his motorcycle. Should he take him down the street to Margie's for some good food and conversation, to shore up this new bond they had between them, to ensure that they did not ruin this with haste. Or should he continue to let his actions speak for him and show his love just how much he cherished him with a night of love making that the man would never forget.

He was so invested in this decision-making process that he barely heard Edd when the man started to speak, "Kevin, we need to talk," he pauses for a moment to allow the man to answer, but continued when he did not receive one, "Kevin, I need to tell you something."

Reaching his bike, he gently swings Edd around in front of him by the hand he was holding, pressing him against the Hog as he leaned in for another kiss. The kiss was sweet and gentle but filled with passion and a desire to express his love for the man now enveloped in his embrace. Edd could feel his knees buckle under him and was thankful for the support of the arms now wrapped around him as his mind was swimming in the euphoric emotions of the new life that was breathed into his old love as the flames in his heart now burned brightly once again. Deepening the kiss, he hums with contentment as Edd reciprocated, his hands clinging tighter to the fabric of Kevin's shirt as he gasps for breath when their lips parted for a split second. Ending the kiss, he sucks upon his bottom lip, relishing the taste upon them, as he looks deeply into Edd's blue eyes, "You needed to tell me something."

Edd breaks the gaze and looks down at the sidewalk to his right in thought, "I'm just," with a gentle hand to the cheek he brings his gaze back up to meet his own and silences him with another soft kiss.

He was worried that Edd was overthinking this spontaneous course of action and was now working through the worst-case scenarios that might happen, "It's alright, I understand." And he did, as his own mind had been battling these fears for months, with a gentle kiss he assure him that he meant what he said, "Let's just go back to my place and we can talk." Edd looks down briefly then back up into his eyes and nods, a small look of worry hidden deep within his eyes as he watched the smile upon Kevin's face broadened, the battle between his heart and mind had just begun. Taking a step back, he gives Edd room to stand up properly as he heads to the back of his bike to open his tour pack and retrieve the helmets contained within.

Handing one over to Edd to hold as he put his own on, he watches the dorky man beside him skillfully secure the helmet on his head as though he was an old pro at this. Seeing the surprised look in Kevin's eyes he offers up a quick explanation, "Nat and I use to go riding together in the summer," then takes a step back to allow Kevin to mount first. Climbing on with little need of assistance, he places his hands upon Kevin's waist as the machine roars into life and the red head backs them out of their parking space. As the bike accelerates forward, Edd leans forward and rests his head upon the back of Kevin's shoulder and watches as the parked cars, buildings and side streets fly by. His mind going over possible ways to tell Kevin what was going on in his life right now and how to avoid breaking his heart with the news. Silently cursing himself for not having told him sooner and allowing this situation to go this far already without letting him know.

As they pulled into the back-parking lot behind Kevin's apartment, Edd had steeled his resolve to tell the red head about his new job and where it was located as soon as they got inside. But each step toward the building with his fingers interlaced with Kevin's along with the happy smile upon the red heads face started to slowly chip away at that resolve so that he did not know how to begin as they reached the third floor and Kevin opened his front door. Closing it behind him he turns and opens his mouth to speak but found a pair of lips devouring his words before he could bring them to life. Kevin's desire to touch the man that he has loved for so long had overridden his cautionary thoughts of taking it slow tonight as he pinned Edd up against the door and poured all his emotions into that kiss. His desire, his love, his need to tear down what little was left of the wall between them with his own two hands, to lay bare his heart and to offer it to him with the hope that he would receive his in return.

Edd's worries were wiped clean in that moment, it was as though his heart knew that as long as he was by his side all would be right in this world, that no hardship would be too great for them to overcome. Sliding his hand down from Edd's neck and along his torso, Kevin could feel the slight muscle definition of his chest and pauses. Cupping the muscle in the palm of his hand he glides his thumb across it, feeling the already erect nipple under his shirt, he flicks it a few times with his thumb, eliciting a soft muffled moan from the man. Sliding his other hand down to the curve of his back he begins to guide Edd clumsily down the hall towards his bedroom, nearly falling over when he trips over his work shoes as he walks backwards towards the door. Finally breaking the kiss as they near the bed, to ensure that he didn't miss it and windup on the floor as he guided them both on to it.

Pulling his shirt quickly over his head and depositing it upon the floor, he returns his attention back to his love, joining their lips he slowly coaxes him to lay back on the mattress as his hands continued their exploration of his body. The feel of Edd's hand upon his bare chest as it slides up to his neck was an indescribably pleasure onto itself. The sound of his gasps for air between kisses spurred on his desire for him as he slides his hand up his torso, bringing with it the unwanted garment that still separated them. As his hand glided across Edd's stomach, he could feel the definition of his six pack as the muscles tightened with each exhale. The soft, beautiful porcelain skin was a delight to his eyes as he slides down, kissing his way along his abdomen towards his waist, his hands fumbling with the belt and buttons of Edd's pants.

Edd foolishly bits down on the knuckles of his left hand as he closes his eyes and grabs hold of a tuft of Kevin's hair with his right as his mouth envelops him, the muffled moan nevertheless escapes his lips despite his attempts to contain it. Feeling the hand upon his stomach glide up his frame, Edd's eyes flutter open to look down at the man servicing his cock. Kevin's hand was now under his shirt, his fingers teasing his stiff nipple as they glided over it before his thumb and forefinger pinches it, adding a slight twist to the motion. Sending a small spasm of pain through his body that mixed in beautifully with the pleasure he was receiving, causing Edd to gasp in delight and buck up into his mouth. Kevin hummed with satisfaction, adding a new wave of pleasure to the dorks experience as he began searching for more sensitive spots on his loves body to play with.

Releasing the hair on Kevin's head, he slides his hand across his shoulder to the prominent tattoo upon his arm that was now proudly displayed for him to see as the red head found another spot to toy with along his side. Rubbing his thumb across the tattoo he sees his initials artistically made to look as though they were seared upon the flesh of the heart, "Um, Kevin." He hums quizzically in response causing Edd to gasp for breath with the added sensation, "I've got a new job."

Coming up off him he looks him in the eyes and smiles warmly, "That's good news babe," the smile upon his face turning devilishly playful as he licks from scrotum to the tip of his prick. "You deserve a reward," he kisses his naval as he begins to crawl up his body towards his lips, "How about a ginger snap," he pauses in his procession forward and lifts his right hand off the bed to snap his fingers. Casting his eyes down he chuckles at his own dorky joke, hearing the angelic sound of Edd's own laughter joining his. Raising his eyes once again to meet Edd's gaze he was undone, as the euphoric haze within those beautiful blue orbs and the vibrant glow of his soft skin was like an aphrodisiac to him. Bringing their lips together he breathes new passion into their kiss as he quickly went about the clumsy business of removing the last bit of clothing that separated their bodies. His desire to feast upon Edd's naked flesh with all of his senses had pushed all rational thought from his mind, his actions were driven by instinct and an indescribable need to join their souls together as one.

Fumbling blindly in the drawer of the nightstand beside his bed, as he did not dare to break this kiss, he finds what he was looking for and sets it off to the side, rolling over on to his back he pulls Edd along with him to lay on top of him. He was forced to break the kiss for a moment as Edd leans up to grind his hips against his erection, and with the new angle Kevin's eyes devour the tattoo upon his right breast as his fingers outlined the patchwork heart that was loosely sown back together. As he studied the design he realizes that each patch in the quilt held some significance, the top left section was red with green polka dots, a cassette tape laying in its center. The fabric that made up this portion of the design was roughly tattered and torn, Kevin's fingers flinch as he touched this section as its meaning became clear. The upper right section was also torn to shreds, the simple white fabric held a single gold ring within it, signifying his failed marriage to Leslie. The lower right section had a single tear drop dripping from the edge of the blue fabric as a baby's rattle lay in the center, his heartbreak over losing his son. The bottom left was teal in color, the heart it held in its center had been set ablaze and was viciously slashed by claws, barely resembling its original form, his self-hatred for not accepting Nat's love.

Sliding his hand up his chest to the back of Edd's neck, he gently pulls him back down to rejoin their lips as he made a silent promise to himself. That from this moment on he would do all that he could to help mend Edd's heart, and by doing so mend his own in the process. He parts their lips for the briefest of moments, "I love you Edd," a gentle kiss upon bruised lips, "I have never stopped loving you."

Edd's lip quivered as his brow furrowed in worry, "Kevin, I, I," he couldn't form the words as his voice refused to give them life. His mind refusing to brandish the weapon that would fatally wound this rekindled love between them that was as fragile and helpless as a new born baby.

"It's alright," Kevin smiled up at him as he ran his fingers across his check and over the lob of his left ear, "You don't have to say it. I just wanted you to know how I felt," gently kissing him again, he slowly intensified the passion within it as he stoked the flames of desire in them both. Discreetly he tried to find the bottle of lube that he had set aside only moments ago, but his blind fumbling as he looked for the container only drew Edd's attention to the object he was looking for. Reaching over he snatches up the bottle and the condom that lay beside it before Kevin could find it, then adjusts himself back into an upright position to apply lube to himself and to Kevin.

As he tore open the contraceptives package with his teeth, his guilt at the situation started to swell up in his stomach as he told himself that he should stop, that he should get dressed right now and tell Kevin that he was going to be leaving in the morning for New York. But Kevin's rough hand sliding up his abdomen along with those burning green eyes devouring every inch of his naked flesh as his deep lust filled voice breathed out, "Hmm, your so fucking sexy," destroyed any trace of that guilt and replaced it with desire.

Sheathing Kevin in the latex he applies a generous amount of lube to its surface, stroking it evenly along the shaft before applying another dollop to the tip. Using one hand he lines Kevin up to his hole and takes a deep breath, letting it out slowly as he slides down his shaft at a steady pace, his silent breath turning into a low moan as he hilted Kevin. Enjoying the intense look of pleasure on Kevin's face he leans forward and joins their lips again, giving his body a few moments to adjust and relax before he would allow either of them to move. Keeping his breathing at a steady rate he gasped for air between kisses as he felt Kevin's cock pulsate inside of him in time with the beating of his heart.

Feeling comfortable that his body had adjusted to Kevin's girth, he begins to rock his hips in time with his breathing. A soft moan escaping him as a warm pleasurable sensation began to pool in his stomach, slowly encompassing the rest of his body with each stroke of his hips. "Oh, god," he gasps, sitting back up to get a better angle, Kevin following him up to suck upon his neck, his left hand supporting his weight as his right squeezed Edd's supple ass cheek. Working his way up to Edd's earlobe, he nips it softly with his teeth, enjoying the incoherent expletives coming from Edd's mouth as his pace quickened.

Desiring to hear more of these deliciously naughty words from the man, he supports Edd's weight as he rolls him over on his back, pulling out of him in that motion. He climbs to his feet at the edge of the bed and roughly pulls the dork towards him, positioning his hips in front of him, he supports his legs in the crook of his arms. Lining himself up with Edd's hole, he hilts himself once again with one powerful stroke, a deep moan mixed with words escaping Edd's lips, "fffuuuccckk." With that one gasping word Kevin was now going to make it his mission tonight to pound this dork into the mattress with long, deep, powerful strokes. All the dork could do as his mind was a muddle of pleasure and the electrifying feel of Kevin's touch, was to hold on to the one person who was his anchor in this sea of euphoria. To unsuccessfully muffle the sounds of his obscene moans with the back of his hand as he bit into his knuckle to further ground himself in reality.

Kevin had adjusted himself so that his lips were against Edd's cheek, his panting breath loud in his ear as he whispered, "Look at me babe," kissing his temple to further coaxes him into the action. Turning his head ever so slightly, he sees Kevin's green eyes inches away from his own, burning brightly with love and a happiness that filled Edd's heart with joy and a dread for the coming dawn. "I love you so much," Kevin whispers then joins their lips in a kiss that united their hearts, souls and bodies and sent them both over the edge.

Collapsing on Edd's sticky chest, Kevin takes a few minutes to catch his breath, god he had to admit that he wasn't young anymore, but fuck was that hot. "Kevin," he answers him with a soft grunt, "We need to clean up."

"Hmm, don't want to move," Kevin kisses his neck.

Edd makes a whining noise in disapproval, "But the mess on my stomach is currently threating to migrate to your sheets."

"Alright," he replies groggily then he pulls himself up on to his feet, "Lets go take a shower," offering Edd a helping hand to stand so that he didn't make a mess. The shower was a continuation of shared affection and gentle kiss as they cleaned their bodies of sweat, lube and bodily secretions. The two lethargic men returned back to bed after their shower to fall asleep cuddled up in each other's arms, as naked as the day they were born, "Goodnight D," Kevin kiss his Adams apple. The man in his arms replied with a groggy hum of contentment as he rubbed his cheek against Kevin's temple, quickly falling to sleep moments later.

Kevin's dreams were peaceful that night as his senses were enveloped with Edd's presence in his arms. The sun was shining through the autumn trees above him as the sound of children playing down by the water delighted his ears. Sitting up on his elbows he could feel the blanket underneath him shift in the grass as the cool breeze ruffled his bangs that poked out from under his hat. The park was busy today as families were taking advantage of the moderate September weather to escape the city and enjoy the beauty of nature. Looking to his left he sees the love of his life sitting next to him, reading a book and occasionally looking up at the group of children by the creeks edge. Raising his left hand he brush back a stray hair out of Edd's face and sees the gleam of gold upon his ring finger, his heart was filled with happiness and contentment as he completes the action. "DADDY," a hard tackle to the chest as a seven-year-old boy comes running at him, trying to land in his lap, "Your up, come play with me." Kevin laughs as he hugs the young boy and looks down at him. Dirty blonde hair with the all to familiar half lidded reddish brown eyes and playful smirk that made the boy look as though he was up to no good.

D said something beside him that Kevin couldn't quite make out and the boy pouts, "Come on daddy," he gets up out of his lap and starts yanking on his arm trying to coax him into action, "Get up and play." the last thing Kevin heard was, "Get up daddy," before his eyes opened and he was back in reality feeling the bed beside him shift as someone gets up.

Rolling over onto his side, he blinks his eyes to adjust to the early morning light and expects to see a beautifully naked man standing there, but finds Edd dressed and ready to go, "You leaving so soon?" Kevin's voice was groggy as he asked his question, rubbing the sleep from his eyes with the heel of his hand.

Edd timidly looks over his shoulder at the man I the bed, his voice barely a whisper as he replies, "Yeah, I've got to get home," a chirp on his phone notifies him of a message, "Your cousins are already downstairs waiting for me."

"Can I come up to see you today?"

Edd paused for a moment as he clutched his chest, the fabric of his shirt scrunching up in the palm of his hand, "I don't think that's going to be possible.

" _That's understandable,"_ Kevin thought to himself, _"He's probably got things to take care of after being away for so long,"_ "Then how about next Friday," his voice sounded hopeful.

"Kevin, I'm," Edd took a deep breath and lets it out before continuing, "I'm moving to New York," his eyes cast down to the floor seeing the confused look on Kevin's face, "That's where my new job is."

Kevin's voice was hurt and barely a whisper as he asks, "So why did you wait till now to tell me."

Edd's voice was imploring for understanding as he sat back down on the bed, his eyes mirroring the heartbreak Kevin was feeling, "I tried to tell you."

The hurt Kevin was feeling was evident, "When."

"I don't know," Edd was mildly defensive, "Kevin we need to talk, Kevin I need to tell you something, Kevin I got a job." Kevin's brows furrow as he recalled that Edd had made those statements last night, "But I got swept away in the moment and lost my courage."

"So, it's my fault then," the memory that he had silenced Edd with a kiss each time he tried to say what he need to say comes flooding into his mind.

"No," he reaches across the bed for Kevin's hand, "It's my fault, I should have told you right away, but I didn't know how once things started to happen."

His voice was breaking as he spoke, "Was last night just a farewell fuck to you?" It wasn't truly an accusation, more like his fumbling attempt to get Edd to admit that he also loved him still.

He looks up and sees the hurt in Edd's eyes from his accusatory words and the pain in his heart drew tears to his eyes that he tried his best to keep from falling. "No, it was," Edd's voice was trembling as he spoke, "It was very special." Another chirp from his phone let him know that Tina was getting impatient and would probably be up in a minute if he didn't come down. "I, I've got to go, I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner and I'm sorry that the fates seem to be conspiring against us, but" he leans over and kisses Kevin on the forehead and feels the red heads shoulders tremble, "But I hope you can forgive me."

Not wanting to prolong the pain between them longer then he needed to, Edd slowly gets up out of the bed and makes his way towards the door of the apartment. "I love you," Kevin shaky voice calls out to him as he was about to leave the room and Edd stops in his tracks.

Supporting himself with the frame of the door to steady his weak knees, he turns to look at Kevin one last time. Swallowing the lump in his throat and steadying his emotions he opens his quivering mouth to reply, "And I love you." Turning quickly, he steps down the hall and through the door, the sound of the door closing echoed in Kevin's ears dulling what emotions he was feeling.


	23. Say Something

Love Looks Not with the Eyes Chapter 23 – Say Something

 **A/N- The song for the chapters title is sung by A Great Big World. The wedding ceremony for Edd Senior's son and Kevin's cousin is in chapter 93 of Loves Fool.**

The three weeks between the bachelor party and the day of the wedding went by faster than Kevin had expected, and before he realized it, he was parking his car across the road from where the ceremony would be held. Looking at himself in the mirror of the driver side sun visor, he straightens his tie and takes in a breath, letting out in a quick huff through his nose. He pushes the visor back up into its original position and opens his car door to go join the other guests across the road and engage in some small talk as he awaits the ceremony to begin. As he slowly made his way towards the carefully arranged rows of seats he begins to wonder if Edd was already here and if so would he treat him normally or would he try to avoid him? He shakes his head clear of these negative thoughts, for he has had enough of his self-doubts, for today was supposed to be a joyful day, and the person he was fast approaching was bringing a smile to his face. "Hello Kevin," she calls out to him as she extends her hand in greeting.

He takes the hand offered to him and smiles warmly as he replied, "It's good to see you Myrtle."

She returns his smile as she responds and releases his hand, "It's good to see you too, how have things been since the last time I saw you?" She turns her attention from him to greet another group of guests who were passing them by, then quickly returns her attention back to him, awaiting an answer to her question.

He massages the back of his neck as he averts his eyes from her gaze, "Uh well, you know." When he returns his gaze to hers a second later he sees her right eyebrow raised and that all too familiar look of a knowing mother, "So, um, how are the kids doing? How's Tommy?"

"He's doing fine," she replied, deciding not to push him any further for information, for she knew that they would get there eventually. "Though it's getting hard for him to take care of the farm by himself and Matt is at that age where friends are more important to him than his chores are, right now, so that's a bit of a struggle." Kevin's attention to the conversation trails off when he hears Edd's sweet laughter coming from his right, his eyes moving of their own accord in an attempt to find the owner of that voice. He was now barely catching the story, as she was telling him about her daughters first year at college and of her hopes and dreams of becoming a teacher. Their eyes lock and her words fall away completely, the smile forming on Edd's lips upon seeing him was in stark contrast to the sadness within his eyes. Kevin was brought back into the here and now with a gentle push upon his shoulder and Myrtle's light teasing, "Didn't anyone ever teach you that it's rude to stare." He breaks his gaze and turns his eyes back in her direction to find her waving to Edd, "You know, you should go talk to him." He did not respond to her statement but instead turns his eyes back towards Edd, hoping to catch those blue orbs once more. But instead finds that the mans attention was upon Myrtle as he returned her greeting with a happy smile before turning his attention back to the members of his family that he had been conversing with a moment earlier. She turns her attention back to him as she spoke, "I'm sure that whatever has happened between the two of you this time, can't be that bad."

He stammers as he looks from her to Edd then back again, "Um, it's, uh, complicated."

She did not waver as she pressed on, "You love him, don't you?"

He was a little surprised by her straightforwardness as he had never told her or Tommy that he is bisexual, but he wasn't going to deny it now, "Yes."

"Then what's the problem?"

His voice was soft as he replied, "He moved."

"So."

"To New York."

She waves his argument off with a gesture of her hand, "That's just distance, do you think that stopped Tommy and I when I went off to seminary school?" He lightly shakes his head no, "Love is not love which alters when it alteration finds, or bends with the remover to remove. O no! It is an ever-fixed mark that looks on tempests and is never shaken." Once again, she had surprised him with the Shakespearian quote and was left speechless, "Don't look at me like that, I love his sonnets." She turns her head abruptly when she sees movement out of the corner of her eye and he follows her gaze to where both Tony and Edd were now making their way across the road to go meet up with the grooms. Checking her wristwatch, she was surprised to see how much time had gone by during their conversation, "Oh wow it is that time. Well it was nice seeing you again Kevin and I really do hate to run, but you know I've got a couple of lovebirds that I really must marry. Let's catch up some more at the reception, ok," she smiles at him warmly then begins to walk passed him to make her way up to the gazebo.

"I'll save you a spot on my dance card," he teased in reply.

She pauses for a moment as she had just remembered something, "Oh, I do believe Alice is saving you a seat in the second row," she points in the general direction of where Alice was supposed to be before turning quickly to once again leave.

Spotting his friends exactly where Myrtle had said they would be, he begins to make his way towards them. Awkwardly sidestepping passed a few already seated guests as he made his way down the second row towards Alice, Kev and their family. His devilish friend having saved him the seat between her and Nat, "How're you doing man," his childhood friend asked him as he took his seat. Tina who was on the other side of Rave from him looks around the couple at him with a look of concern in her eyes.

"Yeah shovel-chin," Eddy whispers over his shoulder into his right ear, "How are you doing?"

Turning to look over his right shoulder he sees the man leaning forward only inches away from him, his wife sitting next to him and their youngest son beside her. "I'm alright," he replied softly but with a hint of sarcasm for the old scammer, as the music for the wedding march begins.

Alice shushes them as she turns with the rest of the guests to look over her left shoulder down the aisle, "Hush you two, it's starting." Kevin follows suite and turns his head away from Eddy and over his left shoulder to watch the wedding march. Sitting behind him on his left was Ed, May, their daughter and her fiancé.

Those in attendance watched with joy in their hearts as the procession made its way down the aisle to where Myrtle waited to join the happy couple in holy matrimony. As the young men stood in front of her, they joined hands as she begins to speak, "Being assured that your love and your choice of each other as lifelong companions is in God's will and that you have your families' blessings, I now ask: Who gives these men to be married to each other?"

Both Tony and Edd say in unison, "We do," before turning to take their seats. Edd's eyes catch Kevin's as he turns in their direction to make his way towards them, taking his seat in the empty chair in front of him next to his parents. Dear sweet merciful god have pity on him, for the desire to reach out and touch him, to receive comfort for his burning soul from him, was sending a tingling sensation down Kevin's arm to his hand. He was so close, all he had to do was reach out and place his hand upon his shoulder, an innocent act of affection which he was sure that Edd would not spurn. But the pit in his stomach was telling him that the distance between them had grown so wide over the last three weeks that the Grand Canyon might as well have been between them and not just this row of chairs.

These past three weeks had not been without their regrets for Edd, for he had cursed all the goddesses of love that had inspired so many poems, sonnets and musical verses. As well as the fates and their cruel machinations when it came to his love life and the barriers they, or more like he, kept putting into place to bare his happiness. And now as though to spit in his face, those cruel fates have placed the one that his heart desired only a mere foot away from him. His burning heart wishing to defy those fates told him to reach out and offer the one he loved his hand, a simple and loving act that he was sure Kevin would accept. But his mind knew that the distance between them was to great, as he would once again be gone in the morning, in the moving van that Nat had rented for him to take his furniture to his new apartment. And the pain that comes with love once again lost was something he needed to leave behind and not agitate the wound upon his heart by stirring those feelings up once more.

The ceremony was short but sweet, bringing a tear to Edd's eye as he watched his son slide the ring upon his loves hand as he recited his wedding vows. All those who witnessed this happy event felt their hearts overflow with joy as Myrtle pronounced the couple happily married, the crowd standing to applaud the joyous occasion as they shared a sweet kiss. A flurry of bubbles filling the air as the newlyweds made their way back down the aisle to their car to drive off to their wedding reception. Placing his container of bubbles down on his chair, Kevin turns to face forward, hoping to catch Edd's attention and congratulate him on his son's marriage. But his hopes fell as Edd was already walking away, helping his ailing father down the front row of seats and towards the parking lot across the road from them. Nat catching the look in Kevin's eyes, and knowing where they were looking, places a comforting hand upon his old friend's shoulder as Alice also had witnesses the scene. "Come on guys," she calls to the group as a whole, "Lets hurry up and get to the reception," catching Kevin's eyes she adds, "There will be enough time to say what needs to be said there."

He shows his agreement to her statement and his thanks for her strength with a weak smile which she returned before turning around to lead her kids down the row of seats. As he took a step forward to follow after them he glances to his right, catching the eyes of Ed, he recognizes the sympathetic look held within them before turning to look forward once again. As he walks towards his car he couldn't help but to ponder what it was Ed might have heard to cause him to give him such a sad look. Or had the big guy simply deduced the situation going on between them all on his own by observing their actions for just this short amount of time.

Brushing off these thoughts as he climbs into his car, he follows the caravan of vehicles down the road to where the reception would be held at the Peach Falls Inn which was still located within the state park. Entering the building with his friends, he quickly finds his seat within the banquet hall as Tina and Patty both waved him over to them once he had entered the room. The banquet hall was a decent size, accommodating the ten large round tables that were required to seat their guest while still having enough room left for a dance floor. The southern wall to his left and the westerly wall behind the main table were lined with arching pained glass doors that lead out onto a veranda. Giving the room a beautiful panoramic view of the small tree lined canyon that the creek the town was named after ran through. "You remember Trixie, Kim and Jasmin, don't you," Tina gestures towards the three ladies sitting across from her as he sat down.

"Yeah Kevin," Trixie rested her chin on the back of her hand as she looked him over, "You do remember us, don't you?"

Looking over at his cousin with a mildly annoyed look on his face, he replied, "Of course I do Tina, I see them all the time."

"Oh really," Jazz countered.

And Trixie added, "Because I was about to send out a search party for your ass, since we all thought you might have been abducted by aliens or something."

"Mmhmm," Kim hummed, the sassiness of her tone letting Kevin know that she was not happy with him, "Where've you been hiding these past few months."

Both Tina and Patty look across Alice's table to the object of his affection which was most certainly the reason for his absence in their lives. "Ladies and Gentlemen," the announcement drew the crowd's attention to the main table up front, ending the ladies inquiries, "It is my pleasure to present to you, the Vincent's." The crowd applauds as the happy couple made their way into the room from a side door and up to their seats between their friends.

Once the couple was seated both best men toasted their friends then began their speeches, including a few jabs at their longtime friends expense. The one that Kevin knew as Edina nearly going too far as her jokes resembled more of a roast then a toast at times. But the couple took these jabs in the good humor their friends meant them in and laughed along with the crowd. Junior's cheeks went flush with embarrassment more than once as he tries to hide his face while laughing it off. Once the toasts were complete, dinner was served and the questions from the three sisters commenced with Trixie poking for answers, "So Big Red, where've you been?"

Kevin was trying to come up with a reasonable excuse to avoid going down the path of his failed rekindling of the love between him and Edd. But Alice who was sitting right behind him saved him from their queries, "He's been reconnecting with an old friend." Kevin looks over his shoulder at her and sees that she was picking up her plate, "Do you mind switching me places, I want to gab with my sisters for a minute."

"Sure," he replied, taking his chance to get away from the Spanish inquisition that the Divine sisters could quickly become.

"You're not off the hook yet Mr. Barr," Kim called out to him as he took his seat between Alister and Rave. He waved it off as Alice changed the topic quickly to the subject of the beautiful ceremony they had just attended.

"Uncle Kevin," Alister says softly as though he was trying to keep a secret.

"Yeah buddy?"

"Do you want my carrots?" The boy looked sullen and defeated, "Raven doesn't want them."

Kevin couldn't help the smile that formed on his lips as the boy turned his plate so that the offending vegetable was closer to him, "Nah little guy, you need those, they'll help you grow up." The boy pouted as he pushed the object of his disdain around his plate with his fork, but did his best for his favorite uncle and at least ate a few of them.

After everyone had finished their meal, the couple went over to their wedding cake and cut the first piece together. Everyone's cellphones were out and recording the sweet exchange as Junior playfully smudge a bit of frosting on Anthony's nose as he fed him the first slice. Kevin could hear everyone's heartfelt reactions when Anthony leans in a moment later, rubbing that frosting onto Junior's nose as he kisses him tenderly. Junior couldn't help his happy smile and gentle heartwarming laughter that broke that sweet kiss.

After the cutting of the cake came the couple's first dance together, and it was here that Kevin excused himself for a moment so that he could go have a smoke. Stepping out onto the veranda and closing the door behind him, he had effectively muffled the romantic music that accompanied the dance between the newlyweds. He reaches into his jacket pocket and pulls out his pack of cigarettes as he walks over to the railing to lean his elbows upon its stony surface to strike his lighter and take the first drag. "It's a beautiful view isn't it?" In a start Kevin straightens back up and turns to face the intruder of his solitude who now only stood a few feet from him, "My apologies, I didn't mean to startle you."

Where did she come from? For he hadn't heard the door open and he was certain that there was no one else out here a moment ago, "It's alright, no harm done." Her brown eyes were fixed upon him, her black hair neatly done up in a bun that had gold leaves upon silver vines worked into it. She wore a dark blue dress with lace floral designs along the hem and bust line.

"Do you mind if I join you?" She inquired as she stepped up to the railing and pulled out her pack from her purse.

"By all means," he gestures with his right hand to where she was already standing as though he was offering her the place by his side.

"Monique," she extends her hand in greeting.

"Kevin," he takes her hand and shakes it gently, then returns to leaning his elbows upon the railing.

"You're the grooms cousin, right," she asked as she blew out a cloud of smoke.

He hums his confirmation as he took a drag, blowing it out as he spoke, "And you're the wedding planner," he looks in her direction to see her nod, "What made you get into that business?"

"I have always felt that it was my calling in life to help join two people who are in love," she looks at him from the side of her eye, "And how about you? Why are you out here instead of in there asking someone special to dance?"

He looks over his shoulder to the glass doors and sees that the couples dance had already ended and that the dance floor was now packed with couples slowly dancing to another romantic song the DJ had put on. Turning away from the doors to look at her again he displays his cigarette as his excuse, "Needed a smoke."

She pouts her lips, then spoke "That excuse won't do," she puts her own cigarette out in the ashtray provided then snatches his to do the same. Ignoring his protests at her actions, she takes him by the hand and begins to lead him back to the party, "Well it looks like I have no choice, I'm just going to have to make sure you have a good time tonight, even if it kills me." Entering the room once again, she leads him to the dance floor with vailed determination and turns to face him once upon that floor and places her hand upon his shoulder to lead him in a slow dance. "You know the moment I saw you, I knew you were in love," she smiles warmly at him as a form of apology for prodding.

"Really," he raises a skeptical brow, "And how can you be so sure that I am in love?" He wasn't sure why he was allowing her to force him to dance, he could walk away anytime he wanted. But something deep down inside told him that this was where he needed to be right now.

"Call it an intuition I have acquired, from doing the work that I do, for as long as I have," he raises the hand he was holding in his right hand above her head and spins her once. Taking her back into his embrace, they slowly sway in time with the music as she continues, "The evidence is in your eyes," she brushes the back of her right hand against his cheek, "They shine when you look at him." He smiles softly as she places her hand back upon his shoulder, was he that noticeable? She took his smile as confirmation of her statement and asks, "So why are you dancing with me and not him?"

"It's complicated," he said softly as he looked into her eyes which were somehow comforting him.

"Talking cures all things Kevin, silence will only drive that wedge between the two of you deeper. I would think you of all people would have learned that by now," he scrunches his brows together in confusion, did she know him better then she lead on? But he did not have a chance to ask what she meant as she spoke again, halting his question, "So, do yourselves a favor and talk already." Spinning him so that they changed places rapidly, she lets go, sending him stumbling a few paces in that direction, causing him to bump into someone.

Both he and the individual he had collided into both spoke at the same time, "I'm so sorry."

"Please pardon my clumsiness," as they both heard each other's voices, they locked eyes and it was like the forest meeting a rainstorm as astonished blue gazed into confused green.

"I'm sorry Edd, I didn't mean to," he grabs ahold of his shoulders to help steady him, even though the man did not require any assistance. Looking over Edd's shoulder to see if there might be a cause for him to stumble in this direction, he sees an African American woman in a baby blue dress catch his eye, a kind smile gracing her lips before she turns to walk away.

"No, no, it's my fault," Edd insisted, "I must have lost my footing while dancing," he looks back over his shoulder in the direction he had come from but could not find the woman who had insisted that he dance with her.

"Would you like to dance?" Kevin offers his hand for Edd to take, the words coming from him so easily, with no anxiety of rejection to cloud his thoughts.

Edd places his left hand within Kevin's, "I would love to," he replies as he steps into his embrace, putting his right upon his shoulder.

Gazing down upon the man he loved, his heart began to beat rapidly as the song changed from "As Time Goes By" by Frank Sinatra to "Our Love is Here to Stay" by Natalie Cole. "How have you been," Kevin mentally smacks himself for the lame question and ice breaker.

Edd hesitated for a moment, "I've been fine, you?"

Kevin's eyes look away as he replied, "I'm doing good," spotting the two women at the edge of the crowd watching them, a third undistinguishable person standing behind them, but obviously a part of their group.

"That's good to hear," Edd looks away toward the table his father was sitting at as Kevin's eyes turn back to look at him. His father was watching them as they danced together, a happy smile upon his face as he could clearly see the love they had for each other. But he couldn't help but be worried about the hesitation the two of them were showing about their uncertain future together. "I should really go check on my father," Edd announced as he tried to take a step away.

Kevin's arm tightens around his waist, "Please don't go just yet," Edd tried to protest, but Kevin's soft words silenced his attempts, "Let me have what's left of tonight, just one last memory to cherish you by."

Edd looks up into Kevin's eyes which were filled with the love he felt for him, the sorrow he had that the love they shared had no chance to blossom and a desire to defy the fates that were tearing them apart. Edd's own eyes begin to fill with the tears he was fighting to contain, "I don't know if I can," the aching of his heart within his chest was making that task difficult.

"I know, this is tearing me apart too," he cups Edd's cheek with his right hand, brushing away the tear that had fallen, "I will always love you." Slowly he leans in, assured that Edd would allow the kiss, he joins their lips and expresses all the love he has for him in that chaste affection. Breaking that kiss, he closes his eyes and leans his forehead against Edd's as he did his best to control his own tears, "Please stay with me."

Edd could feel the power of those word reverberate through is very soul as their meaning was not constrained to this one evening, "I can't" he quietly balled, his voice cracking under the strain.

"It's alright," he kisses him again, "Don't cry, I'm sorry," another sweet kiss as a tear rolls down his own cheek, "I understand."

Kevin felt his own will power to keep himself from losing his composure quickly fading away and makes to walk away, but it was Edd's turn to hold him in place, "Let's talk about something else." He was now just as reluctant as Kevin was to let go of this moment, his desire to make it last as long as he could the only thing on his mind.

"Sure," they begin to slowly dance again, "What should we talk about." As he slowly turns in place with Edd in his embrace he catches sight of the two ladies and their companion off in the distance, still watching them. The man still stood behind them, his dress A uniform was crisp and clean, his blond hair neatly cut into a high and tight, the warm smile upon his familiar features left Kevin wondering if he had gone nuts in his grief, or did they just merely look alike?

"It was a beautiful wedding, don't you think?" Edd's soft words brought his attention back to the man in his arms and away from the ghosts of his past.

"Yes, it was," he clears his throat of his emotions and doubts, "They make a handsome couple."

"They do," he replied softly, the composure of his voice slowly returning, "I hear that you're helping them prepare to adopt once Junior is out of college."

"Yeah, Anthony is very excited about starting a family with him," how different they were from each other, when Kevin was Anthony's age, having children was the farthest thing from his mind, "And I know they'll make great parents."

"I know they will," Edd looks off in the direction of his son and son in law, "Because they've got it all planned out and support each other in everything they do."

"They're blessed to have each other," the thought brought back his own pain at losing Edd and his heart ached. Another turn in the direction of the ladies and their male companion was gone, in his place was an infant child cradled in Monique's arms with AJ leaning over and cooing at him. He shakes his head as he blinks his eyes and the child is gone, leaving only the ladies talking to each other as they continued to watch them.

"Are you alright," Edd askes with a slight worried tone in his voice, his head turning in the direction Kevin was looking in slack jawed but was unable to find who he might be looking at so intently.

Turning his attention back to his companion he weakly replies, "I'm fine." With one last quick glance back, he finds that the ladies are nowhere to be seen, and he questioned if it was real or just a trick of his mind. Pushing those thoughts aside he returns them and his attention back to the one he loved, "When this is over, would you like to stay the night with me? We can just talk if you like."

"I've already rented a room here for the night," he informed him and the sad look in Kevin's eyes was noticeable instantly, "But you are more then welcome to stay with me if you want."

"I would like that," he replied and dared another kiss. The two of them danced for the remainder of the evening, only taking a short break as the newlyweds both threw a white rose over their shoulders into the awaiting crowd. Finally calling it an evening after the boys had said their farewells to family and friends to start their trip down to Summerville International Airport to fly up to New York for their honeymoon.

Neither Kevin nor Edd got much sleep that night, nor did they do much talking either, as they said their final farewells to each other by expressing their undying love. Pouring that love into each kiss as every touch was an expression of their pure affection for the other and each embrace a revelation for their need for each other. Laying their exhausted as the dawn broke the horizon, they held tightly to each other as fresh tears filled their eyes as their final minutes together quickly ticked by. And as Edd got up to get ready to leave, Kevin put on a brave face for his love, only allowing the tears to fall once the door had closed between them.

"Good morning Casanova," Nat called out to Edd as he walked toward the moving van parked in the lot, "Did you sleep well?" He knew that he hadn't, for the bags under his eyes told the story that he had been up for most of the night.

"Ugh, don't talk to me right now, I need coffee," was his sluggish reply as he opened the trunk of Nat's car to throw in his bags in the back.

"Someone's grumpy," Rave teased.

"Should have gotten more sleep and less dick, chick," Tina added.

He pulls the keys to the van out of his pocket and opens the driver side door, "You know you all are assholes when it's this early in the morning."

"Don't lump me in with them," Patty protested.

"I'll drive," Nat said as he snatches the keys out of Edd's hand, "You just ride with Rave and get some sleep," he puts his hand on Edd's shoulder and turns him towards the car, "You need it."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever mom," for once he had to agree, sleep sounded nice.

He climbs into the backseat of the mustang as Patty took her seat in the passenger side of the van as Nat starts it up, "I hope you like show tunes," Rave remarks as he buckles in, "Because we are doing a review of the greatest Broadway musicals of all time."

"I can't wait," Edd said with as much enthusiasm as he could muster as he leans back in the seat and closes his eyes, brushing one more tear away as the car begins to back up.

"It'll be alright girl, you'll see," Tina assures him from the front seat as she turns around to rub his shoulder and they begin their long journey home.


	24. Birds

Love Looks Not with the Eyes Chapter 24 – Birds

 **A/N- The song for the title is sung my Coldplay.**

Edd adjusts his weight in the backseat of the Mustang as he rolls his neck in an attempt to work out the kink in his muscles that had woken him up. The music in the car had been courteously kept at a low volume as he slept, but was now nonexistent, in its place was the conversation Tina was now having on the phone. "You all don't have to do that," she began humming her understanding of what the other person was saying on the other end of the line as Edd sat up straight in his seat.

"Well good morning sunshine," Rave greeted him as he looked in the mirror at him.

Edd groaned in response as his muscles tense up due to his awkward sleeping position, "What time is it?"

"Half passed noon," he responded, which meant Edd had been asleep for a little over five hours and that they were halfway to their destination.

"Alright, then we'll see you in about five hours, you boys have fun till we get there," she paused for a moment, "Honey I'm your aunt now, you'll just have to get used to my insinuations." She paused yet again, "Okay, we'll see you then," she hangs up the phone and looks over at Rave, "Well the boys are going to meet us at Edd's." She turns and greets Edd as she places Rave's phone back in the center console, "Good morning sleepy head."

"Can we stop somewhere and get some coffee," he sluggishly replies as the notification on Tina's phone lets her know that her wife had just texted, a little ditty from Sweeny Todd called Johanna.

Pulling her phone out of her pocket she quickly reads the text and speaks as she replies to it, "Nat says to take the next exit, he's hungry."

"Good," Rave agreed, "Cause I really need to stretch my legs."

"Why are the boys meeting us," Edd asks as he leans forward in his seat as his mind was catching up to her earlier statement.

"I agree why are they coming," Rave inquired, "It's the first day of their honeymoon and they should be in bed, ordering room service."

"They just thought you could use the help moving in," she replies nonchalantly as she begins to type again, sending the boys their fathers address and telling them about the delay.

"It's New York," Rave interjected as Edd leans back in his seat, "There are a ton of other things, romantic things, that they could be doing."

Rave turns on his turn signal to take the exit to Washington Pennsylvania as Tina remarked, "Well I think it's sweet of them," ending the conversation on the topic. The restaurant they were making their way to, to have their lunch at, was a fair distance from the exit ramp. Located in the middle of this small town along a stretch of road that looked as though it had come straight out of the classic 1970's movie, American Graffiti. The store front itself was bare brick with large plain windows filled with signs on either side of the recessed doorway, a classic fifties Coca-Cola sign hanging from the second story proudly announcing the name of the establishment, Shorty's Lunch. Stepping into the building the group of friends noticed that the place was fairly packed with the establishments regular Sunday lunchtime cliental. And thus, were all the barstool at the counter full of people trying to quickly eat their lunch so they could make their way back to work, leaving only a few booths open for them to sit at.

"I can bring yall a chair, if ya want to have a seat at a booth," the waitress behind the counter calls out to them as they stood in the doorway gauging the crowd.

Reluctantly the quintet slowly made their way to an empty booth to take their seats, leaving Edd to take the chair the waitress had brought out for them, departing their company after taking their drink orders. "So, the boys have volunteered to be help us move Edd in," Tina lets Nat and Patty know about the new development.

"They don't need to do that," Nat insisted as everyone but Edd's phone chimes at the same time.

"That's what I said," Rave stated as he laughs off the coincidence then unlocks his device.

Patty begins to slowly talks as she reads the group text that they had all received, "Well they are good boys."

Tina locks her phone and sets it down on the table as she clears her throat and turns toward Edd, "Call me bias, but your son has found himself a good man in my nephew."

"I'm sure he gets it from you," Nat adds as he also locks his phone and sets it down on the table as the waitress approaches with their drink orders.

"Who was that," Edd leans over and quietly asks Rave as his curiosity over everyone getting a text but him had won out over his tact.

"Just Alice checking up on us," he replied while typing away on his phone as the others placed their food orders and everyone's phones going off a few more times as he response.

Tina continues with the conversation once the waitress had turned to leave, "You know, I always knew that Anthony wouldn't be anything like his father, because he was always such a sweet child."

Nat chuckles cynically before replying, "I'm sure that Barr temper you all are famous for skipped him too."

"Oh no, he's got the temper," Patty confirms, "And can be a prick when he wants to be."

"But if he cares about you, then he will do anything that he can for you," Tina adds to explain her earlier statement, for she knew that her nephew had been no angel in life. "Did I ever tell you how he found out about us," she motions between herself and her wife with her finger.

Rave scrunches up his face in thought as he tries to recall the situation she was referring to, "He found you two kissing, didn't he?"

Patty nods as Tina continues, "We were babysitting him while his parents were out of town one weekend." She looks up and taps her chin with her forefinger as she tries to recall some minor details, "I would say he was about five at the time, wouldn't you say honey?"

"I think so," she looks at her wife and replies then turns to the group and continues, "We were making lunch that Saturday while he was taking a nap."

"Turns out he was only up there playing with his toys in bed," Tina added

"And thinking that we were alone, we were a little more carefree with our affections then we should have been," Patty said with a look of embarrassment upon her cheeks as Nat chuckled, since she had just confirmed to them who it was who had started it.

"We didn't even know he was there until he asked," she does her best to mimic the way the boy had sounded back then, "Aunt Teenie, why are you kissin Patty like mommy and daddy do? Needless to say, I fucking freaked." She tries to hide her sorrowful guilty chuckle behind her hand as she turned away from them, recalling how frightened she had been that the boy had discovered them.

"She scared the poor boy to tears when she asked him why he was up, it took us nearly a half hour to calm him back down."

Tina composes herself quickly, her old guilt over allowing her fears of being outed causing her to frighten an innocent child were still there, like old battle wounds. "He was so scared and so sure that he had done something wrong and wouldn't stop crying, no matter how many times I had told him I wasn't mad at him. Looking back now, I'm sure it had more to do with what his father was telling him about people like us then me being mad at him, but you know what, he never told on us."

"I'm glad I never had to deal with any of that bullshit," Rave remarked, "I told my mother when I was thirteen."

"Sixteen," Nat added.

"Well at least Edd knows where we're coming from," Patty places her hand upon Edd's forearm as their conversation was interrupted by the waitress delivering their food. "I will say that it gave us the privilege of being the first ones he told."

"Ah," Rave cooed, "Coming out stories are so sweet."

"When its to an understanding family member they are," Edd added.

Tina was riding the waves of nostalgia at the moment and continues to explain, "He really needed someone to talk to then, apparently he had just gotten into a fight with your son."

"Like an actual fist fight," Patty informs them, so that they knew the severity of the situation.

"He was so mad at himself for doing it and wanted our advice on how to even begin to seek his forgiveness," Tina passes the conversation to her wife as she takes a bite of her food.

"We told him that he needed to show him just how sorry he was for what he had done and how much he loved him. So, we got to hear all about the flowers that he sent to him, along with the poetry that he wrote him and then finally the kiss that outed him to the whole school."

"To make a long story short," Tina says to try and end their reminiscing.

But was rudely interrupted by Nat and Rave as they both said, "To late," simultaneously.

Ignoring them both she continues, "Anthony will do anything he can for those he loves."

"Seems like a trait only the queer side of your family tree gets," Nat states then takes a bite of his fries. With that little quip the conversations turned away from the subject of the newlyweds as they finished their meal. After paying their bill they loaded back up into their vehicles, Rave forcing Edd to drive from here as Patty switches with Tina and takes shotgun in the Mustang. The last stop they made before leaving the town of Washington was to a small gas station close to the on ramp to fill up so that they wouldn't have to make another unscheduled stop.

Upon entering the city limits of New York, Edd was surprised just how busy the roads were on a Sunday evening and wondered if there would be room to park the goliath of a moving van in front of his building. The occupants of the Mustang collectively breathing a sigh of relief when they discovered that there was just enough room to do so along with an empty parking space across the street to park their own car. The two young men stood sentinel in front of his building as promised, ready to help Nat guide the monstrosity into its parking space with enough room to unload the furniture safely. Edd quickly exits the Mustang once he had it parked and jogs across the street to greet his son and son-in-law with a warm group hug before unlocking and opening the rolling door of the van. "Alright, lets get this done before nightfall and supper is on me," Edd calls out as he grabs the first box off the truck.

"Go unlock your door and we'll start unloading," Nat says as he directs the man to get a move on with a shooing motion with his hands. Unlocking the front door of his building with the first key he had been given by his super, he props it open with the doorstop in the entry way, then continues up the stairs as he fumbles with the keys in his hand.

 **One Week Earlier.**

Kevin sat at the computer desk in his living room, liking all the photos Edd had posted on his Facebook page of his new apartment in New York as a key is put into the lock of his front door. Once the door was fully opened the sound of Alister calling out to him as he ran towards him fills the room, "Uncle Kevin."

"Hey there champ," he picks the boy up and places him on his lap, "Are you being a good boy for your mother?"

The boy hums a yes as he nods his head as Alice asks, "Have you picked up your suite from the drycleaners yet," she adjusts the bag of takeout food in her hand as she closes the door.

"No," he replies softly and wonders why he hasn't gotten that key back from her yet.

"Do you want me to pick it up for you?"

"No."

"Are you sure, its on my way home, I can drop it off to you tomorrow?" She sets the bag on the table and pulls out Alister's small fries and Chicken McNuggets, as the boy has never wanted a Happy Meal as he thought it made him look like a child.

"I'll pick it up tomorrow, thanks," he replies as he lets Alister down then closes Facebook when he hears her footsteps begin to approach him.

But she knew what it was that he had been looking at since she had also gotten the notifications about Edd's posts this morning. "Alright," she hands him his Big Mac and fries, "But don't procrastinate, the weddings this Saturday."

"I don't know if I'm going," he sets down the food she had given him on the desk and walks to the kitchen to get a drink.

"Sweetie," she calls after him, but did not follow, "I know you're heartbroken and all, but it's your cousin's wedding, it would be rude to skip it."

Walking back into the living room he leans his shoulder against the doorframe as he opens his soda, "I don't know if I want to see him."

She looks at him in shock, Edd had been the one constant in Kevin's heart for so long that she thought she would never hear these words uttered from his lips, "Why?"

He looks down at the floor, avoiding her eyes, "Because he didn't tell that any of this was going on until he had to leave."

"Bull," he snaps his eyes up and see her accusingly pointing her finger at him, "You knew that he was looking for a job."

"You know what I mean," he waved off her argument with a gesture of his hand and turns away from her, leaning his back against the doorframe.

She narrows her eyes at him, her displeasure with him clearly visible upon her face, wiping that expression from her face as she picks up the remote control and turns to her son, "Sweetie, watch your cartoons while mommy has a talk with your uncle, okay." The boy nods but didn't look at her as he turns on Netflix and begins to look for his favorite show as she walks with a purpose towards Kevin, pulling him into the kitchen. "I've had it up to here with the two of you," her continence returning to its agitated state, "Do you actually think that he wanted to move there? No accounting firm in Summerville was hiring, they were all trying to save a buck and downsizing while the firms in Indianapolis wanted to pay him a meager sum."

"I tried to help him, but my friend says he refused the job," Kevin tried to argue.

"Well did your friend also tell you that he wanted him to work on the factory floor, making a pittance of what he used to make?" Her expression softens to one of sympathy as she knows Kevin has tried to keep Edd close, "You know the company that hired him has been scouting him for a while now, well before he lost his job. Apparently, they were impressed with some joint venture he was a part of and offered him a salary he couldn't refuse and are talking like he has a real future with them. So, you see, he went where the work was, nothing more."

Kevin's voice was soft when he spoke, "He still should've told me."

"Would you have handled it any differently if the shoe was on the other foot?" She cocks an accusatory brow at him, "No, as I recall you told me that you ran away the last time things got rough."

"I was seventeen," he rebutted in anger.

"Seventeen or forty-two, you're still running away Kevin." She places a supportive hand upon his shoulder, "I just can't believe that you are really going to let the last chance you get to see him and your final opportunity to make your case slip through your fingers." He did not respond to her statement, he simply stood there staring passed her at the blank wall behind her. Letting out a deep sigh she turns and starts to walk away, "I expect to see you there this Saturday," she turns abruptly at the door and looks at him, "I don't care if you're dying, no excuse will be accepted."

 **The Following Sunday at 7am.**

As the door closed behind Edd, Kevin brings his legs up to his chest and wraps his arms around his knees, burying his face as a tear falls down his cheek. His mind racing with one desperate thought after another, as he attempted to figure out how he could make this work, regardless of the distance that now lay between them. He was so wrapped in his thoughts that he barely heard the phone that lay in his pants pocket on the floor ring, only finally registering it once it had finally ceased its insistent attempt for attention. Quickly reaching down for the discarded garment and the device contained within when it started ringing a moment later. He coughed harshly into his hand to clear and steady his voice as he hit the answer button on the screen, "Hello," his voice was still weak and shaky.

Anthony's voice greeted him from the other end, "Hey Cuz, how are you doing?"

He tries to clear his throat again before responding, "I'm fine."

"You don't sound fine," Anthony's tone was one of concern, "But I'm not going to pry."

"Thanks," Kevin was grateful that he was showing tact, "Anyways, what are you doing calling me, it's your honeymoon, aren't you supposed to be cuddle up in bed with your husband until noon or something."

"He's asleep," Anthony's voice turned serious, "But now I need you to get up, get ready and head to the Summerville airport."

"What? Why?"

His tone remained serious to get his point across that Kevin needed to do this, "There's a ticket waiting for you, you're taking the ten o'clock flight to New York."

Kevin was stunned for a brief moment, regaining his senses quickly, "How did you swing that?"

"Don't tell my husband, but I traded in our return flight," Kevin begins to stammer off a protest, but Anthony cuts him off, "Don't worry, Nat and Rave are spending the week up here with Tina and Patty, we'll catch a ride back with them."

"How can I thank you for this?"

"By getting your ass up here for starters," Anthony finally lets out an optimistic laugh, "And you're welcome Cuz."

"Thanks."

"I'll see you in a few hours."

"Yeah, see you then," hanging up the phone, Kevin jumped into action, with little time to spare he would take a quick shower then head straight for the airport without stopping by his place for clothes and other things he might need. Calling his boss once he reached the terminal to quickly stammer off an excuse as to why he would need some time off, then finally texting Alice before departure, "I'm going to New York for a few days, can you keep an eye on my place for me."

"Finally," was the only response he got from her, but it was all he needed to know that she approved of this bold move. He arrived in New York just a little after twelve and was exiting the terminal and getting into a taxi to meet the boys at their hotel by twelve-thirty, texting his friends in a group chat as he was nearing Central Park. "Hey guys, I just thought I would let you know that I'm in New York and on my way to meet the boys. I'm sure you can guess what I'm up to, and you all can thank Anthony for that, LOL, wish me luck I'll see you when you get into town."

He received Rave's response a few moments later as the cab pulled up to the curve in front of the hotel, "We're having lunch in Washington PA right now. We should be at Edd's apartment in about five to six hours, give or take. Good luck stud, my advice to you is to let him see just how beautiful the love in your heart is and I'm sure he will be yours."

"Thanks Symone, I love you," Rave responded to Kevin's show of affection with a set of six hearts, each in a different color of the rainbow. Joining the boys in their hotel room, Kevin spent the time waiting for Edd to get home by taking a quick nap as the newlyweds grabbed a bite to eat as well as a little bit of exploring. Arriving back at their room with enough time to wake the man up so that he could freshen up before they made their way to the address Tina had texted them. The last hurdle they would need to overcome was getting Kevin inside the building, so that he was out of sight, leaving Edd clueless of his presence until the last possible second. This was Double D's idea, his hopes for setting the stage for a romantic moment away from prying eyes, namely Nat and the others.

This hurdle proved to be an easy obstacle to overcome, as the door had been left slightly ajar from the last tenant to either enter or exit the building. And this is how Kevin had made his way to the front door of Edd's apartment, to lean upon it nonchalantly as his dorky star-crossed love climbed the stairs with a box in his hand. That box crashing to the floor of the hallway when Edd lifts his gaze from the keys in his hand to the doorway, and its unexpected occupant, "I hope there wasn't anything breakable in there," Kevin attempted to break the ice with a bit of levity.

Edd ignored the box at his feet and his question as he took a step forward, "Wha, what are you doing here?"

Kevin locks eyes with him as he pushes off the door and turns to properly face him, the tone of his voice was expressing the need his heart had for him, "I couldn't let you go this time, I am not whole without you in my life." Edd's heart filled with joy upon hearing these words as there was no question of their sincerity, for Kevin had already proven on multiple occasions that his heart burned brightly with his love for him. A love that not only warmed his very soul but fed the fire that burned wildly in his own heart, which without Kevin's tender ministrations to tend it, would threaten to consume his entire being.

"I, I," Edd's mind was at a loss for words for once as he took another step forward, he didn't know how to respond to this. His mind was pointing out all the things that were going to hold them back, but his heart was telling him to take a leap of faith and trust that it will all work out. The sound of music coming from the speaker of a phone, located behind him, started to fill the hallway in its melodic tones, causing Edd to turn his head to look at the source of the music. The owner of the phone was hiding around the corner of the stairwell, only poking his arm around the bend to allow the music he had chosen to fill the hallway. "Nat," Edd called out sharply as the words to the song begin, revealing a remade classic, The Promise, sung this time by Mint Julip, "Do you mind?"

"Don't mind me," his best friend replied, "Just setting the mood."

Knowing that his long-time friend and ex-lover wouldn't be deterred but was doing his best not to intrude, he turns back around quickly, trying to hide the tears in his eyes the song was causing. The nostalgic words stocking the fires in his heart even further, as promises that were made so long-ago spring to his mind. Along with the fears and hatred that had torn them apart, but also with the reassurance that the love that they had for each other was now finally getting its chance to triumph over all of it. He rushes into his loves arms as he needed the comfort of his embrace at this moment along with the warmth of his bodies heat to envelope him and the sent that was uniquely Kevin's to flood his senses and drown out his fears. "I love you," he spoke softly as though he didn't intend for Kevin to hear him.

"I love you too," he kisses the top of Edd's head as he ran his right hand through the hair on the back of his head.

"But how are we going to make this work," he questioned, as the biggest hurdle they faced, their geographical differences, was weighing heavily upon his mind, "You live there, and I live here."

"I'll move up here," he replied, not missing a beat as he brushes a stray tear from Edd's cheek with the back of his hand.

"Where will you live," it wasn't an unreasonable question, for after all, they weren't going to move in together instantly.

"I'm sure I can have the spare room at Tina's place."

"Damn right you can," she called out from around the corner.

He looks up into Kevin's eyes, "What about your job?"

"I'll quit," he smiles as though the answer had been obvious, "I'm sure New York could use another social worker." Edd's mind raced as it was trying to make sure he had covered all the current possibilities and that he would not be blindsided by anything. But Kevin broke his train of thoughts with his own question, "Will you be mine Edd?"

"Yours," Edd spoke softly as he averted his eyes, reflecting upon how nice that words sounded. How the love within his heart burned brighter upon hearing them, how his soul told him that this felt so right, and how his mind had to agree with the both of them.

He gently places his hand upon Edd's check, guiding his eyes to meet his, "Yes, be my morning sunshine to brighten my day, my noontime conversation I have at lunch, my cuddle buddy upon the couch as we watch Star Trek together and the one I hold tightly to me as I fall asleep." He lovingly joins their lips together, expressing all the emotions that he had been holding close to his heart ever since he had first laid eyes upon him all those years ago as he extended his hand to help him up off the floor of the old skating rink. Breaking the kiss, he whispers softly only inches from his loves lips, "I love you so much Edd, please tell me that you will be mine forever."

Edd was still stumbling to form a coherent sentence as the situation was still overwhelming any train of thought he was trying to piece together. His answer was simple and nonverbal, but expressed the bounty of love within his heart, as he joined their lips passionately once again, dropping the keys he had forgotten were in his left hand.

"Wooohoooo," came from the end of the hall as Nat peeks around the corner, when his curiosity at the silence had finally won out and forced him to look around the corner, "That's what I'm talking about." His three other companions join him in his revelry as they celebrated love finally winning with these two lovebirds. Walking up to his two friends, Nat looks the two of them in the eyes one at a time as he places his hands on each of their shoulders, "Since the two of you have finally gotten together, do you mind moving out of the doorway. I got a van full of furniture I need to get in here before nightfall, because someone has promised me food," he smiles warmly at Edd as he finishes his teasing.

"Yeah, of course," Kevin replied for the two of them as he puts his hand into Edd's and leads him back down the hall toward the moving van.

Tina picks up the box Edd had forgotten about as Nat retrieves the keys from the floor and calls out to him, "Which one's for your front door?"

"The green one," Edd replied, referring to the marker he had put on the key so that he could identify it. The group spent the next few hours moving all the furniture and boxes into the apartment, placing them into the rooms Edd had designated for them before going to a small restaurant around the corner both Rave and Tina enjoy for the promised meal. Neither man wishing to be parted with the other tonight, spent the remaining hours of the evening putting together Edd's queen sized bed before collapsing into it to fall fast asleep, holding each other lovingly close.

 **A/N- There will be an epilogue that I will release simultaneously with Loves Fool's epilogue. And a quick explanation for those who don't listen to the songs the chapters are based on. The song O from two chapters ago goes with this song. A line within it was "A flock of birds, this is how you think of love." While the chorus of this song says, "Close your eyes and see, we'll be birds, flying free, holding on to a mystery."**


	25. Me with You

Love Looks Not with the Eyes Chapter 25 – Me with You

 **A/N- The song for this chapter is sung by Macy Gray. Thank you all for reading my stories, I hope you have enjoyed them as much as I have enjoyed writing them for you. I hope you will continue to read my last story in this series Down the Rabbit Hole, which follows Alice as she goes through the journey of her life and the friendships she makes along the way, which includes these two knuckle heads. This chapter is of course an epilogue so it will be more descriptive then dialogue, and quickly moving through time.**

There is nothing more nerve wracking then giving up the foothold in life you have carved out for yourself, taking that leap of faith and facing a new chapter in your life far away from those you have known and loved. But conversely, the greatest rewards come from the biggest gambles and Kevin was more then willing to roll the dice and challenge the fates for the love that was offered upon the Craps table of life, knowing full well that he was going to hit the big seven. So, it was with his chin up and a stiff upper lip that he says goodbye to his life in Summerville and to all the people he has come to regard as his family. For he knew that no distance or passage of time could shatter the bonds that he has formed with them. That they have been and will always be family and they would always be willing to support each other with all the love in their hearts or a tactfully placed harsh word when they needed it.

It took Kevin a week to put all his affairs in order before he could move up to New York to be with Edd. These tasks included packing up the important things he would take with him, to donating the furniture he had to leave behind to the Goodwill, as well as turning in his resignation to his boss in person and giving his landlord his final month's rent and written notices that he was moving out. With everything ready to go all that was left to do was to load up the small trailer hitched to the back of Tina's truck, hitch his hog to the tow dolly on the back of his car and attend a small going away barbeque at Alice's house. But before this weekend had come to a close he was once again cuddled up in Edd's bed, holding the love of his life affectionately in his arms as they both fell asleep.

This would become their routine over the next few weeks, a dinner date during the work week to some locally owned family restaurant, followed by a relaxing weekend of cuddling up on the couch watching TV or going out and exploring the city together. Ending their day with passionate love making and falling asleep in each other's arms, it was heaven for both of them. Their old chemistry was there as though the last twenty-four years of absents had never taken place. The love they had for one another was ever present, shown in everything that they did for each other, quickly bringing up the question as to why there was any separation left between them. And within three months of his move to New York, Kevin was moving once again, leaving the spare room of his cousin's apartment to take his place beside Edd. Within a year of leaving Summerville, they were taking one more bold step in solidifying their futures together by binding their hearts together in marriage. At first, they wanted to keep the occasion small and informal, but with the number of people on both sides demanding to be apart of the big event, it quickly grew to a rather large formal affair.

Tears of joy were shed as both Edd's ex-wife Leslie and ex-lover Nat congratulated the happy couple on their marriage as well as old grudges were forgotten as Tim finally buried the hatchet with Kevin. It turns out that Tim's animosity towards Kevin had been fueled by the way he had ended it with Edd all those years ago, appearing to have only used the boy for sex and then leaving him once he had gotten what he had wanted. Tim was now content with the fact that Kevin was finally doing right by Edd and was making a "proper man out of him" as he jokingly told him in his apology, though he would still tease him years later, after all bad habits die hard.

It wasn't long after their marriage that they would be applying to adopt a child, the two of them having talked about this well before their marriage and had both agreed that they wanted to raise a family together. To outsiders, they might appear to be too old to raise a child, but that is nonsense, in their opinion they were just better prepared for what raising a child would mean. To an outsider they might view this as their own selfish desires coming to the surface, since Edd had missed raising his own child and Kevin was trying to fill a void since he had never had a child of his own. But again, that was absolute nonsense, as they just wanted to bring the joys of family to a child who might never have one of their own otherwise. Their family and friends though, thought it was perfect and that they would make wonderful parents, Junior saying that a baby brother or sister would be a nice addition to the family.

The adoption agency had to agree with their family and friend's assessment of the couple, finding them to be a stable and loving family wishing nothing more then to share that love with a child. And within a year and a half the couple was bringing home a newborn baby boy to join their family, the child being named on the adoption papers as Jackson Deforest Vincent-Barr. And as the years went by the young blond with deep reddish-brown eyes took on the moniker of Plank, affectionately given to him by his papa in remembrance of his old friend. It wasn't only his middle name that brought about this nickname, it was also the boys looks and playful all be it sometime rebellious attitude which reminded Kevin of the young Private he had grown to love and cherish all those years ago. He wasn't the spitting image of his long-lost friend, of course he was only four at the time, but there were resemblances and the occasional way that he would look at him which would bring the feelings of nostalgia to the surface. Both Alice and Rave had to agree with him that it was somewhat shocking just how much the young boy reminded them of their old friend, his playfulness and his insistence on calling Rave Raven and Alice big sister over Skype that had won him a special place in both of their hearts.

It was also around this time that they were introduced to their new grandson and Plank's nephew over Skype, the boys name was Aden James Vincent, or "Jim," Plank squeals happily as he pats his fingers against the computer monitor.

Both Junior and Anthony lightly laugh at the boy's antics, "That's right Plank, his name is Jim," Junior confirms as he angles the lively newborn in his arms better so the young boy could get a better look at him.

"That's Jim," the boy giggles as he looks up at his Dad and Papa to repeat the words, "That's Jim."

"Yes son, that's Jim," Kevin reaffirmed.

"He's your nephew son," Edd said warmly, "And you have to look after him when you can, OK." The boy nods his head and hums out his agreement before turning back to the computer monitor to look in awe of the new life in his brother's arms. He took the idea of safe guarding his nephew very seriously and even though they were separated by hundreds of miles he would come up with many ideas and contraptions while playing to do just that but would still allow the baby to be included in his roughhousing. One idea he drew was a bumper car kind of baby stroller, while another was a kind of suite made of pillows to help make sure that the boy wouldn't hurt himself if he fell while they were playing together. The two parents were filled with joy when their young son would present them his ideas, telling him just how proud of him they were.

It was around the time when Plank turned six that another life changing decision was made that would reunite old friends and family once again. In a bold move, Edd's company had taken over the old and bankrupt accounting firm that he had previously worked for before moving to New York, thus snagging all of their clients in the process. They had extended Edd an opportunity and offered him a partnership if he would agree to move back to Summerville and take on the responsibility of overseeing the new addition to their company. It was a no brainer on his end as the pay would be a substantial increase and would allow them to finally get a nice house in the suburbs close to some good schools for Plank. But it would be asking a lot of Kevin, to have him quit his job once again and relocate all in the name of his work.

The case he thought he would have to present to his husband actually turned out to be an easily won battle as the red head just looked him in the eyes and reminded him, "I'll go wherever I need to for you. Besides I'm sure I can get my old job back, and if not then I'm sure one of the cities across the river could use a good social worker." The now fifty-year-old man leans in and gives his husband a kiss, "And if by some small chance I can't find a job, I'll be more then happy to be the stay at home parent for our son," he teased with a wag of his eyebrows.

Edd chuckled through another kiss then replied, "So I'll be my daddies sugar daddy is that it?"

"No, more like I'll be a professional stay at home husband, there's no shame in that," he smirked at him as he helped set the table for dinner, "I don't mind eating bonbons and playing bridge with the other rich housewives while you support me."

"And the next thing I know, you'll be getting tennis lessons from a twenty something year old trainer who I will swear you're having an affair with. Because god knows you've never been interested in tennis before," Edd elaborated on the joke.

"And you'll get your revenge by stooping the maid, because we all know that Antonio needs constant supervision to meet your high standards of cleanliness," Kevin jokingly sighs and shakes his head.

"There will be a scandal as the photos from our private investigators surface," Edd chuckles

"Our divorce will be legendary as it'll be in all the newspapers across the country," Kevin places the last dish on the table and looks up at Edd.

"And only then will we be proper rich white trash," he finishes their upper-class fairytale and there was a brief silence.

"I'll start looking for a job tomorrow," Kevin says plainly as he walks towards the kitchen, sometimes their teasing can get a little out of hand.

"Yep," Edd replied as he makes his way to the hall to call out, "Plank, it's time for dinner."

Hearing the loud shuffle of his son putting away his toys quickly and haphazardly before calling out to them that he was on his way. Followed by the sound of his bedroom door popping open and a moment later being slammed shut behind him as he walked quickly down the hall toward them, for he knew better then to run in the house.

The move back to Summerville was a happy reunion of family and old friends, their lives appeared to be the all-American dream. Sure, Edd was away from home more often, now that he had his new position, having to take business trips to New York and the like to oversee certain aspects of the business. But it wasn't impacting their family in a negative way, as they would still have family dinners and movie nights over Skype. That is until the middle of Plank's second grade year, when the boy began getting into fights with the other children and Kevin had to leave work early to take care of the situation. Walking into the school's office, he sees his son sitting on the bench by the Principles office, his head hanging low, his hands fidgeting with the strap of his backpack in his lap, and a look upon his face that was a mix of sadness and worry. Taking his seat beside his son he puts his arm around him, his hand upon his shoulder, and brings him in for a side hug, "What happened Plank," he just knew that the boy wouldn't start a fight without provocation.

"DJ was making fun of me," Plank did not look up at his father as he explained, as though he didn't want to talk about it.

"That's no reason to start a fight son," he rubs his son shoulder soothingly, trying to assure him that it was alright to talk about it, "What did they say?"

"That you and dad were perverts and that I wasn't really your kid," the boy sniffled as the pain the words had caused him swelled up again.

"You shouldn't listen to them," he knew what the kids were getting at and was furious that they thought it was alright to hurt Plank because of it, "You are our son."

"They said that two," he pauses for a moment, stopping himself from repeating the hurtful word the other boys had said, "Guys couldn't have children. I told them that they were liars and that you were both my dad's and they started calling me a butt baby," Plank's voice broke as tears fell. "That's when Jim said that only boys and girls could have babies, that his daddy told him so," he finally looks up at Kevin, "Is it true? Are one of you not my dad?"

Kevin's jaw was slack as he tried to find the right words to tell his son, wishing that Edd was here now, because he would know exactly what to say to make this all better. The door next to them opens and the principle leans out to look at them, "Mr. Vincent-Barr," she motions for them to enter, saved by the bell as they would say. As the school had a zero-tolerance policy against violence regardless of the reasons, Plank was suspended for three days, the other two boys involved were also suspended.

Plank stared out of the backseat window with his arms folding all the way home, as he was feeling as though Kevin was avoiding answering his question which only made the seeds of doubt which were sown in his mind blossom and grow. "Plank," Kevin softly spoke as he parked his car in the garage but didn't get an answer. Turning around he looks at his son in the backseat and sees the defiant, angry look upon his face and knew what was coming, "We need to," but Plank wasn't going to hear it. He grabs his backpack and bolts out of the car and runs to the door, storming to his room and slamming his bedroom door loudly behind him as Kevin reached the hallway. Reaching into his pocket he pulls out his cellphone and texts his husband to let him know the situation and that they needed to have a family meeting ASAP. He was fortunate that Edd wasn't currently in any meetings and had texted him back immediately and was able to use a colleague's office to hold this impromptu family meeting.

As he made his way up the steps to his son's room his phone begins to ring, letting him know that his husband was calling. When he pushes the accept butting the screen goes to video, showing him his husbands worried face, "How is he doing?"

"He's pissed," Kevin sighs as he reaches the door.

Edd's expression mirrored his own, "I knew we would have to tell him eventually, I just didn't think it would be this soon."

"We should have told him from the start, because you know how kids are," Kevin says as Edd furrows his brows. "Hold on," right now wasn't the time to fight about this, right now they needed to talk to their son and let him know exactly how much they loved him. Opening the door, he peeks inside, "Plank," he sees his son laying flat upon the bed his head turned to look away from the door, his arms defiantly folded against his chest, "Buddy, we need to talk to you." Plank did not respond as he walks over to the bed and takes his seat beside his son, the boy rolls over to completely face away from him. Laying down as well he rolls so that he was facing his son and positions the phone so that they both could see Edd, "Your daddy wants to talk to you," but Plank kept his eye's averted from the screen.

"How are you feeling son?" Edd asks but knew the answer as he got a better view of the boys tearstained face, "Your Papa told me what happened today, and that I know what the other kids have been saying. But I want you to know that we love you very much and that we are not mad at you for getting into a fight…"

The boy interrupts with a question he felt was very important at the moment, "Which one of you is my daddy?"

"We both are," Kevin assured him as he slid his free arm around the boy trying to get him to turn and face him.

But Plank refused to budge, burying his face in the pillow as he repeated his earlier statement, "Jim said that only boys and girls can have babies, so who's my daddy and where is my mommy?"

"Plank, we need to tell you something," Edd's voice was soft and concerned, "But you need to know that we love you very much and that no matter what happens we will always love you." Plank looks up at the image of his dad ever so slightly as his childish fears that DJ was right, and that he was in fact a butt baby, ran through his mind. "We adopted you," Edd could see the look of confusion in his son's eyes and a bit of pain hits his heart as he elaborates, "It means that we," he was having difficulty explaining it, for he didn't want the explanation to sound literal and cold.

"It means that we fell in love with you the moment we saw you and in that moment we couldn't think of another person in this world we want to share our love with." Kevin kisses the top of his son's head, "And no matter how you came to be a part of this family, you will always be our son."

Plank turns to look at his Papa, fresh tears streaming down his cheeks, his voice breaking as he spoke "You're, not, my daddy?"

Kevin gently turns the boy and hugs him to his chest, "Oh son, we are, we are both your parents," Kevin could feel his own heart break.

Plank sobs, "So where's my real mommy and daddy?" God that stung and Kevin could see the pain in Edd's eyes as he glances at the screen, but they knew he didn't mean it hurtfully, he was just a child and in pain.

"We don't know," Edd said containing a sob as best he could, "They didn't tell us."

"Do you want us to try and find out for you," Kevin asks as he wipes away a tear.

Plank thought about this hard has he cried into Kevin's shirt, they had done nothing but love him, shown him kindness and been good parents to him. So, it is understandable that he did not give them an answer right now. Instead the three of them laid there, the two parents assuring their son that they loved him very much and that he was their son no matter what. Edd begrudgingly hanging up to get ready for his next meeting ten minutes later.

Over the course of the next week, Plank was understandably moody, and they allowed him his space to process all of this but still showered him with all their love and affection so that he understood that he was always going to be their son. Close to the end of that week, after Edd had returned home, Plank finally broached the subject of his adoption again telling them that he had no desire currently to know who his birth parents were. And in a tear-filled moment told them that he loved them very much and that he was happy to be a part of their family, laying the matter to rest. Though the thoughts were always constantly in the back of his mind as he grew up, he knew that the two of them were his parents and he loved them very much.

It was this knowledge of the love that they shared that gave him the strength to put DJ and Jim in their places when he returned to school and told them firmly that he wasn't a butt baby. That he was adopted and that meant he was loved very much by his daddy and papa, refusing to give into the goading the two boys did to try and get him to fight again. Because firstly he knew he would mop the floor with them and secondly, he knew it would make his dads sad if he got in trouble again over their opinions of him.

The Vincent-Barr family lead a prosperous and happy life now that all the secrets were laid bare, forming an unspoken packet to no longer keep anything from each other from that moment on. With a promise to always hear each other out and do their best to understand the others point of view or situation. This promise and their family dynamic made it rather easy for Plank to come out as Pansexual when he was thirteen. His marriage to the boy of his dreams when he turned twenty-two was a joyous occasion and celebrated by all their extended family.

Edd left this world a year later, having succumbed to the cancer which had only been detected in his lungs a few months after the wedding and had quickly spread to his brain. Kevin would trudge on through life alone with his head held high, honoring the love of his life until he joined him five years later. Their graves were placed on an easterly facing hillside, so that they could watch the stars and sunrise together as they did all those years ago when they first met. Etched upon their shared tombstone, below their names, was the following words of wisdom. Life is a journey, filled with meetings and partings, but what matters the most is how we walked the path and touched the lives around us. Love one another by showing kindness and mercy, don't let what the haters say influence how you live your life and who you love. For you only get one chance in this life to get it right, be safe, be loved and show love to each other.

 **A/N- I'll leave who you all think Plank's love was up to you.**


End file.
